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Not coping too well today. Anyone got any comforting words?

10 replies

alwaysindoubt · 17/02/2010 13:02

Feeling down. Although I know it was right to end the marriage (long long story) I still feel as if I've been hit with a stick. Can't get him or my marriage out of my mind. Does it get better. And how can I speed up the process?

OP posts:
kdk · 17/02/2010 13:50

Can't say how you can speed up the process - do you mean of getting over it? Don't think there is a way really - just keep reminding yourself of all the reasons why it was right to end it and all the advantages of being out of it. Remember, all this will pass and the pain does go/get less. Sending you hugs and support and remember, you can always vent/post about your pain here ...

aSilverLining · 17/02/2010 13:55

I'm guessing it took you a long time to some to terms with the fact that you needed to end your marriage, it must have been a hard decision but you know it was the right one. It will also take some time to find your feet in your new situation and work through the feelings now it is over. Even at the end of a bad relationship there is a grieving process (I speak from personal experience). Focus on the good things in your life, be kind to yourself (look after you aswell as dcs), soon you will find you are not making an effort to do these things.

Life will be good again.

cestlavielife · 17/02/2010 14:05

if you can - get booked in to a divorce recovery workshop or some counselling.

alwaysindoubt · 17/02/2010 14:47

Thanks, guys. I've called a Divorce Recovery Workshop number and am waiting to hear back. I hope they can help me with this process.

I know I should expect it to take time but I feel so old! I don't feel as if I have much time.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 17/02/2010 17:37

It does take time and a lot of patience is necessary. 'Grieving' is absolutely what it is. You'll start by having more bad days than good days but there does come a point where you have more good days than bad days. I'm not sure you can speed it up but anything you can do to divert your attention will make the time feel like it passes a little more quickly. Try not to be by yourself too much or sitting there with nothing to do. It's when your head is 'empty' that the more upsetting thoughts will fill it.

Friends & family are a great refuge... the ones that will listen to your immediate hit-with-a-stick feelings are lovely but also make time for the other type i.e. the ones that don't really want to hear your troubles but just want to be 'normal' and do ordinary stuff. They're actually good to be with because you can't wallow in self-pity. Something you'll appreciate in time.

Good luck. Don't envy you.

HanBanan · 18/02/2010 08:36

Chil's right, it takes time to grieve and day by day it will get better. And filling up those empty moments when the bad feelings creep in is a great idea. I've got a diary where I plan what I'm doing at every point in the day and it really helps.

But it's hard and take solace in that you're not alone, you're not the only one who's going though it and there is light at the end of the tunnel

alwaysindoubt · 18/02/2010 08:53

Thank you. I have started keeping a journal. And I have booked onto a divorce recovery workshop. Also, I have started fllling in the necessary forms. I have this rule - every day I do one thing that leads towards the separation. It sort of helps but I am so riddled with thoughts of "what if" and "is it all my fault?" Anyway, another day and on we go...

OP posts:
HanBanan · 18/02/2010 09:02

I know exactly what you mean, you keep wondering if you could have done anything to change it. Regrets, guilt, anger, frustration. It's grief and completely normal...I thought I was going mad until I came on mumsnet to see others going through the same emotions.

But I'm sure you'll get on with help from friends/family/professional help. You should have support and don't feel bad for needing it. We aren't superhuman.

6 months from my break-up I'm already finding my life is going in a new and (although I'm nervous and sometimes don't want it to) somewhat exciting and free direction.

FrameyMcFrame · 18/02/2010 10:24


get out and about every day.

see friends, make new ones.

Try to go out at least once a week without your children.

Before you know it, you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

pinksmarties · 18/02/2010 13:20

I'm booked on to divorce recovery workshop too in north london in April. x

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