stressy ex making me miserable

[cakenomore]

hes not violent but emotionaly manipulative puts me down and makes me doubt myselfand can b very nasty. its one thing afetr an other i am at breaking point i cant take anymore.

but the kids love him, apart from when he goes crazy every now and then, he sees them regulary, and has just started having both overnight once a week. which is life changing 4 me as r 18mths and 3 - not often undisturbed nights between them. am so shattered i cant deal with the he piles on me but then him having the kids gives a much needed break.

i am sooo lonely dont hav many freinds, and there is olny so much u can unload on one person. have worries about my health, waiting 4 appiontment, and youngest is a worry with allergies. 3 yrold starting to b affected by me being miserable and grumpy.

something has to change b4 i crack up and i dont know what or how. any ideas?

go yo GP and ask for counselling on NHS.

join a support group for separated and divorced

go to local surestart/childrens centre for support/drop in groups/parenting courses etc (not saying you need a parenting course but they can always teach something new and good way of meeting people)

thanks, sensible suggestions but hav been trying them and not working. i do go to surestart and hav been 2 gp and asked for counselling, it was suggested 2 me 2 stay away from ex. i think there r prob people who need counselling on nhs more than me and i feel like i would be wasting their time.

I drop kids off and leave really quick but he then rings me with aload of abuse about something ridiculous.

i struggle talking to anyone at baby groups am painfully shy and down which doesnt help. through i still go as kids love it there.

where r these support groups? dont have much time to go anywhere so really need something can acess on computer.

Whilst he's having his rant, put the phone on the edge of the armchair and walk off, put some music on and let him talk to himself. Leave the phone there until he's hung up. He can't upset you if you don't listen. Same as if he starts off in the flesh. Don't repsond at all and leave pronto...

The only thing you need to ever talk to him about is when he's having the kids. Get that sorted to schedule then drop them off and pick them up at a neutral(ish) place like his parents and then you don't have to see or speak to him at all.

That way he can't bully you or put you down. Your life is yours alone and he has no right to have any say in how you live it. Once you've removed the opportunities for him to have a pop at you, you will start to feel much much happier. Trust me. I haven't spoken to the x in 6 weeks and it's bliss!!

you have separated, your ex is making you stressed, you have small children, you say you are shy - a counsellor can help with all these things. you deserve this on nhs as much as anyone else!

www.drw.org.uk run groups.

agree with hanbanan - tactics to use. and get a separate pay as you go mobile only he uses an you use to text him on arangments - that keeps him out of your "real" life.

groups are difficult - but try approaching people who look "nice" - or similar age children, and ask them to come to yours for coffee with their child, or to meet in park on such and such a day for a picnic (thinking spring sunshine ) - they can only say no...

thanks for the input it meant alot to me. the seperate phone is a great idea stop me panicking every time phone rings. I have just got to learn NOT to listen to him anymore.