Contact for new baby and our DD ? really struggling and in need of advice please
Dh left me and our almost 3 year old DD in October and I am pregnant due in June.
I understand that what the best contact is for a newborn and what works best for a 3 year old are very different but I am trying to work out what is for the best ? My 2 problems at the mo are:
Contact with our DD is problematic at the moment (he has her for the weekend every other weekend and then picks her up from the childminders once night every week and drops her home) ? He is pushing for more ? she is showing signs of being upset and confused ? he thinks the solution is to see more of her but I spoke with her childminder and she thinks this could be more damaging ? and that she will benefit most ffom consistency, routine and reassurance from both of us rather than him trying to be around more.... PlusI have 2 problems with him having her more often
- I work virtually full time and do not want to give our DD for the other weekend any more than I do or I would not really see her (Monday ?Thursday is a quick hour together morning and night, hassled rushed and tired)
- I hate seeing him! I am still incredibly upset and hurt by what he has done to me (us) and find it very hard every time I see him. I breathe easy and get strong when I have that distance from him and am in a mess when I do see him ? I don?t need to be even more stressed whilst pregnant , trying to hold down a very pressured job, looking after DD and deal with the emotional and financial fallout. Plus I don?t think the arrangement that we have in place is unfair (would welcome any other opinions on this or ideas)
The other issue that I have is that I understand this contact will not work for a newborn...Does anyone know what is best for a newborn ? I understand that little and often is best when they are very young but I am not sure how to make it work (also given that I find the prospect of having him round a lot really upsetting - and knowing what effect sleep deprivation will be having in June too - but still understand the need for him to bond with the baby)
I think it could be really confusing too for our DD when the baby comes along suddenly having her Dad in the house lots ? as she is already confused about why he is not living with us anymore which is difficult and upsetting to deal with in itself ? but he can?t have a relationship with one and not the other can he ?
Its complicated, emotional and difficult to know what to do for the best for the DCS. I have set up a meeting for us to talk about this on Thursday and want to go in with some idea of what I want.. but I am actually not sure what is going to work here. Please help!!