Access Advice

[whygodwhy]

ExH and I split 4 months ago, he was extremely EA and a very heavy drinker. Sadly DS 6 saw and heard far too much aggression towards me. Home is a much happier place now and DS and I are doing good. I have worked and continue to do so to ensure EX and DS have a good relationship (despite alot of bully and controlling issues from EX). Ex has DS one night weekly and every other weekend and more in hols.

However, Ex is now starting to do the following:-

TAke DS to pub and drive home
Take DS out of bike via pubs where EX drinks even more
Leaving DS alone in car when going into shops
Leaving DS alone outside sports club whilst he sits and drinks inside with friends.
Lets DS not wear bike helmet
Lets DS play 16+ violent video games
Lets DS go in others cars without booster seats

There is lots of other unsuitable stuff, but not that puts DS in danger.

I have tried to talk to Ex to be told to F off and he can do what he likes and to take him to court if I dare, as there is nothing they can do either.

He also insists he speaks to DS every morning and every evening - which I find excessive.

Where would I stand if this went legal, I just want him not to drink alcohol when he is with DS, not take him into pubs and to keep him safe.

I just whant them to have a good relationship and the access to continue but for him to do suitable things with a 6 year old.

Help please

your ex sounds like really hard work
have you got a solicitor? i can't see why your ex has so much control here
if he's drink driving with your ds pls inform the police

Having just spent 2 years in the courts with my ex. Would say you would be laughed out of court!!

You would need police to find him over the limit. You need proof. Alot of the other stuff is parental choice.... None of it is against the law

sorry

Thanks both for your comments, Gosh 3 that all sounds quite bleak then. I just want DS safe and not left to his own devices at 6 years old, don't know what to do, it is such a nightmare.

I agree with TBB. The only real cause (as in against the law) is the drink driving. Even that would not be dealt with in a family court as its a criminal matter and ex would just say you are making it all up.

The only thing you can do there is to shop him to the police but then if he does get caught then what? How would that affect contact if he say was banned for years or worse still sent down? What would DS think of his mother shopping his father?

There's nothing wrong with DS being left to his own devices a bit, just as long as its done safely. And even that is a subjective measure.

Have no intention of shopping Ex, just want DS to be safe.

I don't feel that leaving a 6 year old in a public place or alone in a car park is in no way providing safe care for him. So I think that leaving him to his own devices in this manner is no good thing.

I also want contact to continue for exactly the amount they currently have just at a loss as how to persuade ex to keep DS safe.

If he is drinking enough to be over the limit (how do you know this?) then he has to be reported and caught. He is wilfully endangering his son's safety, as well as his own and that of other road users. It's a separate issue to contact generally.

There are things I know about my ex that I could use to make life very uncomfortable for him, and possibly get him imprisoned. I choose not to because it would serve no real purpose other than revenge and because I don't want to give my DC any cause to feel disappointment in their father. However, if he was doing something that crossed the line in that it was illegal and physically putting my children (or anyone else) in danger, I would have no hesitation in throwing the book at him.