why do i feel physically sick??

[benbon]

ok long story short exh left 10 mths ago saying he didnt want kids and didnt want to be married,, he needed to be him!!

fast forward 10 months he is on the 2nd girlfriend although there have been many one night stands and dates. not sure how long he has been with this one but he was with the last one at christmas.. he informed me yesterday that he is away next weekend with gf and her kids so wouldnt be seeing his own.. after me telling him that was not on he has since asked if he can take our 2 aswell..

now im happy he is playing an interest in the kids as contact has been sporadic since he left so why do i feel so sick about the fact he is playing happy families with my kids and her...

the kids met her yesterday and her children and it seemed to go really well they were made very welcome and came home really happy.. and i am happy that the kids liked her as if she is gonna be in their life for however long they should get on, i put on a happy face for the kids telling them i was glad they had such a fab day yet i feel so sick inside and i just cant seem to shake this feeling... couldnt sleep just it all going round in my head...

It's obvious you are not completely over the break up yet.

There's probably still some anger towards your ex for shattering your lives and whilst you are left caring for the kids, he's seemingly got the best of both worlds, being able to play dad when it suits and shag around when it doesn't.

Secondly if I may be blunt, if you are honest with yourself you'd probably prefer it if exh had completely crashed and burned, made a total mess of his life then came begging to come back. Its a natural human desire. We all do it. Secretly we all like to think that we are the best they could/would get. The fact he's able to pull different women and have different GF's makes you scared. Scared that in fact.....maybe he will find someone better? And what if the kids prefer her?? Of course these fears are irrational but then fear often is.

I've been there and done that. I used to lie there in bed on my own after the kids had gone to their mums wondering where it had all gone wrong. Calling the samaritans to pour my heart out and well for someone to talk to.

Sooner or later though I realised that the anger I felt got me nowhere. I could either sit there and wallow in my own self pity or man up and make a life for myself too. Funny thing is, once I learned to let the anger go and accept my life things got a lot better. I also realised I was far from blameless and accepted my role in the breakup.

Now I don't give a toss if my ex gets a new BF or not. Just so long as he treats my kids with respect. As for my ex, I also learned that life is not a race. Years on, I've built a stable family home for our kids and a good career whilst she's still lurching from relationship to relationship and swapping jobs every few months in her attempt to "make it".

just been reading some nightmare stories on here about access and step mothers/fathers etc.
I can understand how you feel,it's not fair and it might feel that you are being pushed out a pit but honestly you should be really really thankful that it went well