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Original poster

Hi, I'm new and I'm hacked off!

14 replies

JeezyPeeps · 03/04/2010 16:52

Hi

I left xp not that long ago, we have two kids, 14 and 11, a joint property (which he is living in) and mortgage (which I am paying for, in addition to the rent on my new place, he doesn't work).

Today he has told me that he wasnt me to sell the car and split the money 50/50. Because (in his world) it is half his.

a) he is the registered keeper (but that, in law, does not confer ownership)
b) I use the car on a daily basis to get to work
c) The loan for the car was in my name, and I have made every payment
d) he has occasionally paid for fuel (but not as much as he has used), but I take it for its service, mot etc, pay car tax, pay for the vast majority of the fuel

Does this look like a 50/50 split to anyone else?

He also told me I have 'stolen the kids from him'. He sees them every school day (at least until the summer holidays and my son changes school) and most school holiday days when I am working.

He wants me to consider remortgaging the house so he can get some money to start up self employed (wtf?? why should I get a legal liability of debt for that??) because he doesn't want to sign on cos he'll end up having to take a job.

I want to scream!!

OP posts:
Snuppeline · 03/04/2010 17:02

Gosh what a mess. You need to untangle yourself from him financially so he can't ask for more of this sort of thing. If you still have something on the carloan consider selling that car and buying something else which will then not be in his name. As for giving him anything of that money you can tell him you'll consider giving him something if he pays of half of your carloan. If he doesn't then he can forget it. Paying for occational petrol fills would, in my world, be the same as giving a contribution for having use of it. It doesn't constitute downpayment. As for the house, obviously don't remorgage! However, can you get the house sold so you can stop paying mortgage on a house you don't live in? Perhaps you can buy something else where you and the dc's can live? Or at least not have to fork out money for both rent and mortgage! Does he contribute to anything at all towards your dc's?

Snuppeline · 03/04/2010 17:18

Gosh what a mess. You need to untangle yourself from him financially so he can't ask for more of this sort of thing. If you still have something on the carloan consider selling that car and buying something else which will then not be in his name. As for giving him anything of that money you can tell him you'll consider giving him something if he pays of half of your carloan. If he doesn't then he can forget it. Paying for occational petrol fills would, in my world, be the same as giving a contribution for having use of it. It doesn't constitute downpayment. As for the house, obviously don't remorgage! However, can you get the house sold so you can stop paying mortgage on a house you don't live in? Perhaps you can buy something else where you and the dc's can live? Or at least not have to fork out money for both rent and mortgage! Does he contribute to anything at all towards your dc's?

RedBlueRed · 03/04/2010 17:23

He sounds like a complete piss artist. Well done for getting rid of him thus far, now finish the job!

Welcome to mumsnet

Original poster
JeezyPeeps · 03/04/2010 17:24

Thanks for the reply. I'm not considering remortgaging, don't worry!

He doesn't pay anything towards the kids in any substantial way. He hasn't worked for a long time (partly due to an agreement we made when the children were both pre-school, so that I could train for my job, and he could leave the job he hated and stay home with the kids - but that was not meant to be forever. But I have tried to get him interested in a few jobs over the last few years, ones that I know he could do or he has an interest in or he has expressed an interest in doing, and he always reacts very negatively).

When the kids go to his during school holidays I have always prepared a packed lunch for them. He has had to supply dinner a few nights when they stayed overnight. He has no money coming in, and has recently refused to sign on to JSA, prefering to try and start up self-employed. While at the same time telling me that he doesn't really know how 'financial stuff' works. He had a really great job offer, where he would be able to do his chosen self-employment career as a job, have everything he needs supplied and tax deducted at source, but apparantly thats not good enough.

He doesn't want to sell the house, he wants to rent it out for an income. But to do that all the things that haven't been done over the last few years would really need to be tackled - mainly replumbing and redecoration. And that costs money. But again, if we were going to sell it would all help bump up the price.

