Advice re: child/spousal maintenance and access

[pollyh]

I've just separated from my husband and am waiting to speak to a solicitor regarding maintenance and access.

In the meantime my head is in a whirl.

I have a three year old a 20 month old and a three week old. My husband has left as he no longer wants to be with me.

What will I be entitled too financially for the children? What am I entitled too as I am raising his children and unable to work?He earns £50k so he can afford it!!

Also regarding visiting rights, I am happy for him to see more of the children at the moment whilst we adjust them to the new situation, and also to encourage a relationship between him and the new baby, but am worried that I will be held to this amount of contact in the future when it may not be as appropriate eg. new partners, children not needing as much etc.

We are planning to do this between us but have it drawn up by a solicitor, thus avoiding courts.

Also is there anything else I should take into consideration?

Any advice / support would be very greatly appreciated.

PollyH ? hope you have some support as that is very hard with 3 very young children.

I am new to MN, but you dont have to be Einstein to see that the usual case on the LoneParents threads is that the FathersforJustice brigade bombard the thread initially. True to form they have done here so you will need to try and sort the wheat from the chaff!

Just take things very slowly - you have absolutely no need to rush into anything and with such young children, you need to focus on them. This is a very tough situation for you, and if you are doing things amicably, then stick with that. DO NOT go to the CSA unless you absolutely have to. CSA is changing to CM and you will have to pay for it so try and agree a monthly amount that suits, but any solicitor will tell you it should NOT BE LESS than 25% of his salary and until at least the children leave school. Anything you agree above that's good.

Contact and maintenance are completely separate. With regard to contact, little and often is recommended for such young children. If you are happy with him in the house, then yes bathing, bedtime routines etc will be a help for you as well. About an hour or two a day, would really benefit the children, and may give you a breather.

The best place for you to start would be to sit down with your ex and see what his position is. Ask lots of questions - what is he prepared to pay per child? (Babies under one get more). What about the house - is he prepared to pay the mortgage/rent until they leave school? Tell him you WANT to do it amicably, and that obviously you cannot afford a solicitor. (He will no doubt be keen not to involve a solicitor). TBH I wouldn't worry at this stage about spousal maintenance. You will get benefits, and if he covers the house and the children then with benefits and/or PT work you WILL be able to manage.

You will keep your solicitor's fees to a minimum if you can agree the maintenance and the house between yourselves. It is in both of your interests to do that. You can also use mediation if things are getting strained.

You are a long way off going to court, CSA, etc so please don't worry about that and if things are amicable, then you may never need them. Good luck Polly - I hope you are doing OK - keep posting.

I followed your lead Sparkly!

Anyway Polly, hope things

Aargh

.....turned out OK.

Do the Fathers4Justice brigade (whoever they are) bombard every thread on Lone Parents?

If you speak from a father's perspective are your opinions invalid?

Does he have to pay for the home whilst the kids are still at home

OP - yes it is perfectly reasonable to expect your EX to Front up £500-750 pcm for the next 15 yrs his DCS are mainly with you.

Suggestions that you go and get a job with a 3 week old - are quite frankly stupid.

Yes oyu will eventually but nor right now.

I admire your attitude and pragmatism, with a 3 week old, hormones flying and your DP woaling out , am sure this is not how you envisaged your third child coming into the world.

Nicedad - your attitude stinks