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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

exP will be arrested for assault against someone else - will they link to family court issues?

11 replies

cestlavielife · 14/04/2010 13:36

my son's carer is pursuing the report of assault against my exP (he attacked her phsyically when she was getting ready to leave his palace with my ds)

so he could be arrested (interviewed?) on saturday

i imagine they will refer to his record (caution for assault against me in 2008) but will they automatically link with family court stuff, CAFCASS reports etc? or is that all confidential?

the section 7 report etc all relevant as they refer to his mental health issues and anger issues...

tks

OP posts:

Original poster

cestlavielife · 14/04/2010 13:36

his place not palace... wella ctually it is legally still joint owned and half my place but that is another issue.

OP posts:

aSilverlining · 14/04/2010 17:38

no advice to give cestlavie but will give this a bump for you.

what a knob, they never change do they! I hope your DS's carer is ok?

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2010 11:11

I would have thought that his previous behaviour would count as relevant information. What do you want to happen? ANd do you have an advocate on your side who can make sure that your views are heard (I would imagine that, after this, you want to stop or restrict contact and no one would blame you).

Original poster

cestlavielife · 15/04/2010 12:43

will see what happens - it kind of fits into the dv category of "well he was aggressive to the adult but the children are fine, so contact should continue...." .

the message i want got across to him is he cannot dictate who takes kids to see him by being aggressive - so that they then say they dont want to be around him!

there are other ways to express his views and opinions. he now sends text msgs "these people xx and xxx [ds' regular after school carers] are not ever to come to my house!"

so they handing over in public place.... dds seem ok with the contact - they get bored but that is between him and them i guess...

all depends if he denies everything when the police interview him (and it becomes his word against hers)

or if he goes down the "she provoked me" route... (which i imagine wont go down too well!)

i dont want to stop contact. but his behaviour is erratic eg suddenly announced he would pick up ds from school - i told school not to release ds and told him no - ds goes to from school on school bus and that is that. ds autistic and needs routine.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2010 13:12

Is he behaving like this in order to have access to you? Eg - not sure of your story but is he currently not allowed to have any contact with you and that's why the DC are being handed over by other people - so by attacking the other people he is trying to ensure that he gets to contact you?
If this is the case then you definitely need the CAFCASS stuff taken into account, and if there is some kind of restraint order against him WRT you you need to let the police or whoever know what's going on.

Original poster

cestlavielife · 15/04/2010 14:29

hmm you could have a point - he said that as he didnt want the carer that "i" should bring kids - he will either do the nicey nicey "coem in and ahve a cup of tea i wont bite why dont you stay for a while?" or start raniting about something or other "why hasnt the child got this or that? why havent you done xxx?" or worse.... i try to avoid contact as far as possible.

so i made point of saying that carer would do the hand over - but in public place not at his door.

so when i can i have other people - i not as worried as was previously as he hadnt been violent again (until now!!) ....

he has manoeuvred eg he had them on dds birthday and i went to pick up at set time - he made sure they hadnt had the cake yet so could do the "come in and have cake with us" .... v clever manipulation using the dcs...

or i say "i am coming at 7.30 so please have them ready" - get there at 7.30 and he has only just put dinner on table on purpose so i have to stay and wait or leave and come back later...

ok you got me thinking again now! it is calculated....

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2010 15:13

I think I have read your threads before - this man has MH issues and is fixated on getting you back? Because that could be what's at the bottom of it - and even more reason for you to make sure that whoever's dealing with this latest incident is aware that he has been violent to you previously and may be a danger to you again?

GypsyMoth · 15/04/2010 15:19

god,my ex was like this!!

he even invented cancer to get my sympathy,which almost worked,but friends made me see he was lying!

so who will handover now? contact centre might be best route,if you suggest it in court i dont think its unreasonable

Original poster

cestlavielife · 15/04/2010 15:43

will see what happens with police etc this weekend; at least we have a break til next contact session next week.

no more court booked for contact issues but filing on financial issues (need to force sale of joint owned property) which will no doubt set him off...

it says something though - when i realise that i have feeling of relief at having a few days of not having to deal with handovers etc - i will not let him get under my skin...maintain cool indifference...

carer happy to handover in public place (we have convenient shopping centre).

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 15/04/2010 15:46

carer still happy even though assaulted? will that continue after police involvement?

so this is court ordered?

Original poster

cestlavielife · 15/04/2010 16:28

final court order in decem,ber was for supervised contact - with a view to relaxing suypervision over time (ie phrase included "any other contact including non-supervised as agreed") . i do think in terms of dcs is ok to leave with him alone - for short times this has been happneing at weekends - as dds can tell me how it went. BUT he may be saying "dont tell your mum..."

i had been having the weds evening strictly supervised by carer her taking them there and back as otherwise the timing is disaster adn they wouldnt get back til late - or i would have to go knocking on door and be made to hang around...(one time carer made him put dinner in tuppperware to bring back home to eat as it was getting late and he tried to use the "they need to stay to eat" excuse!) carer happy to ahnd over in public place as he attacked when inside his flat on his own with just ds to witness (ds can communicate but didnt understand what was going on).

she has worked with people with MH issues and wasnt phased...more surprised and curious espec as immediately after he acted as tho nothing had happened....she has asked about getting him MH assessed properly . which i do think is needed - he shows cylclical pattern but only diagnosed "depression" - when he gets depressed.

he is stupid - things were going fairly well but this doesnt lend itself to me agreeing to more eg overnights etc. this incident happened on an extra contact agreed as ds was on holiday from school... dds were visiting friends so didnt go.

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