Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

calm me down......

13 replies

messymissy · 20/03/2010 09:14

hopping mad and aggravatingly dissappointed that ex dp has just texted to say he wont be coming to see dd today.

he has been on a boys night out and says he is still out with them.

bloody annoyed. what am i supposed to say to dd? she knows daddy usually comes on a saturday.

This is not the first time he has cancelled at the last minute but as she gets older its harder.

I just say he is not coming today and dread that she will one day ask why.

want to shout and scream and call all his friends and tell them what a waste of space he is, especially the ones he was out with last night as two of them are also dads bet they went home to see their kids.

OP posts:

JollyPirate · 20/03/2010 09:22

Text him back and say that if he does not turn up he can go to a solicitor before seeing her letting her down again.

My dad was like that. Total waste of space.

Original poster

messymissy · 20/03/2010 09:27

he is useless. he would rather stay drinking with his buddies then see DD but then moans and moans and moans that he only sees her one day a week!

OP posts:

HanBanan · 20/03/2010 09:46

Yep completely selfish. Don't bother to call his mates tho because you always end up looking the bad/crazy person, trust me been there and done that.
Sorry, don't know what else to advise tho. If he's likely to improve you could talk to him about it. If you think he's a waster then you might be better off assuming he isn't going to be coming next sat either.

weblette · 20/03/2010 09:52

What a wanker. I'm sure his mates are aware too.

Hope you're keeping a record of when he does this.

Original poster

messymissy · 20/03/2010 10:55

thanks, still want to shout the roof tops though, but dont want to look like a crazy person.

just so annoyed with myself for letting it bother me, feel all anxious and stressed.

dont know if his mates do know. he is good at putting on an act, surely if there were good mates they would tell him - oh, arent you supposed to see your dd today.

yes, I will keep a record of it, will have to edit it as at the moment it is full of expletives!!!!!

it was all i could do to send him a calm text as I know if i sent what i really wanted to he would show it around.

how do i calm myself down? how do i stop feeling so bloody angry?

OP posts:

Original poster

messymissy · 20/03/2010 11:27

slowly calming down. Helped in a huge part by DD who just walked in with her knickers in her hand and said oops mummy I'll put these in the washing machine, never mind we will it clear up!! had to smile!

OP posts:

Mongolia · 20/03/2010 23:28

Agree with JollyPirate... exh stopped being so "informal" about contact since he realised I had the power to restrict contact. Now he has to go to a solicitor every time he needs to change the arranged times, things are much the better.

Original poster

messymissy · 21/03/2010 07:20

havent been down the legal route yet, but may have to if he keeps messing us around.

OP posts:

BelleDameSansMerci · 21/03/2010 07:43

Think you should calmly explain to exP how disappointed DD is when he doesn't come to see her. Ask him if he would be happier if you formalised things legally as the current arrangement isn't working well for DD.

Manipulative but may work...

AlwaysTheMummy · 21/03/2010 08:01

Know exactly how you feel.

The night before our daughters 2nd birthday my ex decided to go out on the lash and not go to bed until 6am, needless to say he missed the whole day and turned up at 8.30pm when dd was in bed, I was raging. He tried to say he was at work last night as he does usually work night shift but what the moron failed to forget was that he splashed it all over facebook and I have him as a friend.

Needless to say I tunred him away and told him how upset his daughter was that she never saw him.

Original poster

messymissy · 21/03/2010 08:54

luckily for me my dd isnt that bothered at the moment as she hasnt quite got the passage of time bit yet so next saturday to her may be tomorrow!

she took it in her stride although she was expecting him to come to the party we were going to. I just said we would have a nice time and we did.

Its going to go one of two ways,

she is either going to be totally nonplussed if she sees him or not, she rarely wants to speak to him on the phone and sometimes will say she doesnt want him to visit. but she is usually pleased to see him when he does turn up.

she will miss him and wonder why he isnt turning up.

i think i was also annoyed that he texted rather than phoned and that he didnt even say sorry, just not coming today hope the party is ok.

OP posts:

Original poster

messymissy · 21/03/2010 08:55

always the mummy - sorry you had a rough time on your dds birthday - good for you to turn him away.

OP posts:

BooyhooNOTboohoooORbooyou · 21/03/2010 09:09

ive been there aswell.

tbh i wouldnt even ask him if he wants if formalised. i would just go and see a solicitor myself and seek advice on arranging visits through them.

i assume you want him to see your DD and arent concerned about his parenting/ if that is the case then i would go along the lines of getting an agreed schedule that both have signed. you are looking out for your daughter. if he reneges on that then you can say he obviously isnt interested and end the contact. it isnt good for your dd to be messed about as im sure you are all too aware of.

my ex had weekly contact with my ds, he took him for four hours on a sat, he worked all week as a postie so couldnt have him overnight because of his very early starts. he never asked to keep him saturday night because i assume this was the night he went out with friends. anyway, he moved do a different country and told people it was because he wasn't seeing ds enough . hardly the best way to see more of is it?

Flip