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Original poster

Moving away from ex

15 replies

Primroselady · 23/02/2010 20:59

Has anyone had any experience of moving out of area away from ex. Brief history - relationship of DV, I broke away and although I have always allowed access to our son (except for short periods), he always takes it back to court to demand more, for example court will say 7 day holiday, he takes it back to court as he decides he wants eleven days. He has broken into my house, broken contact orders, he now has harassment order against him to protect me and police have changed my locks etc. But still he takes me back to court for more access. I now have solicitors bills of approx. £20,000 he gets legal aid!!

I am thinking if I moved away it would stop the demands for after school etc. I could also sell house and get cheaper one to pay off some of solicitors bills.

Has anyone in a similar situation done this and has it made situation better or worst?

I am at end of tether now as I can see no end to the situation and worry about the situation 24/7.

OP posts:
notsohotchic · 23/02/2010 21:31

I am sorry I cannot offer advice, just bumping this for you as I also wonder whether it would be worth my while moving away from my ex. I have given up on him ever being a good influence on our children.

GypsyMoth · 23/02/2010 21:35

you have court orders in place,which you will be breaking

you will need to firstly,tell him of your plans.....up to him then if he takes it to court for a prohibited steps order. a pso is where the judge looks at the situation....you need a good argument as to why its in childs best interests to move

schools
local family
better house
better finances etc

Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:36

Thanks for that, like you his influence is zero, he doesnt work has another baby with a seventeen year old!! (He is in late forties), I am just tired and drained and cannot see where the money is going to come from. But if we move away, will they get even more mad and will he then take me back to court even more?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 23/02/2010 21:39

what are current arrangements and how old is your child?

Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:39

Thank threeblondeladies, I think I could make a case as I would move to be nearer my sister, could free up some finance, move away from not a very nice area, but I wonder what chances are of him getting a pso. He could keep same access .......if he can be bothered to drive.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 23/02/2010 21:41

how far will you be going?

WheresMyWaistGone · 23/02/2010 21:42

OMG

Sounds horrific.

I moved from London to Sheffield to my family as I left my exH when ds was 2 months old. We agreed every other weekend for exH to visit ds up here and, after a bad 1st year when exH fitted ds round other things, he now sticks to it.

When he's raised the access issue and I have spoken with my solicitor, she has always said that Court would be unlikely to issue an Order and tell us to sort it with mediation etc, so I have no experience of it and wonder why you have Orders, but I don't.

Could Court order you not to move if he objects?

Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:42

Sorry threeblondeboys got your name wrong, son is 4. He has just been allowed access again after break in, currently Sat only pick up and drop off at a contact centre. But it will go back to Friday night to Sunday pm every other week although this is gradully being built up again.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 23/02/2010 21:45

he's on legal aid....so would he be able to afford to travel to and from your new house do you think?

you will need alot of details for the judge....you have to demonstrate its going to work with contact too

is ds at school? as this can be a big barrier.....

Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:48

Have had to have orders to try and control him, if he is allowed anyway of speaking to me he will kick off and start shouting and screaming. I have had two injuctions as well, although second one was overturned and an undertaking put in place which he ignored.
He refuses to pay maintenance and wants it to go back to court so 'I lose my house eventually'. I would like to move about 2 hours away.

OP posts:
ABitBatty · 23/02/2010 21:48

I moved counties to get away from my ex, he subsequently moved to the same area, less than 5 miles away from me now. Is there a possibility of him following you?

Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:53

He starts school this September.

He can afford to travel as he works cash in hand.
At present he lives very close and it means I worry about bumping into him etc. If I move I can keep my job, my mother will move to same area. It is just such a massive decision. I have a CAFCASS review soon, I dont know whether to mention thoughts to them or whether it will simply stir up more trouble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Primroselady · 23/02/2010 21:57

Gosh that is not good news ABitBatty. I dont think he would, but you cannot tell. My son does like seeing Daddy so I would not be trying to stop all contact just trying to stop him demanding more and more and more... and but some space between us.

OP posts:
MeMySonAndI · 24/02/2010 15:09

What does your residence order say? can you keep to the level of contact specified in it if you move away? are you the resident parent? (I think it is doable AND realistic if child is only with the other parent during alternate weekends).

StarryK · 26/02/2010 13:15

I am in a similar situation, my ex left and is insisting that this house is sold. I want to relocate elsewhere (near to my family) but I don't know if he can stop me - we're not divorced as yet and have no court orders in place about contact or residency.

Any ideas if I can just up and move?

Thanks.

Sarah.

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