How to have a rational conversation with an unreasonable man??

[macdoodle]

I know a lot of you have unreasonable exes, so some hints please??

I need to have a serious conversation with my XH about the financial settlement for divorce settlement!
I try to talk to him as little as possible nowadays, better for my sanity!
He is an angry man, an angry man with a huge sense of entitlement, who blames me for his fuck ups!

We have been seperated nearly 4 years, divorce only just finalised, and we need to sort the financial settlement, I have been waiting for some property to sell, which hasnt, so now we need to make alternative arrangements!

I have some excellent advice from my divorce solicitor, and I know what I want, and it is very fair and generous (and reasonable), I know though he will kick off!

The next step is a expensive court case which I am desperate to avoid

Advice, thoughts, hints???

FWIW, I don't want anything FROM him, my offer is what I will GIVE him, and to try and sort out some undertakings towards the massive debt from his failed business which i am still paying for

He doesnt support his children!

macdoodle, I also have an unreasonable ex and have essentially stopped having conversations with him about anything vaguely important. Like your ex he sees me as responsible for his situation.

Now I communicate with him via email as it lessens the opportunity for him to distort or obscure what is being said. It seems to be working so far and is certainly helping me retain my sanity!

It may be that your situation is too complex to do this. Can you arrange for a mediator to help?

Good luck anyway.

Thanks Stagger!
He doesnt do e-mail.....although he does have a FB account, I suspect the OW/GF set it up as his profile pic was a pic of him and THEIR DD, no evidence on my 2DD's

We tried mediation, we just about managed 2 sessions to sort out the child access (but it was hard going)!
The 1st session about the finances, ended after half an hour when the mediator (a very nice polite calm older gent) told him that he was being a little unreasonable, so he swore at both of us and stormed out!

My legal bills are almost at the 10K mark, a court case will double that, and I wont actually have anything to show for it at the end just more debt

If I could get him to agree and then my solicitor draf the agreement we could finally move on!

Hi, i wondered if anyone had any advice. I have a dear friend who has two children 7 & 12 years. Her partner of 16 years ran off with colleague from work 4 years ago. He works for the local council and would and did not pay my friend a penny towards the upkeep of his children, instead insisting that my friend claim benefits which she is doing. She never has any money and has managed best she can renting a property and sharing custody of he children, he has them approx 3 days a week. (no legal agreement has been set between parents)

The ex (not married) earns good money but is crap with it & has recently split with woman that ran off with. He is now approaching my friend asking for money (child benefit) saying that he is entitled to it! - because he has the kids 3 days a week. Where does my friend stand with this. He is hasseling her and leaving abusive messages on the telephone and even threatening to tell the children that their mother is a bad person and is giving them no money.

I would be enormously grateful if anyone had any advice, my email is [email protected]

Nikiola, your friend needs a good family friendly solicitor to put everything on a proper legal footing which will include prohibiting the XP from making abusive phone calls to her. His financial problems are nothing to do with her and he is not entitled to the child benefit - he might have the DC 3 days a week but she still has them 4 days a week so the money is due to her, not him.

Macdoodle, put everything in a letter and send it to your X recorded delivery, outlining what you want him to do and what wil happen if he doesn't do it (check the letter with your solicitor before sending it, obviously). Then if the X doesn't comply, do what you said you were going to do if he didn't comply. ALways remember with unreasonable XPs, while their DC may have a right to contact with their father if they want and it isn't harmful to them, XPs do not have the right to direct contact with YOU, everything can be handled by a third party. Remember that no adult can be forced to have any kind of relationship with another adult against his/her wishes, if you tell someone you never want to hear from them again you can have them locked up for continuing to push for contact.