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Original poster

This is a bit of a rant....sorry in advance

5 replies

Katy86 · 05/04/2010 15:58

Right

I have DD nearly 4. Things didnt work out with her Dad so she now sees him once a month. I have to deal with the tantrums when she gets home because 'its all my fault daddy doesnt live with us' even though Daddy is actually gone because he was a cheat and got another woman pregnant. I dont mind the tantrums as i understand she is too young to understand the truth. So i met another man who seemed perfect. So although using contraception i got pregnant again in January this year DC now due 10.10.10 and he went mad! said he would leave me unless i aborted the baby so i told him to leave...but now am on my own with DD still angry with me about her dad and DC2 coming in october and i just feel massively angry at both men! Seriously angry and cheated!!! I love DD very much and already love DC growing inside me, but i feel guilty at the amount of anger i feel towards these men!
Im sorry for the long rant, but am feeling very down and needed to get it off my chest
xx

OP posts:
JeezyPeeps · 05/04/2010 18:18

We all need to rant and let of steam every now and then, and this is the perfect place!

I have to say your most recent ex can't have been very committed if he ups and leaves so easily, so you are best off without him.

You have every right to be andry at a) a man who was cheating on you and b) a man who leaves as soon as you are pregnant.

You are a strong, brave woman to have come this far and to have stuck to your guns re: your new baby.

Having said that! It will be by far the best for you and your children for you to let go of your anger. It's not healthy in the long term (although it is VERY healthy to express your anger when it arises). I don't see anything wrong with telling your 4 year old that daddy left because he loved a different woman, but that doesn't change the fact that he loves his dd - you don't have to explain in any detail, and you need to do it without anger or upset, just be very calm and make it seem to DD that it's okay. You shouldn't have to suffer the blame over that.

Original poster
Katy86 · 05/04/2010 19:59

thank you jeezy so much for taking the time to read my thread. Just sometimes i feel that im going mad ...but i think oyur absolutely right i definately do need to let go of this anger. And i think youre right that it is time to tell DD why daddy isnt here. Thank you again, its so greatly appreciated to be able to let of steam

xx

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 05/04/2010 20:10

Katy, I'm surprised you're not more angry than you sound in your OP to be honest. I fully understand (as I suspect many will on here) the tightrope you have to walk with DD. Mine is not dissimilar but my DD is only 2.6. We have a lot of "where's daddy?" to which I currently reply "daddy's at work" when I want to say "your precious bloody daddy is with the woman he was with before me", etc, etc. It's hard when they think that daddy is some sort of wonderful being because he's only around for fun and games and not for the hard work and actual parenting.

Also, your situation re new baby... I'm sure you're strong enough and together enough to cope with this (you sound as if you are) but it's not unreasonable to be angry at that either.

I think a therapist would say that your anger is an "appropriate reaction".

It's clear from your posts that you'll get past it and move on with things but, right now, I think it's fairly understandable that you're absolutely fuming a bit peeved.

Original poster
Katy86 · 06/04/2010 13:53

thank you Belle sometimes just feeling like screaming. YOure right the DCs always think their fathers are wonderful because they have so much fun with them i just hope they realise when they are older that their mummys are not big meanies but actually the ones who care the most. My DDs dad is also with a woman he was with before he met me and it hurts so much sometimes its awful...new babies sperm doner father text me today saying 'do not send me scan pics of this baby, i do not ever want to know what this baby looks like, sounds like, i dont even want to know what its name is!' arghhhh ARSEHOLE!!! Grrrr

xx

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 07/04/2010 20:47

Bloody hell Katy, that's harsh! What an idiot. His loss. Honestly, you've had a lucky escape from that one.

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