I am doing my best to sort out the finances, I guess the house is the last sticking point. Once I get everything of mine out of the house it will be better, because I'll be able to avoid spending any time there! Can't wait! But I'll be waiting a bit to go and get more stuff as I don't want to have to deal with him at the moment, it'll just blow up again I suspect.

OP posts:
Original poster
JeezyPeeps · 03/04/2010 17:25

Caininthepunt, thanks for making me laugh - you have just made my Easter!

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 03/04/2010 17:41

Hi Jezzy

I suggest as a first priority you deal with the car first. Why?

Because the house is in joint names so whilst you will eventually have to cross that bridge and decide who gets how much etc. The car is not so clear.

Whilst you are right that the registered keeper is not necessarily the owner, are you really going to fight it in court because it would cost a small fortune. Or worst still find he sold it?

Do what you must but I would say as a priority, get the log book and keep it safe.

Original poster
JeezyPeeps · 03/04/2010 19:31

Yes, you are right, and I have the documents at my new house. But thanks for the advice!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 03/04/2010 20:37

you not married so you bear no financial liability/responsibility towards him. am in same position.

am currently filing under trusts of land act to get the joint prperty sold. he will ahve to move - he also ahs no job so cannot buy me out.

i am renting with dcs.

i ahve had the "you ahve stolen my kids line" too...is jsut emotional guilt stuff.

car - i also was using car that was in his name- in the end my aunt gave me her old car so i handed car to him and said do what you want...

is he paying the insurance on it?
must be in his anme with you as co-driver?

depends what car it is ??? fiesta or bmw?? but maybe cut losses, sell car and get your own.

then work on separating financially, he ahs no incentive to work etc while you paying (my exP is paying some but not all of costs of joint owned flat)

my exP also not working.

you should stop perparing the packed lunch too -make it clear he in charge of their lunch.....

RedBlueRed · 04/04/2010 13:07

Glad to make you chuckle.

I'm just reading your op again, so he is the registered owner of the vehicle yet he wants you to sell it and split the money? Does he take responsibility for anything?
I suggest you sell the car, pay off the loan with his share and use your share to pay a solicitor to get him out of your life.

What if he manages to get a loan from somewhere to start up this business? If it doesn't work and he defaults you are tied financially so you need to separate asap imho.

And I agree, ignore the emotional guilt trip. Its just games - don't be played.

Original poster
JeezyPeeps · 04/04/2010 18:33

No - he doesn't take responsibility for anything. if only!!

I am feeling a lot more positive today. In part due to the fact that I have been feeling kinda alone, despite having good friends. It was always me that visited them, they would never come to my house, and now I really want them to come here (being a lone parent now it's not as easy for me to nip out for a couple of hours), but no-one has visited. Until today, I got a visit froim my new neighbour, and one from my old neighbour where we stayed before. So thats been really good, and I have plans for tomorrow now as well.

He can get lost with this cr*p, he is as much to blame for us splitting as I am - he just won't acknowledge it.

Thanks for giving me a sounding board, I really appreciate all your replies.

Onwards and upwards!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 05/04/2010 10:22

WHY is he living in the property you pay the mortgage on? The only reason I can see for him to remain in the house rather than you is that the DC live with him, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think you probably need legal advice to help you cut this parasite out of your life.

Original poster
JeezyPeeps · 05/04/2010 13:42

hi SGB. The reason is because he refused to move, so I chose to. The kids are with me, but they do see him regularly.

I'd rather not go down the legal route, but if it has to happen then I will.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 05/04/2010 21:42

JP, the sooner you get good legal advice the better, or this leech is going to bleed you white. I can only imagine he must have been very goodlooking once and/or spectacular in bed for you to have been content to keep him as, basically, a pet for all these years.

pithyslicker · 05/04/2010 21:54

Wasn't he at one time a SAHD?

"He hasn't worked for a long time (partly due to an agreement we made when the children were both pre-school, so that I could train for my job, and he could leave the job he hated and stay home with the kids - but that was not meant to be forever"

So at some time he must have had some redeeming features?

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