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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Soon to be Single Parent

8 replies

laurakate · 29/03/2010 22:42

So, after many months (read; years) of a miserable relationship, I have decided (I think) of finally moving out. My Daughter is soon to be 8 and my partner has gone from shouting abuse/insulting me in private to doing it infront of her. I know that I am better than that and I know that she should NEVER hear any of the things that he says....but I'll be honest with you all...I'm terrified! I've never lived alone, went straight from my parents to his. I'm going to have to claim DSS (something that I've never done before) and not sure where to start. I have no money to call my own and the thing that is worrying me more than anything is that my daughter has two cats and all the flats I'm looking at say 'No Pets'. Stupid, I know, but if I'm taking away her dad and her security...the least she should get is her cats!!

I'm really just looking for people in a similar situation to me, if there is anyone, to ley me know that I am not going crazy on my own

OP posts:
Mongolia · 29/03/2010 23:22

It is more difficult to take the decision than coping with the consequences of it.

You will be fine, but what is DSS?

Are you working? you may get an idea of what help you can get here.

laurakate · 29/03/2010 23:25

Thanks Mongolia. I'm not working, haven't worked for a while actually...at his request. Why did I need to work, when he did (and yes, I am both quoting and bitter ) DSS is benefits...I think that they can pay money towards your rent if you need too, which I will until I get myself on my feet.
I agree, the decision making is hard, really hard!

OP posts:
Mongolia · 30/03/2010 02:14

Before you announce you are leaving, calculate what you are entitled to. It may be the case that you would like to wait for a while and save in the mean time, as you have to wait several weeks (or better said, months) before you qualify for full Housing Benefit, and not all properties on rent accept tenants that are receiving it.

Other thing to consider is that as your child is already older than 7, you may not longer qualify for income support as a lone parent. You will be getting about £50 a week in child tax credits, and about £64 a week in job seekers allowance (obviously, if you are NOT looking for a job, you don't get it). From the £64, any amount your ex pays on maintenance will be deducted, and if it exceeds the £64, you won't get anything.

So the big question is, not whether to find a place for the cats, but whether you and your DD can survive with £114 a week? If you think you can't, I would recommend finding a job before leaving the marital home.

milkmonsters · 30/03/2010 02:45

First stop : ask for an appointment with a Lone Parent Advisor by phoning your local jobcentre. They can tell you what you need to claim for and what you might be eligible for.

Bear in mind they're selling a 'service' so like all business they want to keep costs down, they'll thus insist you'll be better off working and even offer to do calculations for you to prove this, but they will neglect to mention how the swings and roundabouts of all that you could earn weighed against different tax credits you won't earn actually leave you slightly worse off.

There's two of you, so you can apply for a 2-bed house rather than a flat if preferred and Housing Benefit will pay all of your rent (you will have a shortfall of about £20£50 each month which you will need to pay from your Income Support). They calculate annually but pay 4-weekly, so in fact you do receive the full Rent, but because it's paid over the whole year, you have amonthly shortfall. Don't even think about it, it's so complicated! But summarily, you WILL have enough to cover the rent each month, even if you have to top it up yourself out of your Income Support or Jobseeker's Allowance!

I'm newly single with two children under 3 and rent a £560 2-bed house in a village.

Don't think because you are on benefits you have to go for cruddy flats in the worst areas just because they're the only ones that accept DSS tenants, letting agents will accept you with a guarantor, sometimes good to go in person and have private appointment so they can see you don't fit the stereotype; I have actually sat in one letting agency whilst the agent complained about "stinking Polish immigrants on benefits we just shove them in the council flats they're so grateful" berore I explained my well-dressed, clean and articulate toddler in the local Private Prep School uniform (bursary scholarship entry, no fees) has a stinking Polish immigrant grandfather..

You will need to find around £500 (or whatever the rent is) for the first month's rent though, DSS will not pay that plus your moving costs, so have a contingency fund of at least £1000. You might have to get a loan for that or if you can't get credit ask family or friends or as a last resort negotiate with the landlord/letting agent.

You will receive Income Support, Child Benefit, Child Tax Credit, Council Tax Benefit too if you're eligible.

You can apply for the money for a Deposit with a Social Fund or Budgeting Loan from the DSS.

Letting Agents will accept Housing Benefit if you can provide a Guarantor.

'No Pets' generally means no yapping dogs or smelly reptiles! Cats will not usually cause damage to property or nuisance to neighbours, which landlords don't like, unless they're right old fleabags and are not housetrained !

I can't stress highly enough, take your own entry and exit photographs of wherever you rent as an Inventory.

Just go into your local DSS office (find it online)and ask for all the forms you need, or ring these numbers for all the forms you need. Callcentres, be prepared for long holds!

Your local Council Offices will have Housing Benefit and Council Tax Forms, you can't have these posted to you or ring up for them.

CHILD TAX CREDIT 0845 300 3900

CSA 08457 133 133

HEALTHY START 08701 555 455

JOBCENTRE PLUS(FOR BUDGETING LOAN and INCOME SUPPORT FORMS) 0800 055 6688

Claiming benefits for the first time and moving into rented accommodation on Housing Benefit is too complicated to think about, just fill out the forms, send them off FULLY FILLED IN to prevent delays,then let it all wash over your head and just tread water for several weeks whilst it all processes.

Once the benefits are all in place, everything's paid direct into your bank account regularly and everything becomes financially cosy.

That is, until you realise with an 8 year old child, you'll still have to physically go and sign on in the jobcentre each fortnight and attend regular "Why havent you got a job yet?" appointments. Government is cracking down on single mums out of work.

Following link calculates what benefits you could get.

www.entitledto.co.uk/Default.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

Mind you, advise getting a full time job that pays well rather than benefits, it's a system that's very easy to stay addicted to/trapped once you're in it.

Lastly, can you not stay with family or friends so you can save up, before you look for a more permanent home for you both?

best of luck.

milkmonsters · 30/03/2010 02:46

INCOME SUPPORT 0800 055 6688
CHILD BENEFIT 0845 302 1444
CHILD TAX CREDIT 0845 300 3900
CSA 08457 133 133
HEALTHY START 08701 555 455
JOBCENTRE PLUS(FOR BUDGETING LOAN) 0800 055 66

milkmonsters · 30/03/2010 02:53

BTW before anyone misinterprets and complains, I'm not condoning a life on benefits, this was my choice rather than moving into a women's refuge with my two babies and I have paid enough taxes over my working years to qualify for the benefits I now gratefully receive.

chubbasmum · 03/04/2010 14:51

Goodluck Laurakate big decision, but from what you have said it needed to be made its not easy being a single parent but its much better than living in that sort of environment with your child as long as you have a good support network of friends and relatives you will be fine big hug to you been there done it and alot stronger

laurakate · 19/04/2010 11:06

Thank you everyone for your help and advice.

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