stressed!!!

[notsohotchic]

Looking for advice as to how to cope... at the moment I am looking after my 3 school-aged kids full -time (their dad is alcoholic, it turns out, and has gone from having 3/14 nights to none last November, awful) we have to go to the child contact centre every fortnight so they can see him, and I can't stop wishing him dead for risking the welfare of our children so many times and trying to keep his problem secret. He has taken me to court for contact because he couldn't sort himself out and convince me and g.parents that he was capable, so an amicable out of court agreement is impossible and social services are involved anyway. Have had my legal aid revoked, so on my own at the review in May. They decided to take the 'money' in our shared house, which he lives in, into account. I am trying to continue with my f.t. degree course but now I have a lot less time. I keep feeling anxious, sometimes depressed, angry.

Ok, which things should be tackled first? what is most urgent?

One thing at a time, would asking for an extension to submit course work may help you through? This seems to me like a reasonable request. I wouldn't go as far as taking some time off as that may make it impossible to return but perhaps for next year, if things are still difficult you can move to part time study.

In terms of self representation, I have found "The Which: Guide to Divorce" invaluable, it provides so much info in an accessible language that I am now only using my solicitor for the most intricate details.

thanks - yes, I really need to get some perspective, everything seems to be bombarding me at the mo!
the guide might help but is that as good for non-marrieds, will it also help me to manage sorting the contact situation? I am scared his sol will really go for it in court if I am on my own. But he's the alcoholic.

Hi there,
You could represent yourself in this matter. It depends on your personality, but my v recent ex did in relation to his kids - I wrote all the statements for him.
All you need to do is make reasonable contact offer, explaining why the specifics of your contact offer are in best intersts of the children. Keep in mind that the judge is not interested in your opinions of your ex at all. The judge will assess you both, but then work out what's best for the kids based on his/her own professional judgement. They disregard a lot of what each parent says because they can't tell what's factual and what isn't. They get irritated by it. So if you do self-rep, just focus 100% on the kids and what's best for them.

I've helped my brothers too. So if you want to run anything by me, feel free to do so.

As suggested, you can ask for mitigating circumstances to be taken into consideration and get extensions. The university system will support you, so don't worry about it. Just be clear about what time you need and why. You'll be fine.

Best wishes.