Help - how do I get out of this situation?

[electra]

To cut a long story short I have been living with my parents since I split with my ex-husband. I have been ill on and off for about 4 years now (I have bipolar disorder) and just when I seem to be getting better I find myself back under observation and have had time in hospital.

I have a very difficult relationship with my parents and they have always been emotionally abusive (and my father is an angry alcoholic) but switch this with spells of being helpful and then back again and tell me how ungrateful I am (even though I would dispute this!) While we have been here I have tried to make it as easy as possible but NOTHING I do is good enough and I need to get out of here.

The problem I have is that I can't get social housing because I'm 'already housed' and I have no furniture because my ex got everything as I was really unwell when we broke up and didn't take anything with me excpet my books - stupid I know

My doctor says living here is likely to trigger ill periods rather than help me......but what to do to get out of this situation? Tonight I feel it's the final straw as dd2 who is only 6 came to me tonight and told me my mother has been calling me things like 'a shitting cow bag' when I'm not there - to her! And I think it is very unfair on her. My mother also plays her off against her older sister and their relationship is suffering.

I know I was stupid to live here in the first place but at the time I didn't know what else to do and now I see that it was a big mistake.

Does anyone have any advice? Although it can't happen overnight I have to start doing something...

That's a terrible situation for you all to be living in. Have you been to the CAB for advice? You can get a privately rented house and claim housing benefit, there's schemes where the deposit can be paid for you aswell and places where you can buy second hand furniture really cheaply, people donate sofas etc to them and they sell them for a nominal fee or there's freecycle where people give away their unwanted things to stop them ending up in landfill. The CAB are really helpful, maybe try them.

I hope it all works out for you, the hardest bit is making the decision and doing something about it, you are nearly there.

You need to get your parents to kick you out basically. If they are prepared to say that you can no longer stay there, then you will have to be housed. My sympathies, sounds like a dreadful situation, particularly if your DC are being sucked into it by your mum.

Thanks for replies - LadyB, we thought about that but it could back fire because I know someone who did that and ended up in a worse situation - they don't have to house you anywhere suitable if you are kicked out.....and I have an autistic child who might not cope if that happened - and she sometimes has to work at home - it's complicated!

I think I will have to find somewhere privately - I guess the furniture is not a huge problem - I can build stuff up gradually. The girls see a lot of their dad, which helps them. But my parents bad mouth me and their dad in front of them which I have asked them not to do. It would be best if I didn't see them very much but they like to try to have a hold over me and say things like 'you are nothing without us'.

Hi electra, do you have a care coordinator at the local community mental health team?

If your situation is exacerbating your mental health issues then you should be able to get some help/advocacy around your housing. However you are right that you often don't have much choice about where you are housed.

Speak to your doctor and ask him/her to write you a letter of support to the housing dept. I work in a mental health team and we routinely advocate for clients in similar situations.

Good luck

hi electra
your lacl council should have details of your local floating support service. they will help you to deal with the council regarding housing.
all councils will do their damndest to put off propective applicants. i think that with the right people fighting your corner you would get somewhere, as you are living in conditions which are detrimental to your health.
also consider using a solicitor to help with getting housed if you are entitled to legal aid. due to your illness you are classed as vulnerable, and you could really do with someone expressing this to the council.

*local council...