what if my son doesn't ever really know his dad?

[Haveabanana]

Does anyone have any experience of how a son gets on with not really ever having had a dad around?
My son is 2 and a half, and his dad left when he was about 3 months old. Since then, he has seen him a handful of times for a morning or something, always with me around.
I can't say my son has any relationship with his dad, but I have kept at it because all the books I've read say boys really struggle not having any father figure or and that for any child, a dad who isn't great but is around is better than none at all.

The trouble now is that we had arranged for his dad to come and see my son for a morning over Easter, but now he (the dad) is saying he only wants it to be an hour to an hour and a half at most. The reason? He will have a new girlfriend waiting for him in a hotel room and he doesn't want to her hanging about. Or rather, her and her four year old son. So he is cutting back on the time he will have with his own son (who he last saw for a morning in February) so that he can spent more of a lovely long weekend with...somebody else's son.

I want to just tell him to forget any pretence of being anything approaching a father and to put an end to any contact. But should I bite my tongue and hang in there, because in the long term that will be better for my son?

Hang in there.....yes ex does sound like a twonk but you need to keep lines of communication open and not restrict visits. Otherwise you run the risk in years to come that Ex will turn the tables and make it look all like your fault.

Keep at it while your son is small,for me I need to be able to show and prove to my ds that i done everything i could to keep his dad in his life.
My ds is now 8 and is old enough to understand his dad chooses not to see him

Never mind your ex. Children (sons or daughters) are usually fine when one parent is absent. For example, if a parent dies statistically the long term outcomes for children are better than those of separated families. However, children who lost a parent through death are secure about their parentage and family whereas children of separated families may be insecure about their heritage. This tends to lead to low self esteem with a knock on effect of behavioural and emotional problems and dysfunctional relationships in adulthood.

Therefore any contact should be welcomed and encouraging children to think about families through play and art materials and learning through the use of photographs and timelines that chart the significant moments supports children in increasing their self esteem and sense of who they are. Developing an understanding of a parent, even if they aren't around very much, often assists children in settling on a confident perception of their own worth.

I was in the say situation about 4yrs ago. DS father was erratic with contact but I persevered. Eventually the contact just stopped and my DDS has not seen him in 3.5yrs. It upset me at the time but now I'm just angry that he does not want to spend time with him. I was very lucky as his grandad became the father figure at the time.

For the sake of your DC, keep at it. If his father then stops the contact and you have tried your best to maitain it, you can at least tell your son that you tried your best.

Don't end the contact because you will end up the bad guy.

Thanks everyone for your views on this. I am really struggling because it seems almost demeaning to me and my son to accept being so far down his list of priorities. It's very much that he will see my son, but only if it doesn't interfere with his other plans which are obviously much more important to him. AAAAARGGGGGGHHHHHH

I've got tired of being the bigger person and behaving nicely and want to wreak vengence on him for what he's doing to DS ( and DS's future sense of self). Only what with being a single parent and all, I find I really haven't got the time...AAAAAAAARGGGGGGHHHHHHHH