When your ex sends the children back with a mobile phone...

[UpToMyTitsOf]

... is it ok to send it back?

I sent a letter to ex partner kindly asking him that, if he wanted to ring DSs to ring between x and y hours. That was to ensure he didn't ring way after they had gone to bed, or while they were in the middle of an afterschool activity, eating, etc.

He ignored the letter but sent the children back with a mobile phone so they could ring him whenever he wanted. So far, so good, no problems with that.

Problem now is, that now that the novelty has worn off, the children rarely ring him, exh has aparently ringed them but we didn't realise as the DSs do not carry the phone with them at all times, the phone is on a shelf in their bedroom to avoid it getting misplaced, lost or broken.

So what's the problem? that the children have been missing his calls because we were out, or they were at home but running around the house, or because they turned it off and forgot about it. I have no idea when he is going to ring, and I don't even carry my own phone with me all the time, so I resent being blamed for the lack of contact, I have slight hearing problems, I can't even hear a phone next to me if there is a lot of background noise!

So... now the ex is sending messages asking for the phone to be turned on, I have messages coming through the post box and friends ringing me on his request to ask me to turn it on (he refuses to talk to me since months ago), and one of the DSs was recently questioned heavily by the ex, on why the phone was off. ExP keeps telling the children I'm blocking contact, and I'm really fed up that no matter how hard I try to facilitate contact I'm always blamed even if the children have only been forgetful, which is understandable for a 4 and a 6 yr old.

I'm tired of getting the blame, which doesn't help considering how difficult the divorce process is at the moment and all other related problems that I have at the moment. Can I send the darn phone back? I never agreed to it.

Look, love this man is NOT superman. He is NOT ABOVE THE LAW. If he continues to harass you he can be LOCKED UP. Call Women's Aid, get a solicitor, you need injunctions out against this knob and supervised contact only. You say he 'doesn't care' about solicitors letters - he doesn;t get an option of 'not caring' when he disobeys non-molestation orders and gets arrested. WHich WILL happen. You are a human being, not his property, and you have the right to live peacefully with your DC free of this man's abuse.

Without getting into much detail SGB, the police has been contacted in the past for harrasment, I have been referred to an organisation which deals with cases of domestic violence, and have been receiving counseling, and advice and support on how to help the children cope with their father's unreasonable behavior.

All that rubbish of the phone, is also a consequence of my asking for advice to the police. Since then, he has been telling the children I'm not allowing him to contact them even when I have spent almost £700 in solicitor letters telling him that the children are allowed to call him whenever they want (albeit he NEVER picks up the phone if they do, but that was since months before the police was contacted), and that he is also welcome to call them within the specified times, but he NEVER does.

There are court orders and he continues to ignore them, he has already a police record and he doesn't care. He is a highly intelligent man, with a lot of money, who is seriously convinced he can do as he please, and it seems that now, he is getting his kicks from hurting the children because that's the only way he could get to me.

Really, can you get an order from police because their passive aggressive, never-uses-the-fists dad is using a issues around a phone to intimidate all the family?

However, I guess he is around reading this thread (he knows how fond I am of Mumsnet), so I hope that by reading it he could realise what a prick he has been to his children.

He doesn't care what a prick he is to the children. Have a look through [[www.outofthefogsite.com this] and see if you recognise your ex.

You've got to get this on a legal basis. I have a looooooong agreement with about 90 sections full of details about phone contact, etc., hammered out through mediation with my ex, signed off by the divorce judge, and enforceable by the bailiffs. Either one of us steps out of line and we can haul each other to the court to explain ourselves.

You might be able to prove harassment.

That's this.

Honestly, consult a solicitor, and in the mean time, ignore the man. Switch the phone off and leave it off. Make a note of any harassment from him or other people, and bear in mind that being ignored drives bullies mad so they do tend to snap and do soemthing foolish which can be, in a situation like your,s useful. If for instance he turns up and bangs on your door, you can call the police to remove hi - he doesn't live in your house and has no right of entry, and the more public demonstrations of bullying he makes, the better a case you have for an injunction with power of arrest to keep him away from you.