Advice

[wirral]

Daughter finally went to stay at ExHs house last night. She has been refusing to go. I have just picked her up to find out that she slept top and tail in a single bed with a 13 year old boy last night. She is 10. The boy is the son of her Uncle's girlfriend. She's met him once before.

As I am gently simmering at the moment. Someone tell me I'm overreacting.

You are SO not overreacting.
I would seriously kill someone over that!!!

I am so concerned that he thought this was acceptable. Not too sure how to tackle this no. Really don't want a row. Daughter is refusing to go to his house ever again. but I think that has more to do with Ex's girlfriend than anything else. Am now wondering about suitability of girlfriend if he thinks sleeping with 13 yr old boy is acceptable.

It seriously doesn't matter what it's EXACTLY about- gf or something else- what he did was wrong period. yes, it deserves a row, and even a loud one. this is totally unacceptable, no matter how you look at it.

YOu are SOOOO not being unreasonable.

I wouldn't force your DD to go, TBH. Don't fight about it. Make him fight if he wants to continue a relationship with her.

What happened to your DD is not healthy.

And I speak as a mum and a step mum.

And, TBH, the fact tha tthe bed incident isn't the main reason your DD doesn't want to go would be ringing alarm bells for me.

Agree with harimosmummy

Thanks ladies .It is hard to be rational at times.It is what to do now. If I talk to him, he will just say that he was right and I am wrong. He is ALWAYS right. I am ALWAYS wrong

I would be jumping up and down with

I agree with haribosmummy.

wirral

Obviously, this is my personal opinion and is offered as advice from a total stranger fellow MNer!

I would speak to your DD. Ask her what she wants to do (sounds like she is pretty vocal about not wanting to go to her dads)

How would she like things to go? Does she want to see her dad on his own? away from his house? No over night stays?

She is 10, she has an opinion. Agree with her what you should do and support her.

If her dad doesn't like it, let him work out a solution. This is not your problem to solve.

No court / judge in the land would accept that a 10girl and a 13boy should share a single bed.

I really don't want her to stop seeing her Dad but am absolutely horrified that he thinks sleeping in same bed with 13 yr old boy is acceptable. I have really been supporting him about girlfriend and trying to encourage daughter to go to his. These are two seperate issues now, She won't go due to girlfriend, I am unhappy about letting her go as don't trust Ex's judgement

I texted him. His reply:

I think your taking this way out of handI wouldn't have let her just slp with boy if another child wasn't in same room.I didn't think other child would get up halfway through night but she did. Nothing happened and she wasn't upset by it. Why must you always think the worst of people?

Great ! What now>

Tell him that she may not say anything to him because of the situation, but that she was very upset when she told you about it. tell him you're not making a big deal out of it, and it doesn't matter even if there was an ADULT sleeping in the room- that is just plain WRONG.

what a wanker

Don't get involved in the petty details.

POint out to him that your DD is 10YO (seems like he needs reminding!)

This is / can be an intensely difficult age for girls, when they may need their privacy (and their privacy requirements may change quickly - if they start to develop or start periods etc).

it is also an age where she is going to have to learn boundaries and learn what is and isn't acceptable.

Even if this boy could be trusted with the crown jewels, this is not acceptable. How on earth will your DD be able to make judgement calls as she grows up if she is sent messages where this sort of behaviour is acceptable?

This is NOT healthy for your DD.

So what if nothing happened? What she is learning is that it's OK to sleep in the same bed as boys. Does she have to wait until she is taken advantage of before she dares complain?

text him this:

I am not prepared to argue about this. I am not prepared to have our DD sharing a bed with others.

End of.

If needs be, buy her a blow up bed / sleeping bag to take with her if you really want to send her again.

I like that text, harimosmummy. If he keeps on arguing that 'nothing happened and she wasn't upset by it' and suggesting the problem lies in your over-suspicious mind, tell him to get ready to make his argument to a judge.