Emotional support, I have worries

[Scorps]

My h left me at 38 weeks pg with dc4 - so now my dcs are 7,5,1 & 11 weeks and I'm alone. I'm 25. He cheated on me a few times, lied etc but left because he didn't love me. Were together 7 yrs

I can cope with seeing him, we don't fall out, he sees dc alot and gives me proper money regularly.

My worries mostly focus on him moving on to a new gf (he hasn't yet afaik) and my worry of being alone forever. I am now so scared of my future, of being lonely, of feeling unfulfilled.

I miss sex alot. I miss my dc when they're with him, although I have lacey all the time. I feel ugly and worthless and no use to anyone - the one person I loved in the whole world, adored, fell out of love with me. I wasn't enough, and never will be for anyone. I try to look pretty but it's all shit.

The baby is exc bf and I can't leave her, she refuses bottles from me and others.

I feel resentful sometimes. I'm so utterly afraid of him moving on too soon, if it was soon I think I would crash again - I'm managing dc perfectly, all my worries centre on personal lives iyswim. I don't even havexmale friends and the thought of being intimate with another man is v odd (I haven't had many bfs as I have had 2 long relationships since I was 15).

So how do you learn that your lives are seperate, that now my life is mine and his is his? What do I do when I know he has a gf? I hv alot of family support available. How do I reassure myself on all this?

This is so far removed from what I planned.

Hi,

My ex left me when I was 38 weeks pred with dc3, I was 28.

Like your x he saw the children loads and gave me money. It took a while to get over it, we were married and I thought that meant forever......like you I had never planned to be a single parent.

It is now almost 12 years since he left and it took about a year to be able to let go and I didn't date a man for 3 years after he left. I was just too scared that I'd make a bad decision.

My x got a new girlfriend within in weeks which I hated - they then married and then he left her - smug smile!

I thought I would never find anyone until all my children were grown up. But I did and this year we celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary.

Strangely enough when I got together with my husband I felt that a really good perios of my life was coming to an end. My children and I were so close and I could do whatever I wanted with them. Angel Delight in the garden at 11.00pm because they couldn't sleep. Fish and chips on a Wednesday after work because I could be bothered to cook.

It does get better, I did try anti depressants for a while but kept forgetting to take them. My health visitor was great and so was my GP.

Hang on in there

I can't really help with this, but thought I'd bump it for you.
My DDs father left 4 years ago and I haven't seen him since (DD is 7yo) I miss the sex too as he is the last person I was intimate with, but I have hope
You need to boost your self confidence and try and construct a social life. Do you have family around to support you?
Breaking up is always hard, but if it isn't working then it's the best thing for both of you, whether you realise this at the moment or not.
I hope someone will come along with some words of wisdom.

Thankyou both

The break up was a huge shock - literally out of the blue for me. The day before we were planning holiday and doing Xmas shopping.

I don't feel ready at all for a new man, but I feel so crap and shitty about myself that I'm sure no one will ever take an interest in me.

I have alot of friends and my family are fab (my dad is almost an mn legend cos he's so fab lol) so yes I have all that. I'm fine financially too, it's just these fears and my self esteem.

I feel like I'm hemmed in too - I'd quite like to go out tonight but mum can't babysit, dads home from being away today and they will have missed each other.

He wants to take dcs 2&3 away next weekend to his mums - I almost want to say no cos I will miss them so much but I won't as that's unfair. Ds1 isn't biologically his.

I hate myself, I must be one horrid woman for someone to prefer to leave their kids and baby before she's even born. I loved him so much, adored him, I would say even more than the average love iyswim.

You're bound to feel a bit down on yourself at the moment. As you said, it's a huge shock and you've just had another DC so emotionally, you're going to be a bit dodgy! You're lucky to have loving friends and family - I haven't had a night out since my ex left!
I'm am sure you are not a horrid person, sometimes relationships don't work out for one reason or another. He just isn't the right person for you and one day you will see that.

I can remeber those feelings, that he must hate me more than he loves his unborn daughter.

It does get easier and you're not a horrid woman. something awful has happened to you when you are at your most vulnerable. Just trust that you are a nice person and get through each day as best as you can.

But when does it stop being each day?! My fried said today there is no set timeframe and it's individual and I guess she's right. I don't want it to hurt every day anymore

I feel guilty about dcs not having an upbringing like mine - parents together 31 years now and still miss each other

hey Scorps stop running yourself down immediately!
from your post i get the impression you are quite a formidable woman: you are managing 4dcs perfectly well on your own. you've had a really horrible shock, but this may well be about your ex, not you.
give yourself time, take time out every day without fail to do something small for yourself and that makes you feel better. maybe watch a film, or paint your toenails - anything that lifts your mood, even if just a little bit.
just please stop putting yourself down x

You're only 25 - a spring chicken!! You are bound to meet someone else and even if you don't feel it at the moment you are obviously an attractive person to have had two long relationships and 4 kids to boot.

Don't ever let yourself believe that you must be a horrible person to have been left alone pregnant...I think it says more about him than you to be fair. People leave because of their own problems. Perhaps he couldn't cope, I don't know, but it's certainly his weakness and not yours.

Take strength in your youth and the fact that you will meet someone else, just take your time and be picky because you and your kids deserve the best. I bet even your x worries about you meeting someone else too.

And remember, you are more important to him s the mother and carer of his kids than anyone else in his life at the moment and that will always be the case. However, you deserve happiness as does he and that will undoubtedly come for you. Life doesn't always work out the way we planned it, it's not fair but then through adversity you will become even stronger and having had a couple of long relationships myself I know it is possible to love again.