anyone had a DS or DD who wont accept their bf?

[sez2068]

i am at my wits end! so tired

my DS who is 12 simply wont accept that i have a bf

i have been with him 2 years and he was ok with it for a long time but had suddenly decided to hate him even though he is very kind and gentle with him and we have done everything by the book to introduce him nicely and slowly

he says that he will not sleep if my bf stays over, so he never does but i am starting to wish we could just have a normal life

i know my DS would rather i was on my own but i dont want to be! his dad lives with a partner and he says this is ok but not ok for me cos i his mum

do i give up my bf? is that the right thing to do?

would you say, he is going to sleep over and make the DS get used to it?

i dont know what to do!! any advice pleeeeease x

it's your life and ds will have to learn to accept that you're not only his mum but an adult who's allowed to have a relationship
it sounds to me that you've approached it all in the right way
alot of it stems from the fact that your ds is naturally possessive of you and also being the age he is prob.sees himself as the man of the house,he's also aware of sex and prob considers his parents doing it as being a bit icky
also tho he may like your bf he daren't admit it as it's being disloyal to his dad
in my case my dc don't particulary welcome the idea of their dad having a gf but accept my relationship with my dp
strangely enough it was my dd who was hostile to dp to begin with and pulled some truly horrific stunts(not helped by exh playing with her head i hasten to add)so much so that i also considered ending my relationship
i think in the end she realised that life would be alot easier if she was just pleasant and accepted him as her brothers did
you can't put your life on hold for your ds'sake

I think what asbm says is about right, you are entitled to a life as well.

Mz dd was a bit hostile to my bf initially, but has gradually accepted him, it helped a lot when I explained that he made me happy and that a happy mummy generally means a happy dd!

I hope it works out for you.

don't give in to your son!

Not only would you be making yourself miserable if you gave up on an essentially happy relationship with the bf, but you'd be sending all the wrong signals to your son.

He's 12, hitting puberty any moment now, testosterone all over the place, emotionally and physically confused. Your son may well be looking for reassurance from you in his shifting world , and the last thing he wants is for your attention to be diverted to some man - who is not his dad.

All understandable stuff and obviously needs to be handled with care and affection - which it sounds like you are doing just right.

BUT: Some things are non-negotiable, and your right to have an adult relationship is certainly one of them. If you let your children effectively decide how you live your life, you're on a slippery slope to nowhere. Will you then have to ask your son for permission b4 you date the next man? Or even his approval??!

My 15 yo DS is not keen on my bf of 4 years, despite the softly softly approach. We will never be the 'happy, normal family' he craves but with time, patience and lots of tolerance, we CAN all live together harmoniously. Well, most of the time anyway.

thank you so much for those really kind and seriously helpful comments

i was dreading logging on to read - leave your dp!! cos that is what i have read on some forums.

i know you are all right - especially re his age and puberty and thinking sex a bit 'icky' - he has kind of expressed that and i think that is what he is worried about with my dp staying over. think he was ok until it occurred to him the relationship would be sexual

helps to read from those who have been through it. my ds is totally fine with it but my dd, gosh his upsets are all we ever talk about! helps also that all responses were essentially in agreement.

but god - it makes me mad sometimes that my bloody ex - who caused the split due to his alcoholism, sex texting and porn adddictions, and constant posting on singles sites, is now living happily with his much younger gf! and loads of money

and that that is fine with my ds!

my ds told me i am too old for a bf! ( i am 41 same as his dad and his dads gf is 28 - atleast mine is same age!

anyway late night rant over!

thanks again for replies x