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really need help, starting to lose my temper

4 replies

snugglecat · 08/03/2010 18:10

i hope someone can give me some advice. This is the first ime ive been on here so please be gentle with me!

U prob need a bit of background to understand;

Im 22 and i have a little boy who will be three in may. Im not the usually 22year old i hardly drink and ive never really gone out ect im quite mature for my age and most of my friends are atleast 30! Since my son was born ive looked after him 100% . For the first year we live with his father whos job was 4 months abroad 2 months off. He drank alot and became abusive so just after my sons 1st birthday i left him and moved 500miles to be closer to my parents whom are now 20 mins away. I started a college course and my son went to a childminder . . . I coped for just over a year

Since sept ive been at home with him full time. I hvae had a boyfirend since my son was 1 and a half and hes fantastic although he finds my son hard work as hes not very paternal . . . More uncle type . . . Kick a football then give em back. With that in ligh actually hes fantastic the way hes helped me. He trys to visit most days but he works shifts.

The point is i have one friend i see my boyfirend his family when we visit and my family when we visit. Increasiingly ive become unample to cope with my son. Unless hes my boyfriend is here hes horrid. He wont use a potty he moans all day for a bottle of milk he wont take no for an answer he moan if i do house work persistantly. Everything has to be his way . I fell contantly stresst out and tired

recently ive been losing the plot . In genrall im not agaisnt smacking i just choose not to use that method with my son. Recently ive been losing it . Shouting at him . Ive even smacked him. Ive realised this has got to stop. Im losing control and im phisycally stoping myself form really hurting him. I keep seeing red and i warm him please leave me alone im getting angry and he just keeps on. I try to walk away but he follows me. Which just results in me shouting.

I have no support network. And my parents shouts alot at my teenage sibblings and smoke in the house. I tell them not to when hes there but i suspect when im gone they do Dont get me wrong they are very good to him but we have different views on whats acceptable so i try to avoid asking them

really my question is who can i turn to for help i almost feel like i need a break but being on income support and paying debts for buying us clothes and furniture as we left with a suitcase when we left his dad i just cant afford playschool 9pounds per session and they dont even have spaces. Ive tried to find a job but no one will hire me!

I need help to cope i just dont know where to ask

OP posts:
waitingforbedtime · 08/03/2010 18:14

Quick reply but you could contact homestart if theyre in your area?

You can contact your HV too.

GP - you think you might have depression?

Also, forget about the potty, he's only little still.

MiniMousse · 10/03/2010 21:37

I really feel for you - it is hard to be the responsible one all the time and sometimes you can end up feeling resentful and taking it out on the kids even though you know they are innocent.

I think you need to find ways to get a break and have contact with other adults - have you got a local Sure Start centre you could go to - they are fab and they have a full programme of events for parents and children under the age of 5 - most are totally free of charge.

Also as waiting for bedtime suggests, try Homestart they offer volunteers who can come to you every week and either help you with putting better strategies in place for parenting or they can just take your child to the park for a bit so you can have a break. They are all trained and vetted and CRB checked.

I do hope you manage to find some help - if all else fails the simplest thing I find is literally go into another room and count slowly to ten - just gives you a safety valve for a minute or so.

HanBanan · 11/03/2010 10:53

You sound depressed and that is at the core of what you are experiencing. I would visit the GP and get help with that.

But you sound like you feel a bit overwhelmed by your situation (we all do, you are not alone there!) so you might want to find out what help you can get from agencies / charities re. childcare, time off, groups for young mums etc.

What about structuring your day. Like get a book/diary and write down what you are going to do that day. I find that helps to centre me and I feel like I am achieving things that way.

Can you get nursery care for your 3 year old? Not living in the UK at the mo so don't know what benefits you would be entitled to. Go to Citizens advice and find out. Actually they would be a good start for lots of advice. I found them very helpful. Look them up on the internet and find out where n when they are in your area.

Hope this helps. Many of us feel this way from time to time. It's stressful being a mum, not least a lone parent even if you have a boyfriend. And remember your son thinks your the bees knees because you're his mummy and although he might have fun with everyone else, 3 year olds are sort of half baby half boy so he will want to follow you about everywhere and chat constantly. It shows how much he loves you and what a great job you are doing being his mummy.

BEAUTlFUL · 12/03/2010 12:13

At least when he's 3 you'll get 15 free nursery hours per week, so you've only got to hang in there for 2 more months! Get his name down now for a nursery place.

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