moving a child v far away from dad

[roobee]

any advice or experience gratefully received.

my ex and I split in january this year. Things hadnt been great and i found out he was having an affair and was planning leaving us anyway. We have a 2 year old ds together.

As a result i left our jointly owned home and came to stay with my mum (400 miles away) to sort my head out. After a lot of soul searching and serious thought, I decided the best thing for ds and I would be to stay here close to family and friends. I realised I would need lots of support with ds, and for me, and that it would give me far better opportunities to work more and provide for my ds. My ex hasnt shown a huge amount of interest in ds since we left. Contact is largely instigated by me or when ds asks for his daddy. My ex never texts to ask how ds is as an example. In the 3 months we have been here he has seen ds once and that was only cos I took ds back to the ex-marital home to collect some more of our things.

My ex is now accusing me of being very selfish for depriving him of seeing ds. My ex has 2 children from his first marriage, and they live near ex. So my son is missing out on seeing them too. Ex is now living, part time, with new gf and she has 2 children to throw in the mix too!!

It is worth mentioning that ex has said there is no way we could move back into the house and if we did he would stop paying the mortgage. He hasnt indicated he would assist in finding us somewhere else to live, or how he may help us financially if we were to return. (i.e. would he offer more money, if it meant he would be able to see more of ds).

My decision not to return was never as a means of punishment to him for having an affair. far from it. If truth be told, i liked living where we did, but practically i know i wouldnt have managed as a single parent living there with no immediate support.

ex has also announced that for the majority of the week he will be living with new gf and her kids which is over 2 hours away from where our jointly owned house is. He is keeping our house on so he has a base to see his 2 kids from first marriage!!!

so, has anyone any experience of how this long distance relationship could pan out? One benefit is that our ds is so young, he doesnt really seem to have been affected. He didnt have to leave a school, friends, activities etc.

I think i have made the right decision but any input, positive or negative, gratefully received.

thanks

Usually I would say moving a child so far away from his father is a bad thing but given your circumstances and the life you'd lead if you were there, I think on balance you've done the right thing.

As for him blaming you. Ex's always blame us. It goes with the territory. Mine still blames me when convenient. After a while its just water off a duck's back.

Check your legal position and force sale of the joint owned house. It's your house too, he can't just decide he wants to keep it. YOu're entitled to half the money tied up in it, I think

Are you still married?

we are not married no. Never were.

the house is unfortunately in negative equity so no benefit to anyone to sell it. I am thinking of applying to court for an order of sale when it reaches its purchase price.

I think i could also apply for my ds and i to be able to live there, but really thats immaterial as my other issues about lack of support etc far outweigh that.

i just dont want my ex to turn round in years to come and say to our ds that i stopped him seeing him. I have said he can come and stay any time and if he wants to fly up he can use my car etc. I know i am being fair. just hurts when he says i am being selfish.

had we split and he wasnt with someone else and was committed to co parenting i may have considered staying where we were. but he has chosen a new life and our ds doesnt easily fit in with that.

I have to say I think you should stay near your mum as having that support will have a positive effect on your son as a happy mum = a happy child.

Get some legal advice.