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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Anyone else on here a widow or widower?

13 replies

Pixie41 · 12/04/2010 08:54

Hi,
Been on my own just over a year and finding the "second" year a real struggle. Trying to carve out a "new life" for myself however that is sometimes very hard. Just wondering if there is anyone else out there in a similar situation.

Pix

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Peaceflower · 12/04/2010 09:01

Hello, been a widow for 6 years. It gets easier....

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myfriendflicka · 12/04/2010 17:15

Hi,

I have been a widow for two and a half years - I found the second year harder than the first, as support drops away a bi and it hit home more than in the first year for me.

However, you get stronger all the time and you do begin to have a new life. As Peaceflower says, it does get better. But it is bloody hard and you need to pat yourself on the back for coping with it. Regularly.

I don't expect this is coming out very well but I did find the only way was up as the secong year progressed.

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LittleMarshmallow · 12/04/2010 17:25

Hi, I am technically a widow although h and I were separated before he died and that was only November.

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IlikePudding · 13/04/2010 09:21

I am a widower. It has been 5 years since I lost my wife to cancer and although it gets better (v slowly) some times I still feel rotten.

My 2 DD's (non-identical twins (16)) have given me the best possible reason to carry on regardless.

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IlikePudding · 21/04/2010 08:17

Bump - another useful thread that seems to have stalled.

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myfriendflicka · 21/04/2010 09:04

Whereabouts in the country are you Pixie? Do you have support from friends/family and do you have dcs?

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GoingPostal · 21/04/2010 18:20

me too - just over 3 years. would agree that year 2 is hard in a different way to year 1 - less raw, but still lost and trying to rebuild things without really knowing who you are any more. hard just being a parent on your own too. you do have to give yourself praise and appreciation!

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Lemonylemon · 22/04/2010 13:45

Me too. I'm just over 2.5 years along this road. I've a 12yo DS and a 2.5yo DD.

I found the second year as hard as the first in that the rawness and shock had worn off a bit, but then there was a big space left and I had to joggle myself and my little family unit to feel more comfortable with what we had left (if that makes sense).

I did a lot of thinking too. Not sure where that's got me!

You might find that the merrywidow.me.uk website useful. It's run by a lady called Katy Boydell and widows and widowers from all walks of life post on there....

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Pixie41 · 11/05/2010 23:33

Hello again,

MFF - I'm in South East England, my DS is coming up 3 this summer.

I have a sister nearby who has been a rock to me not just since DH died but for pretty much the last 15 years! However she has a pretty stressful job, a husband and 3 kids of her own (although they are all at secondary school now.)

I'm very aware about being a drain on people and also about "gatecrashing" other families "family" time

I've decided recently that I just need to get on with my life and not wait for others to help.... I have a very lovely group of friends that I met through another forum who have been amazing and I am making every effort to nurture those relationships.

I also have a new friend whom I met a a memorial service, she had lost her husband in very similar circumstances 3 weeks earlier. We are hopefully going to become very firm friends.

Sorry to prattle on .....

Pix

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Booboobedoo · 27/05/2010 20:59

Hi,

Hope you don't mind me posting on this thread as I'm not a widow.

A close friend of mine is, though, and has been put off lots of parenting forums as they don't have a 'widowed' section, and she feels alienated in the divorced/separated threads.

Do any of you think it would be worth asking MNHQ if they could start a Widowed section in Lone Parents?

Just thinking of ways to help my friend atm.

Sorry again to crash.

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exexpat · 28/05/2010 23:31

Booboo - does your friend know about the Merry Widows site that Lemony mentioned? I think that might be a better place to go for advice/support specific to being a younger widowed parent than trying to start up a new topic here.

I'm widowed (coming up for four years), and spent a lot of time on MW in the first year or so. The bereavement section here is also a good place for support, but I can't see that there would be enough users or special issues to make a 'widowed lone parents' section worthwhile. A lot of the issues we deal with are things that face other people for different reasons - or that other people who are not widowed can help with, such as all the support Trinity has had from people on here.

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Booboobedoo · 29/05/2010 12:22

Thanks for the feedback, exexpat.

My friend has been using the Merry Widows site, and has found it helpful.

I Just feel so helpless sometimes - I want to make it all better for her.

Can't do that, though.

Sorry for you loss, and thanks again.

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PinkButton · 09/06/2010 13:55

Hi, just coming up to 20 months for me, my DS is almost 3. The second year is very hard, different to the first. Trying to get all the help I can, also have had breast cancer this year to cope with.