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Lone parents

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Original poster

I'm a tad cross

18 replies

Scorps · 26/02/2010 18:41

Im about two months into being an LP to four dc - 7,5,1 and 8 weeks.

I'm cross that the baby is MY responsibility. I guess it's because I'm BF. I'm cross I stay in all the time. I'm cross he misses things - dd1 running about after her bath, ds2 star award, dd2 waking in the night or smiling.

Yes he sees them and gives me enough money, yrs we are friendly, but god what a pile of shite. I get a bit lonely sometimes. The dc are here all the time or so it feels, they don't stay overnight as Ex is living in a room.I can leave the baby for a few hours max.

I'm destined to die alone and be eaten by my many cats I will have bought to compensate.

Oh and I miss sex. It's goingto grow over I'm sure.

I know this sounds abit Tongue in cheek but I'm finding it hard. And now babys nappy has pop leaked on my lap.

OP posts:
elastamum · 26/02/2010 21:50

Hi Scorps weleome to LP land! I know how you feel. Every time my ex says he is too 'busy' to go to parents evening, or our kids birthday parties I used to seeth. Mine are a bit older but like you I hardly ever get a break (one night a fortnight maybe). Thats just the way it is, so now I try to go with the flow, not get worked up and just accept he is one of the things in my life I just cant change. We are busy building ourselves a new life that doesnt really involve him except on the periphery. Have just spent a fun evening at a climbing centre with my boys, then out for fish and chips. Lovely

nickschick · 26/02/2010 21:55

Scorps you are a dafty!! you are far to gorgeous to die alone surrounded by cats- you will meet your Mr Right and you will one day wake up and things wont look so bad - at the min it just feel shit,but another day things wont be so bad.

maybe its just baby blues?

helenlovelyperson · 26/02/2010 22:59

Scorps, right there with you. LP now since early Nov and I know just what you mean. Can I vent folks?

Came back from work today, which is XH day with DDs. He left. Kitchen a tip, 2 dirty nappies left in DD2 bedroom (my dear the smell ) laundry still in machine on great drying day...... point being, it was like that when he lived here and loved me, shouldn't be surprised his ability to do anything with the house whilst looking after the girls hasn't improved and frankly I pity his new flatmate

but I do agree with elastamum, it is the way it is. I had a lovely evening with the girls, DD2 (aged 2, awwww ) 'helped' my do the kitchen (we both got very wet) then we had lovely bedtime cuddle. DD2 and I had gorgeous story time and bedtime cuddles. And I am ok. I miss loving companionship and yes I miss sex (there are ways to make sure it doesn't grow over BTW but maybe this isn't the thread for that conversation ) but I am ok and time will bring all sorts of great stuff, am convinced of it

hope that helps

Original poster
Scorps · 27/02/2010 11:56

Thankyou

he does see them alot (3 evenings and all day Saturday, half of Sunday) but sees the baby for about 2 hours and I go out. I think she is starting to bottle refuse.

My 1 year old dd is so mega cute, I have to chase her around after a bath

oh anything goes on this thread lol - I have ahem an adult toy but I don't want that. I don't want sex with him though but how the feck am I gonna get a 'friend' - I'm sure the chat up line inhavent an 8 week old dd will reel them in pmsl

I accidently text him and was very nasty. He kept saying sorry. What did I want him to do, he's ashamed, etc.

Then am hour ago he asks if I want to spend the day with him . errr, no, u cheating lying abandoning twat.

OP posts:
simpson · 27/02/2010 13:24

Oooh is this a thread where we can --slag- off moan about our useless ex OHs???

H has been gone since last May although it was my instigation for him leaving as I had had enough of his bullshit/moods

He has seen the Dcs (4 & 2) 3 times since then and only rings once a wk (admitedly he has moved back to Ireland)

But what is making me really cross atm is the rest of his family who have not rung once to ask how the Dcs are and I think they (DCs obv.) deserve better iyswim.

Is it too early for wine time yet??

