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Next time I am thinking of asking xp for a financial contribution towards our children........

20 replies

MrsMorgan · 13/03/2010 14:45

Tell me not to bloody bother, cos it always ends in the same way.

I get told that I should get my bloke to contribute (I don't have one) and that I should drink less (I have one cheap bottle of wine a week) and then I wouldn't have to keep asking him.

All I wanted was £15 towards dd2's swimming. His currently gives me £0 for any of the dc.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
coldtits · 13/03/2010 14:47

CSA

GypsyMoth · 13/03/2010 14:49

yes csa...even if hes on jsa you'l get £5 a week. (yeah,i know!!)

MrsMorgan · 13/03/2010 14:56

Oh sorry I forget, I do get £5 a week CSA between 3 children.

This is because he isn't working and has no intention of doing so.

Suppose I should be grateful I even get that.

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GypsyMoth · 13/03/2010 15:00

yes,mine has said he wont work either. 4 dc and he was horrified at how much csa used to take....he has refused to work for 4 years now...

not only that,i get no break,and its bloody hard work. i have no support and as kids are all getting older the stress is increasing....sorry,rambling on your thread!

MrsMorgan · 13/03/2010 15:07

No, you carry on vent away

I do get a break at least, although the kids aren't keen on going because xp does nothing at all with them.

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muggglewump · 13/03/2010 15:30

I'm going through Australian CSA current;ly. My ex has lied about how much he is earning, and won't even pay the minimum of £15 a month, but, and this is the interesting bit, he claims he had a breakdown so is now living scaled down life and not working much (he has his own business) and the CSA have told him tough, he has to work more as he has a responsibility to our DD so he'll have to pay X (still waiting to find out what X will be) and if he doesn't pay it one way or another, they'll take it from his bank accounts.

In Australia NRP's aren't given the choice of not paying because they don't work. The amount that they are capable of earning is taken into a account

SingleMum01 · 13/03/2010 15:43

I like Australia's attitude, some dads just have no idea (SM trying not to dwell on what a twat her XH is!)

GypsyMoth · 13/03/2010 15:51

liking aussie rules too!!!

my ex got chucked out of the army though...so dont know how they would work out potential earnings for a job that is like ....

we will all look back with pride at doing this orselves one day you know!! and you know what,my teenage dd's have both been overheard saying to friends that mm is doing job of two parents/mm is the one who has cared etc etc,so it doesnt go unnoticed and while they sholdnt have to be gratefull,they are aware of useless fathers and how hard it is

my ex is not allowed access....i think i shold be compensated for that!! somehow....as he's caused his life to become a mess. god,i'm rambling again!!

Niceguy2 · 13/03/2010 18:16

Yes our CSA has a lot to learn from the Australian system

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/03/2010 19:00

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GypsyMoth · 13/03/2010 19:03

they dont liase.its rubbish. my ex's claim stops when he changes benefits. i have to ring them each time. so i m iss out on money as it just gets collected,as does all his arrears,once he's working. which he will never do!

he goes from jobseekers then to disability,then back onto jobseekers...

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/03/2010 19:08

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roxron · 13/03/2010 19:13

It really gets me down - my daughter has a young son of 6 and she gets absolutley nothing from her lazy, work shy ex partner to contribute towards the child - she is still contacted by bailiffs for debts he left her with. He is supporting a new wife with 3 children, pays for a fancy wedding, goes away abroad on honeymoon and still does not even buy my grandson school shoes. Where he gets his money from is a mystery but my daughter certainly doesn't see any of it. My own ex husband who is far better off (wealthy retired at 52) than me and my partner doesn't help voluntarily towards a desperate situation with his daughter and grandson - it is myself and my partner who go without to help them....I feel so strongly about parents and grandparents who can just simply forget they have responsibilities - if I was to produce an account to be paid by both these men - I dread to think how many thousands it would be

muggglewump · 14/03/2010 12:18

SGM.
We both handed over out tax returns, and I was quite prepared to show what I had earned since DD was born.
His tax return showed he was earning very little, but he wouldn't provide any for previous years, and then he came up with the breakdown story. They're not daft and see that he suddenly scaled down his lifestyle as soon as he found out he'd have to pay maintenance.
He's put a few things through his business account which he shouldn't, and they acknowledge he may well be doing cash in hand work.
He claims his parents give him money and that's how he manages when his rent and food alone are twice what he claims he earns.

I got together everything I could to show him as a liar (including an e-mail from his Dad, telling me that he will be telling his son to support DD, which kinda blows the story about his parents giving him money), which wasn't easy given I haven't seen him in 6 years and we are on opposite sides of the world but it was enough to prove what he is capable of earning.
He really tripped himself up when he claimed he was upset at not having contact details for DD. I proved DD and I still live in the house that ex and I had originally rented together.

That's where what he is capable of earning comes into it. They don't buy his story, but can't do much about it, so they tell him he has to earn more than he is and pay me more.

I doubt he will voluntarily pay anything, but they can take money from him, they've done it twice already, and will keep doing it.

In comparison, when he lived here, the CSA in this country told me he said he didn't live at the address they had for him, so they couldn't help me

I'm lucky really that he does live in Oz, they traced him for me, I still have no idea here he lives, and all I had was his Dad's address and details of where we lived together, which was an entirely different state.

I'm still gutted he turned into such an arse, I hate having DD know that but I guess money, even if taken from him is better than nothing, and at least I never have to see him again.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/03/2010 15:08

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muggglewump · 14/03/2010 15:43

Yes, his business is currently working at a loss. I know him, and know this does not add up and there will be dodgy stuff going on somewhere.
It just depends how far they will go to find it and what powers they have.
I think you are right in that they can seize possessions.

So long as I get a decent amount of money I'm not really bothered what he earns tbh. I've never been after a fortune and accepted the £120 a month he was originally ordered to pay, it was only when he refused to pay it, then had it reduced to £15 a month and still wouldn't pay, that I went for a change of assessment and gave them details of the company he worked for when we were together so they could find out that he was earning more than double 10 years ago, than what he supposedly is now.

I won't let this drop until I get a decent amount of maintenance.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/03/2010 17:07

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muggglewump · 14/03/2010 17:13

As soon as I get this sorted I'm going to look at back pay for the last 8 years and how I'll get DD duel citizenship without his help.

The way I see it is that this is his doing.
He could have sorted this out with me years ago, he knows where I live.
When I was really broke I'd have accepted pennies, and never thought to look into going through the Aus CSA.

Similarly, his refusal to pay even a small amount is what made me go for the change of assessment.

Thanks, I should know within a few weeks what the new amount is, and then will have to wait for them to collect it, but it's a step forward.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/03/2010 17:15

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muggglewump · 14/03/2010 17:22

Me too, and I deserve a lot

The other thing that made him look a tad stupid was refusing to help with DD's duel citizenship, even though financially it wouldn't have cost him anything, I was/am prepared to pay for it.

How again did I fall in love with a dimwit?

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