any single parents in Germany?

[Megancleo]

So happy I found mumsnet. any single parents out there that are also living in Germany?

Hi Megancleo, I am single mum of 4, in Bavaria. Whereabouts are you?

Hello nighbynight, I live in Heidelberg with 3 children. I've been here for 22 years and now that I've been seperated for 6 monthes I'm going through the ifs and buts of whether to stay n Germany (not necessarily Hdg) after divorce or head off for beautiful Cornwall. Four children(wow!) are you happy to stay in Germany?

yes, except for the schools.
how are yours doing in the school?
The UK is very different from germany, and has changed a lot in 22 years I would say. We have only been here for 5,5 years, and I often think over going back to the UK, but so far the balance is towards staying here.

I know 22 years is a long time, half my life so sometimes I'm not even sure if I'M English enough to live there anymore.we'll see. My DD1 is in Gymnasium, works hard to get o.k'ish marks but doesn't enjoy it like she did Grundschule(I think Gym is stressful) She spends lots of hols in England and says at the worst she'll go there to study..My son is in 3yr Grundschule, lazy but bright lives for Bayern playing football and chess tournaments The thought of him "having to work hard" at Gymn is complicated. Then DD2 comes to school in September, shes struggled to live in a bi-lingual family, is presently having speech therapy and completly blocking out English(to her mums total distress) and last week at the school enrollment I heard that she'd been given a "Forderschule" recommendation by Kdgn/Gesundheitamt. Luckily, headmistress of Grundschule decided that if other two were rel.bright then #3 should be given a chance too! Its all bloody rubbish and that the date for school enrollment has been brough forward this year is even more stressful for bi-lingual children.(none of my children could speak Gmn gram.correct when they were just turned 6 yet this year it seeems to be a big problem)Also Gymnasium parents all seem to be paying for Nachhilfunterricht to keep the good marks going. I can't afford to pay and my daughter has so little free time thesedays I understand she doesn't want to but it does make you wonder what its all about.....How did your children adjust to German schools?

at the forderschule recommendation. dd2 has this medical exam in a couple of weeks, I am dreading a similar result, as she doesn't speak very clearly. I think that would push us back to blighty.

my children adjusted terribly badly to school in DE - they had previously been in france and the uk without problems, but since coming to germany, we have had a saga of struggling, repeated years, HS recommendations, and now unmotivated children who hate school. If I had known beforehand what it was like, I would have thought twice about coming here, tbh. Problem is that I cant afford to work in the uk.

I know a couple of gym children who have burned out, but others seem to take it in their stride, and not worry too much about it. The whole thing is a total nightmare imo, and responsible for the low birthrate in germany!

yes, Germany should be very thankful for us courageous foreigners wih our large litters!!!My personal nightmare is that I fell in the classical German Hausfrau trap. I have a Masters, worked ten years ago at unis here and then, due to schooling etc, ended up working freelance as an English Trainer which was o.k when I was with DH but six monthes ago became a major financial headache. As a freelancer I certainly can't pay my expensive rent etc. I'm now in the process of applying for everything possible (promised DD she can start school here in Sept whatever happens) but as time moves on I'm beg to see it would probably be beneficial to move to new town end of 2010/2011 so starting to look further afield. If I'm still just surviving by next year then yes, difficult or not it will be time to try England...Schoolwise we had a brill day, DD1 got a 1 in German Arbeit (yeah) and little one had a vorschule day at her school to be and managed to impress them by her mathematical mind(who says everyone has to be good at languages) so perhaps she'll get her chance too. Quite a few German locals are also getting Ford.Emph (shock) so it really seems mad this year and certainly stricter-Germanys response to the Pisa study!

Oh no, now I am getting really worried about the FS empfehlung! Crap sort of response to the Pisa report, but it would be just typical!!

We are here, because there is no way I could balance the books in the UK. Everything's far more expensive, and my wages would be less (I am an engineer). I would only go back to the UK as a last resort.

Could you move out to the country to find somewhere cheaper? IME, some towns are cheaper than others, but even the cheap ones are not grotty.
Could you work full time if you got an au pair, or put your children in a Hort?

My son is in Hort and the little one will follow suit in Sept when she starts school-I'm certainly hoping that I can find full-time employment and then yes, i would also move out of Heidelberg town (apparently its one of the most expensive towns after Berlin)Oh, if only I hadn't given up perm employment at the uni to be a mummy, I really seem to be stuck in the freelance corner at the mo, a little translation here, manuscript there but no chance of perm. I even sent an app to a school in Munchen(we like Passau but a German chum tells me M is a totally different ballgame) but basically I am now willing to move to various areas we know and like to start afresh. Certainly I like living in Germany,good f'rds, children do have good childhood here (despite school stress) but I cannot stay here for more than one year as freelancer all-rounder. Anyway, England (esp. Cornwall) is nice, yes, we would be foreigners but hey, they are desperate for German teachers! A German frd took her son to look at FS today and has accepted it-because he's quiet, I tell you! I'm often surprised at how some Germans seem to push children and others are quite the opp. Did one of your DC go to HS?

Not sure how Munich compares to Heidelberg. Life down here can be infuriating, but there are huge compensations (mountains/Therme/lakes etc). Munich is expensive though. It's also a cosmopolitan island in Bavaria. Small towns are cheaper to live, and have v good qualitiy of life, but are more isolated from international community. Schools are notoriously hard.

I guess it boils down to the housing question in the UK. I am unlucky, that my jobs are all down the M3/M4/Cambridge area, where housing is ridiculously dear. No chance of living in Cornwall for us, a grotty housing estate in Reading, Basingstoke or Slough is about as much as I would be able to afford.
Am tempted to change jobs, but not sure I could manage being a teacher - the children would see through me in about 2 minutes.

2 of my children are currently languishing in the HS. They just cant pull out of the hat the kind of consistent good marks that they need to go up (neither could I until I was about 14, and I then went on to go to Oxford!) We are simply going to do IGCSEs outside the school, to make up for the subjects they arent allowed to take in school.

Don't you have any Gesamtschules down in Bavaria- we have one here (d at Gymn there)
which at least give one extra year before emphl. to HS/RS/G I hear its easier to change from one school to another too. We only joined in kl.6 though-we were really exotic-DD got gmn emp and we tried Engl.Inst (priv and expensive) for one year then a Walldorf School for 6 mothes (wonderful handicrafts but little for Abi) and finally Gyn in Gesamtschule where she does well but it could be btter...always something new! spent hours today researching poss. chance of academic career agn (ph.d schlship in UK, G ?-no idea if I have chance or if up to it. Just know 10 years semi-Hausfrau and six monthes diffclt sep has left me totally confused how to find feet again out of this mess! yes, Cornwall much nicer than Slough but just for hols? Guess I've ot a few more monthes of total confusion yet? have you been lone mother long?