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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

so so soooooooooo angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 replies

benbon · 21/03/2010 18:37

just got my kids back after them being with their dad to learn he has introduced them to his new girlfriend.....

we only split in july last year this is the second (although very likely there were more) girlfriend since we split. he hasnt had them for 3 weeks as he went on holiday with this new girlfriend... im just so angry that after 3 weeks of not seeing them he cant pry himself away from her for 2 days so he can see his kids!!!

im so angry im not even making sense.. oh yes then he called me SIMPLE!!

OP posts:

Tyson86 · 21/03/2010 18:43

How long has he been seeing her???

talie101 · 21/03/2010 18:50

I feel for you! I had exactly the same thing happen to me even after I asked him NOT to introduce his gf because it was too soon!

Trouble is we don't have any say in what they do or how they do it - just have to put up with the fact that men don't think or behave like women and often don't have a clue - they are just selfish!

Taken a long time for me but I've now realised that by getting stressed out over things that aren't in your control, the only person you are hurting is yourself.

Try take a step back, not let him get to you and just be there for your children.

Good luck.

Original poster

benbon · 21/03/2010 18:54

well he was seeing somone else in january so a max of 2 months... i also asked him not to introduce the kids to anyone... my god i wanna smack him!

OP posts:

Tanga · 21/03/2010 20:09

The thing is, as his ex, do you get to make decisions like that for him? I wouldn't have allowed my ex to tell me who I could introduce our children to, or when.

I know this can be an enormously emotive issue but you sound a lot more bothered than the kids (as I'm sure you would have mentioned if they were upset) but what will have an immediate effect is any unpleasantness at handover(as it sounds like you've had 'words') and that really needs to be avoided.

My DD's stepmum is a lovely person and DD has gained a lot from their relationship (although it looks like my idiot ex might well be beggaring it up) so you never know, this might be the start of something good for your children - at least it sounds like she's interested enough to want to meet them and spend time with them.

Mongolia · 21/03/2010 20:20

"Taken a long time for me but I've now realised that by getting stressed out over things that aren't in your control, the only person you are hurting is yourself."

That's the thing, you have to learn to let go. Besides, is not as he introduced her as their new mummy or anything of the sort, is it? For the children, she may have been like a friend or distant relative. So don't hurt the children yourself. The fact is that at this moment in time, this woman is just a woman for them unless you lay some importance on her by getting worked out about it.

And a little piece of advice... remember that women coming into the life of your ex may end up being very important people in the life of your children. THey may end up providing a lot of care and comfort them when is needed, so... be kind to them, just for the sake of your children.

GypsyMoth · 21/03/2010 20:24

You can't impose restrictions like that..... You don't own your children...... Their dad has as much right as you do to say who they can snd can't meet. You have no say over what they do when with him, just has he doesn't when with you. I say pick your battles

shoptilidrop · 21/03/2010 20:39

you know. you have a right to be angry. i know how you feel. EXDH introduced dd to his gf the first weekend he had her after we moved house. It was literally a month since we moved out of the marital home.
worse still was that he didnt even tell me and i found out a few months later via facebook.

I was fuming. actually fuming doesnt cover it.

But like the others have said. at some point you learn to stop being angry at them as the only person you are hurting is yourself.

as long as your child is ok/saf/happy then thats all you have to worry about. If your exdh choses to introduce them to every gf its their choice and something they will have to answer to when the dc are older and ask questions.

Niceguy2 · 21/03/2010 21:43

I find most of the time that if you dig deeper, anger when your ex introduces them to a new GF is usually a reaction to your own insecurity and jealousy rather than any tangible fears for the children's welfare.

I've yet to hear of a case where kids have mistaken their dad's new GF as a new mum or have turned around and told their mum that they are no longer needed.

As others have said, your ex can introduce them to whom he likes, when he likes so long as he keeps them safe. You may not like it but its the plain reality of single parenthood.

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