Divorce and property

[upsydaisy1974]

I am almost at the end of a lengthy divorce, and after almost 2 years we are nearly there.

I need some advice about the property though. The ex marital house is being transferred to me in its entirety including the equity. Sounds great but he's only paying me a pittance and I can only just about make ends meet each month!! But I must keep the house as security for my little ones.

I have been seeing a wonderful man for almost a year and we are making plans for the future. In time I intend to sell my house, buy a flat with the equity and move into his house. The flat will be security for the boys and if I ever need a home for us in future we will have one. My partner will have no claim or interest in that property. Also the rental income will help make up the pittance that the boys donor gives me each month.

Does anyone know what a reasonable length of time would be for me to move in with him, without ex husband being able to take me to Court to get his share of the equity back.

My ex has become the most unreasonable, deceiptful man who will stop at nothing to see me fail, part of the reason he has signed the house over to me is that he knows long term I can't manage the mortgage on my own. Like many of us, while we struggle each day he is spending thousands on his lavish lifestyle and he doesn't want to be responsible for paying his half of the mortgage. It's a case of sink or swim and I am determined to succeed.

I am currently allowing him to telephone my house every day to speak to the children. I have had enough of his persistent calls and to be honest the boys aren't bothered if they don't speak to him every day. They are 6 and 2 by the way. Can anyone tell me how often you let your ex speak to their children on the phone. I need to decide how to tackle this.

"Can anyone tell me how often you let your ex speak to their children on the phone."

I'm kind of disturbed by this. Unless he's saying something harmful to the dcs, why on earth would you restrict his phone calls?

I would like to limit them, because the nature of his calls are intrusive. When he calls the children are constantly questioned about who is in the house, what is mummy doing and he bombards the kids with questions. It is not so much a conversation but an interrogation.

If he calls the house and we are not at home, say they are on a play date or we are all out together, I then get a text demanding to know where we are. If I don't answer he thing rings my family asking if the boys are there.

I have no problem with the boys having a relationship with their dad. In fact I actively encourage it. He seems them regularly and I still make sure the boys see my ex in laws every couple of weeks.

I am not in agreement though to constant daily calls to the house.

Okay, I see your point. I agree that it's pretty intrusive.

Not sure how many times a week to suggest (three times?) but I would suggest that you use the opportunity to lay down some ground rules about the calls (no interrogating the dcs about who is in the house) and tell him that if he breaches those rules, the number of calls will be revised downwards.

Woah I can see why the divorce. He is still trying to control you.
All I can advise is to disengage further from him.
While it is good about the access and the dcs keeping contact, it should be appropriate.
Could you talk to your solicitor about the content of the phone calls, this is emotional abuse of the dcs too.
Also I don't think there is a time limit on when you are able to sell your own home unless stated in the divorce settlement. He has no recourse except of course to badmouth you and maybe lie. But my advice is to ignore.

One word,ignore, mighty hard to do, mighty powerful to achieve and mighty effective if he sees what he says/does has no affect on you.

i guess you would need to check the settlement ie if the house is for YOU or is it for the CHILDREN? inw hcih case he might ahve some rights to it (or the money) once they turn 18? just check with solicitor.

re phone calls i know exactly what you mean - with exP using a phone call with dd on fri to a) interrogate and b) then start shouting down it at me with her holding it! ugh.

ig uess you could set specific times to call and also make it clear to the dcs they can call him when they want.

If your ex has a fair amount of contact with the children there's no need for other calls. Do you have a set routine in place for contact? This is better for all, including the children.

I don't know how much equity's in the house but many ex partners would fight you tooth and nail for their share (mine included).