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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Does any other lone parent out there feel like giving everything up and handing back the dcs?

18 replies

passmyglassplease · 19/03/2010 11:40

I need a rant, please indulge me

I am so frustrated at the inability of the ex to understand that it is not about what is good for him its about whats good for the children.

He would like 50/50 custody, but I don't think it would be beneficial for the children to be shunted from pillar to post just cos it is what he wants. They are very happy and settled at school and at home, I have worked extremely hard in my endeavours to minimise the effects of the marriage break down, and feel that now everything is going well, that the ex wants a piece of it.

After our children were born he spent years telling everyone that they shouldn't have children as it would only ruin their lives!

Is this a man who really cares about his dcs and their welfare? bearing in mind that one of the dcs suffers from a condition that has him hospitalised frequently and when asked if he would like to share some of the care after one of these incidents, replied that he was to busy but his parents would step in.

Right now I am ready to walk out of the whole mess and disappear, go where no one knows my name or situation just takes me for what I am, not for how much they can push me.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 19/03/2010 11:43

well we all feel that way occasionally!

but its not an option is it.....you'd be on your own 3 days max before regretting it,in fact,i wouldnt give you that long!!

Original poster
passmyglassplease · 19/03/2010 11:54

Don't get me wrong I love my dcs dearly and would do anything for them, but right now I am in a place where I could so easily throw in the towel.

I feel so bogged down by the responsibility, and I just haven;t got any fight left.

I begin to doubt myself.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 19/03/2010 12:03

yes,i do too!

i have 5 dc....2 eldest are girls,both teenagers making their way in the world....and 3 boys...and no dad around at all.

the responsibility of it all does get to me too. i really understand.

its hard

Original poster
passmyglassplease · 19/03/2010 13:08

thanks for answering me threeblondeboys,

I feel near to tears, I really don't know what to do next, I keep getting shitty letters from the Solicitors telling me what a great dad he is\was and that our next step is a court battle if I don't agree to his demands.

I am also financially dependant on him so some extent as I work part time so that I can be there for the dcs especially the one who has health problems.

I live in a flat that is jointly owned, we also own a property in France which is killing us, I just don't want to think about money or all the associated hassle that goes with it.

I want him to bugger off with his new partner and leave us be.

OP posts:
flowerpotwoman · 19/03/2010 14:18

Pass, perhaps you should put a post in the 'Legal matters' section: there are family law experts who have knowledge about these matters.

FWIW - and I know very little of the law - you really don't have to 'agree to his demands'. If you're getting legal aid, you should have someone fighting your corner: FIGHT for what you believe in! Your DC - and you - are worth it.

FPW

Mongolia · 20/03/2010 23:24

Wait for the bad moment to pass, because definitively it will.

Don't worry too much about the solicitors' letters... unfortunately, apart from you and your solicitor, NOBODY reads them, and in that I'm sad to include the court.

Have you separated the assets already? I know that court is a scary prospect, but don't forget it can turn out to be to your benefit.

Eurostar · 20/03/2010 23:33

Do you think this is about money? i.e. with 50/50 custody he pays less maintenance?

maristella · 21/03/2010 00:46

don't give up OP, that is exactly what may be hoped you will do.
laugh at the letters; you know best, and make sure you have legal representation to fight your corner

Original poster
passmyglassplease · 25/03/2010 15:29

Things are still a little stressful in respect of the Solicitors letters but I think I have finally found the strength to deal with them.

I have instructed my Solicitor to let them know that we will be going to court.

I am now waiting for the fall out and am trying to sort out Legal Aid.

Watch this space.

Thanks for all your support, it really did help.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 25/03/2010 15:32

you know if you go to court you will get chance to put forward your point of view to a judge, and you can get CAFCASS involved too which might help...

initial hearings are formal but not as bad /intimidating as i imagined.

munchkinland · 25/03/2010 18:20

passmyglass, does your X see the children at all at the moment?

Original poster
passmyglassplease · 25/03/2010 21:48

yes he sees them every other weekend and has half the holidays.

I have never denied him access, however he chooses not to make any effort outside his allocated times even though he moved 2 roads from us to be near the children!

My thoughts are that he wants to show the court that he is willing to move to be near his children, its just a shame he doesn't want to see them!!!

OP posts:
Mongolia · 29/03/2010 20:59

Glad to see you back, are you feeling a bit better?

Mongolia · 29/03/2010 21:00

The fact that he doesn't make any effort to use the flexibility you are providing won't make him look well in court.

CocoChantelle · 29/03/2010 22:20

Message deleted

UpToMyTitsOf · 29/03/2010 23:04

Oh yes, hand them to him so you can have more time to yourself!!!

[sarcastic emoticon]

I guess she wouldn't have any problem in a 50/50 split, if the father had acted in a way that showed he could be trusted with such responsibility. This doesn't seem to be the case here.

Madascheese · 30/03/2010 05:33

Hi Pass,

You have every bit of my sympathy and empathy, it's a struggle every day and it's incredible that any parent can behave this way.

From a practical point of view the best advice I got from my solicitor was that solicitors letters don't win court battles. He can say anything he wants, make any allegations he likes, but just because he says it doesn't make it true. You will see a very different story emerging when statements are produced. Ignore the letters unless they are actually asking questions. Let him waste his time and money on solicitors (solicitors fees don't get taken into account for financial settlement)

You WILL get there, it WILL end, don't look too far into the future, just deal with one thing at a time.

tartyhighheels · 30/03/2010 07:09

Yes I have had my moments like this too - horrible.

Shared residence has to be an agreed state between parents, if you cannot agree then it will not happen. He cannot force the issue and if you already have residence then the court are very likely to leave it as it is.

It does come good,try not to project too far into the future, asmadascheese says,one thing at a time.

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