confused about what to do for best

[roobee]

my ex and i split up 6 weeks ago. We have one ds (2) together. things had been wrong for ages but he had affair and is now in process of setting up new life with OW.

as a result of how i felt on finding out, i packed up and took ds hundreds of miles away to my parents. with a view to staying here full time.

now 6 weeks down the line i am really confused as to whether i have done the right thing. I know deep down that if i moved back my ex wouldnt give me the level of support i would need with ds. i dont have a massive support network in old town. back with my parents i have their support and a few old friends.

i really really miss the familiarity of my old life. not so much missing my ex but miss my job, ds went to a lovely nursery etc. its a completely different way of life where i am now and i guess i just feel really sad that the decision was effectively forced upon us.

do i just need to suck it up and accept that its for the best for ds and i to stay here and have long term support?

any experience guys?

what a terrible time you've had
what does your ex want? Does he want access ? And are your parents happy with the current arrangement?

my ex would prefer to see more of ds but we havent discussed fully what level of committment he would be prepared to give. he has 2 dds from first marriage and this OW has 2 dc so its not as if our ds would be his sole concern. I think at the moment all thats in his head is the ow.

he accepts that i need far greater support than he could give. and he isnt willing to give to be fair. thats another thing that is making me think it would be daft to move back nearer to him. i cant force him to be the parent i want him to be to ds.

my parents are delighted to have me and ds back. i think they were worried about where things could end up if i had stayed there. i think they feel we are safe here. also, we can live with them til i get job/house sorted etc so no immediate pressure there.

my ex would have to travel to see ds and he isnt the type to make massive effort. he claims he loves ds so much and misses him etc but he is a great parent in theory, its the actual putting in practice that he is rubbish at!

i am conscious that my ds will miss out on a relationship with his dad and his half sisters but i have to put whats best for all of us first i guess.

its a very confusing and unsettling time.

plus i dont want to move back down for my parents to be sat here worrying all the time if that makes sense. i dont think that would be fair to them.

I think you need to give your new life some time. You're still upset about the break-up, moving house is very stressful in itself. I don't know if you've had to change jobs etc. So it's a lot to deal with all at once. When you make big decisions there's always an element of the 'oh no, what have I dones'.... that's normal.

Give yourself some kind of deadine such as seeing how feel about things in a year's time. If you're still not convinced you've done the right thing at least you've given it your best shot and you can move forward from there. Best case scenario is that you're completely settled and happy with your new life.

I wouldn't worry about the access to your child. Two year-old boys are very accepting of the status quo and safety, stability and a happy, loving mother are all your son needs.

thanks chil1234, that makes a lot of sense

You've probably made the right decision for now. You need to be with your family and friends at a time like this.

He sounds responsible for the break up of your family so he has to bite the bullet whilst you mend.

If you decide to stay where you are then you will need to discuss access then

Good luck and chin up because this must be a rough time for you