Scorps - well done for telling your ex where to stick his day together

Original poster
Scorps · 27/02/2010 15:08

Well my ex MIL doesn't ring me at all and ignores when I ring. I expect she's embarrassed.

Weirdly it upset me being asked out - does he think we are gonna have lunch out, chat, be a family?! Odd. I don't hate him, just don't want him in my life. Dcs yes, mine no.

I bought a new bag today and 2 charity shop books

I'm Reading a book ATM called the seven secrets of happiness - I'm goin to write them down at some point.

The bus driver just now asked after my ex - didn't know we split. Awkward!

OP posts:
helenlovelyperson · 27/02/2010 15:35

Scorps, do know what you mean about not wanting him in your life but in that of your DCs, am exactly the same. I love how much my DDs enjoy spedning the day with him but I screw myself up to bear it when he comes here to do so because I just don't want him around....

lotta that going on right now
retail therapy is the way forward, am not usually any good at it but just bought 2 lovely cardies (stay with me on this, they are nice really) and am wearing one now and feeling a bit less frumpy.........

Original poster
Scorps · 27/02/2010 16:19

I love cardis! I have about 20, lol.

The odd thing is, despite the cheating, lies, selfishness and how he left me - I don't hate him, I still care even though I'm cross at him.

He is a fantastic father, truely. I sincerely wished he could have been as good a husband but he couldn't be. I'm very sure he never wanted to be that way, but he is.

I'm scared of when he sees someone else. I'm so not ready to get divorced. I will hate that day, as it's offically saying no more, no more him in my life. He was everything to me and I absolutely utterly adored him. He was beautiful to me, but not anymore.

We will be good parents, of that I'm sure. I'm sad it turned out like this but I always knew he would leave, just hoped he wouldn't iyswim.

I'm stuck in a baby rut for a while, but hopefully I'll get my own life and a boyfriend one day.

OP posts:
mrsmharket · 27/02/2010 16:35

it will not grow over

i understand how you feel though, have been lp since sept 07 at my behest - i couldn't trust him with anything or anyone

i am the same with not wanting him in my life at all but in dd's as she seems to like him for some reason. have been on couple of dates but nothing special. we will get there one day lol

mrsmharket · 27/02/2010 16:36

ps have gone past stage of being cross all the time, am only cross occasionally i just feel sorry for them both now

elastamum · 27/02/2010 18:44

Was cross this morning though. Ex said he would come to watch DS2 's hockey match at school prior to pick up. I went up as I wasnt sure if would show. He arrived just after the match ended, GF in tow! Looked horrified to see me there, GF hid in the car, whilst I went and had post match cup of tea. All in all not the morning they had planned! My mum friends thought it hysterical

Original poster
Scorps · 27/02/2010 18:47

He should have said GF would be there!! Bloody men. I know my ex won't just introduce them to anyone.

OP posts:
elastamum · 27/02/2010 19:00

That is just like him. Last year he invited her to DS2's party at my house without even asking me! So I invited some girlfriends along and told him they would be there. Not surprisingly she didnt show up!! I was more cross today that he didnt actually get to the match and let his son down yet again

Original poster
Scorps · 27/02/2010 21:00

He has just today removed married from his fb, it's blank now. Why only today, what's changed, why is it blank? God I hate this

OP posts:
simpson · 27/02/2010 21:23

what a toss pot!!

Do you think he has done it to get a reaction from you because you have stood firm??

Stay strong!!!

elastamum · 27/02/2010 22:39

Poor you, I hate it when they do that. My ex ditched his wedding ring immediately he left us. at the time I was really shocked. Its amazing how lightly soem men shrug off their families. he is being an arse. Ignore!

Original poster
Scorps · 28/02/2010 09:50

Well it appears he noticed mine was single so he changed his too. My dad (scary man lol) rung him last night and gave him what for about asking me out for the day.

God this is hard an weird isn't it! In one way I'm used to caring etc about him and in a new way I just think sod it.

Got a quiet few hours now, yay.

OP posts:
simpson · 28/02/2010 10:27

my ex posted his wedding ring back to me

Why he thought I would want it is beyond me

Scorps - enjoy some peace

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