Do you ever feel lonely?

[ManyMonkeys]

I find myself feeling incredibly lonely at times, especially evenings when all the kids are in bed Does anyone else feel like this? how do you cope?? Do you just get used to it??

Hi. I am sometimes very lonely and at other times love my independence. I find MN is a great help as (mostly) it's chatting with adults which is welcome in the evenings.

I think you do get used to it but sometimes it hurts more than others.

Hi ManyMonkeys

I do find myself feeling very lonely at times. Like you, it is often when the kids are in bed. I find MN helps too but have limited my time on the laptop. I find if I spend too long on it, it makes me long for something I don't have. I end up looking on fbook and other peoples' statuses make me feel 100 times worse!

Do you sometimes worry that you'll never find anyone else? I do - all the time. I'm resigned to probably being on my own til the kids are older and this makes me sad tbh.

In terms of advice - don't obsess over being alone. I like making hand made cards so if I feel an attack of loneliness coming on, I'll make a few cards and it cheers me up. Nice bath with candles?

My best advice is Paul McKenna! His stress book and DVD really help me relax. If you listen to the CD every night (20 minutes long) - you really do notice a huge change in the way you feel.

Hope you feel better soon x

Wow which paul McKenna dvd? And yes, i do feel i wont ever meet anyone else, last guy i was with was very very abusive, so i cant help feel like i'll never trust another man again, EVER - if by some sheer miracle i do, it certainly wont ever be until my kids are all grown!!! I probably should try harder to appreciate my independence, but im a real people-person, and i LOVE to have lots of people around me, plus im fortunate enough to have quite a big house, but then when the kids are all asleep i feel abit, 'lost' in it

yes it can be very lonely. I too doubt I'll have any other relationship until dd older, just don't want to risk all that again.

you are not alone though. Lots of us about!

difficult when we are out and about too - meeting new people - feel like they are judging me for being on my own at times. Such bad press for lone parents, feel like a statistic and its always the mothers they come down on. Saw awful head line on express yesterday, saying its a life style CHOICE its not the choice i made - it was made for me. Makes me hopping mad! Says many mums are living on LAVISH Benifits! I wish!!! anyway enough of my moans.

yep im like you all mainly when the Ds is in bed. i usually call friends, or have friends over, but sometimes i miss going out too.
id never change Ds though and thats what i have to think of, they arent children for long and one day another man may come along, but im not going to jump to the first man just so im not alone if that makes sense!

Mn also helps and can act as a distraction, other things i do are sew, bake, study, read etc, anything that is just for me, eb=ve if its painting my toe nails.

i too hate the generalisation of single mum, and didnt chose this situation it chose me! if someone would give me a job i would snap it up, but it hasnt ahppened, so am starting my teacher training in september. someoen aught to let all those who see benifits as lavish live on them for a while...they would soon change their opinion!

I do, sometimes I feel that I'm here, staring at the computer in Mumsnet praying for a little bit of human interaction in a very lonely child free night/day.

I'm organising meeting with other single mums (or wives to men who are travelling all the time) to have dinner in a regular night a week. I think that would help (if I manage to organise it!)

Hi manymonkeys, you are not alone in feeling lonely. I feel for you and at times it is really hard feeling lonely. However, personnaly I think it gets easier with time, so hang in there and it will pass.

I don't feel lonely anymore,but I used to feel it for the first year or so. I have alot going on with my children and work I don't really have time to think about it now. From time to time I think a guy would be nice, but actually I don't have the time or energy! I know it will be while for me until I meet someone [which saves me spending out on takeaways which is a plus!]. I think it maybe a mindset or depending on how sociable you are too? I rarely go out, the last time for me was...actually can't remember [last summer I think]. I get on the phone quite a bit, listen to the radio, watch what I like on TV and just feel pleased I am not in a miserable relationship stuck indoors trapped with the other half or, waiting for other half to roll home drunk anymore!

Just try to find things you like to keep busy with and the internet is great for company!

Messymissy, don't let the likes of the Express or The Mail get to you-those Tory rags have always slated/scapegoated single mothers [sorry single dads, but you arn't treated the same].

As far as I'm concerned those papers should be banned and are responsible for so so much social disharmony it's untrue. We all know that nobody on benefits lives a lavish lifestyle, it's hard and gruelling. What makes it worse is that these ''adults'' who write for and read these papers are in actuall fact hurting people and more importantly the innocent children of these people. Isn't that sickening-poor kids, what chance do they have with people out there who believe their nonsense. Poor, poor kids; shame on those people who say those families get it easy or live lavishly.

Yes ManyMonkeys, I do.

A lot of the time I am so relieved the shouting and tension and being so deeply unhappy has gone that this kind of loneliness is mostly bearable. It was so sad and lonely being with someone that supposedly loved me and yet night after night I could be crying next to him as he slept because I was so unhappy.

I ache sometimes for little things, but on the whole I try to be positive and fil my time being creative, I have started to see friends (I lost most of my friends during my marriage), do new things when the DC's are with their Dad, and in many ways still just relish a relatively stress/tension free life.

I don't know about another relationship. I am a mess still in some ways, although getting better and I find it hard to think what I have to offer anyone..I am a broke, 40 yr old, menopausal mother of two with quite a bit of healing to do, I am supposed to be writing a list of my good points for my counsellor...

Well, I can mend toilet seats....

Yep the loneliness and isolation can also come from other people's attitudes. They just don't get how lonely and stressful our lives can be. And we don't have the partner to share that stress with/protect us etc.

I lost a lot of 'friends' when I split from the ex and was surprised how few people actually bothered to ask how I was. Out of sight, out of mind.

Walking to school people I knew would say 'hi' to my daughter but it was almost too much for them to stop and have a chat with me...people just don't want to know. They have their own problems I guess.

Also I have had family dropping comments about 'single mothers' and then saying 'oh, not you ofcourse' which I find quite isolating.

And then there is the whole ex thing when they don't bother to call to see how you and your kid are ever.

I found in the end I could go a whole week without anyone bothering to contact me outside work and seeing grandparents for babysitting once a week and got my head stuck up my ass worrying about my new found loneliness.

So then I made several attempts to 'go out' once a week to a girlie 'quiznite' and infact have been invited to a party tonight but still 6 months + on I find people just want to talk to me about the ex and what he did and what his GF said etc etc and I just want to get on with my life.

So now I am focusing on me and my little one and have a couple of people who I speak to during the week but I find that any day-to-day stresses of being a parent I have to shoulder alone.

Hey ho, that's life I guess. At least me and the dd are healthy and life can only get better, eh?! PLus our home is much calmer, happier environment now we don't have the ex's problems to deal with.

I think the responses to your post show how many people are in the same boat. In every post I find something that relates to my situation - this in itself is comforting.

itshappenedagain - for you starting teacher training. I'm a teacher and I love my job. It really has become the second focus of my life (kiddies first, of course) and the interaction I have at work is a life-saver when I feel lonely.

x