exP says wants to mediate....

[cestlavielife]

after receiving letter from my solciitor with regard to financial separation - have also posted in legal -

he says will mediate but he does not say what his counter proposals are....

essentially, i moved out in april 2008 with dcs to rent a property leaving exP in joint owned flat 1, for which he has been underpaying all expenses (ie expensees mortgage etc come to 550 a month, he has been paying 370)>
we also joint own a flat 2 which is rented out.

we were not married.

letter (letter before action) to him from my solicitor said: will file at court to apply for sale of both flats 1 and 2 under trusts of land act, with concurrent application under childrens act to determine correct share of equity released from sales in terms of provision for the children.

i have tried by email to ask him his view on this for the last 18 months with no response. my solicitor wrote that "as attempts to dicsuss finances have failed no choice but to file at court. "

his letter response (he represents himself) states (paraphrasing) - "drop the court case because i want to mediate and i have always wanted to mediate but she (ie me) has refused to mediate. "

(i refused to mediate because he was abusive and violent to me, so i felt court arena was more secure for children contact issues, we had cafcass involved who recommended supervised contact, they also offered CAFCASS family conference which he refused to attend...so effectively, he refused "mediation" at that point).

anyway - if a solicitor asks for specific action:

ie agree to sell the flats - or we go to courtto elt court decide -

and his reply is "i want to mediate, so I expect you to not file the papers at court" but does not actually express any view with regards to selling the flats -

does that mean i have to hold off filing at court?

surely any mediation (i am meeting a potential third party "gobetween" this week but not sure if will work out) can still continue while we await first hearing?

and if we can mediate between filing the papers and before hearing then will mean only one hearing to sign and stamp agreement?

if i hold off, I suspect it will only drag it out further - there is a two to three month wait anyway for a first hearing...he is manipulative etc and for my benefit (and surely for his?) better to let a judge decide if is fair to sell the joint owned properties? and decide who gets what in terms of equity share?

tks

I'm confused. Is this regarding the property, children or both.

Are you on legal aid? As I understand it, if you are talking about the kids then mediation is compulsary for you (since he is representing himself)

If neither of you are on legal aid then you can go straight to court if you prefer.

It does take a long time and costs a lot so if there is a chance of mediation then it may be worth a shot.

this is purely about finances.

i am not on legal aid.

we have "done" the contact issues and have a final court order - (alternate weekends and one eve a week, supervised though ahve been relaxing a little on that..) during that process (several court hearing from 2008 thru to end 2009) he a) refused to attend a CAFCASS family conference and b) did not turn up to the final hearing. he is trying to push "mediation" - using a friend of his from his church as a third party - i meet her on weds and have an open mind...)

so this is solely about financial matters ie to achieve financial separation by selling joint owned properties. i need to get out of a joint account out of which little money goes in (rental, his contribution) and too much goes out (mortgage payments, gradually reducing the extensive overdraft)- last year he incurred 400£ of bank charges by overdrawing it over the overdraft limit-is halifax so now being charged £1 per day as still overdrawn!

my question really was - what is the point of not filing at court - how can it benefit me?

when filing at court does not preclude any "mediation" taking place between filing and getting a date for the first hearing? and when i suspect he just wants to drag things out/manipulate?

especially when he does not actually state what his views are on selling - surely if solciitor eltter says "your ex wants to sell what do you say?2 he shoudl say "i do want to sell / i dont want to sell?"

(he would have to move out of the joint owned property as he does not work and cannot afford to buy me out - only way round is to sell and share the remaining equity after paying mortgages - if market is good then potentially 50,000 each...) . i can see no reason why he would object to selling the buy to let property.

does the judge on finance apply same rules re: mediation?

it is essentially a straightforwaard financial matter here - we both own jointly two flats - i need my equity - he sells or buys me out. he has prevaricated on the finance issues for two years...

I'd say he's playing games.

He's already had 18 months. I'd point out that he's got three months before any likely court date so if he stops faffing and puts flat no1 on the market, it could be sold (or he could remortgage and pay you) before anything happens.

Plus he could give the tenant in flat 2 notice. That would be a reasonable indication of his intent.