ex sending me pics of himself...

[cestlavielife]

no not porno ones - i mean on surface looks "nice" ie a photo montage made for my birthday, pics of kids (tick, fine, nice) but includes three of him with them. main one is of him and kids...

look what you missing? i dunno...

follows on from a email message sending similar pics with "see how unhappy we all look". (i have never said they not happy to see him! just i dont want to see him..last time encounter with him on doorstep to sign some papers, finance stuff - ended with him refusing to leave and sticking his foot in door so i could not close it, and stsating that it was my fault that last time he was in my house he smashed my property)

he is just weird...i moved out in april 2008 after some horrendous times and telling him in august 2007 it was over. his mental health and agression issues, court hearings, his continued "depression" meaning he missed contact sessions (now is on an "up" agressive phase).

he just doesnt get it. told one of the childcarers who took kids to see him "they should all move back here" ie to his place.

message in card was "you are a fantastic mother, the best in the world" ....yet i have streams of text messages saying "what you are doing is wrong, everyone thinks so", "you are abusive to me, so much so i have been self harming" "why are you doing this to me?" etcetc.

so, i dont respond to the "nice" any more than i respond to the "nasty".

one friend reckons the message in card was pure sarcasm intended to mean the opposite...

but the whole picture thing feels like being stalked...

what do you think? do you send your ex pics of you and kids together?

No, I don't send ex pictures of me and DS together! Wouldn't even occur to me.

It's also a classic tactice for an abuser (which your ex definitely is) to turn it all back round on them 'you are so abusive to me, you make me feel depressed' etc. My friend has an exwho does this - he's always going on about how awful his life is and threatening to kill himself but sadlynever does.

He sounds rather like a toddler having a tantrum and trying to get your attention tbh. Very wearing. Not responding sounds like the best approach for your own peace of mind!

Do you want him to stop doing this?

I mean to tuen it back round on you..just read back and that bit didn't quite make sense!

Lots of sympathy anyway. Men like this are really hateful.

its sending you a message and everyone who views them....returnt hem to him,keeping them allows him to get away with it

oh it is cleverly done - made with the dcs, let's make a nice card for mummy, oh look this picture is nice, involving them in his "plan"......

twisted.

I would imagine that he's just doing this to get at you..it's just another tactic they use, get at mum through the kids.

Very tiresome.

Can you chuck this stuff out?

It is done to upset/unsettle you.

My ex has sent me the odd pic of my DS (just ds, not him and daddy) doing something sweet / dressing up, and I do him, but not in the manner your ex is doing.

Can you have a PAYG mobile just for him? That way could just answer it if it rings while dcs with him and not bother with it apart from that. Would also mean you had memory space to keep texts he sent you.

Don't keep the photos of him and the dcs, or put them somewhere non accessible for them to keep when they are older(?) but don't feel you have to have them on display in your space (which is what he wants). Get a nice pic of you and dcs and put that up if you don't have one.

What contact do you have with him currently??

Forgot to say, also, now I have split with ex (who was emotionally abusive) he too made a big thing of sending me a xmas card and present from DS which he never bothered to do while we were together (DS 5 yrs old) - it is to get at you. Look at poor me she left me and I am so nice and such a good dad, I make such an effort ha ha -now-- she will have smoething in her space that she has to look at that came from me - honestly, I'm not evil, honest!

Can you tell this gets my goat?? My xmas 'gift' from DS was a big loud ugly black wall clock. He has bought me it with DS knowing I will hate it but will have to put it up or DS will feel hurt. In old house he controlled decor decisions and favoured red and black. I was therefore aiming for a black free (oppression free) home. I am planning a clock related accident.....

yes have the separate payg - presented it as this is the number for you to text the dcs and any arrangements - he then started using to text abusive messages some of which of course have been seen by dcs...

oldest dd wants her own phone -she says she might give the number to her dad "but only if he only texts proper msgs to me, not to you".

ASL - at least am not alone - blegh....

he was in depressive phase up to xmas..now agressive. demanding i set up webcam for dcs to speak and see him -i am not going to - they see him face to face under court order weds evenings and alternate weekends day times (loosely supervised) .

again he is using the dcs - youngest dd likes to talk to him - so he will say "tell mummy to set up the webcam!"

another (previously used - is like groundhog day) annoying tactic - "oh dd1, i will get you a puppy for your birthday" yeh right - i am not having a dog.... i said - he can get one and you can visit it at his place.

also he promised last year- sent dds photos of the bunny rabbits he was going to get them, what would youlike to call them - i thought well ok if he supplies them with all the hutches gear etc... then they never materialised...is downright cruel.

he is pushing for reax...if i have to spell it out - "any pets in my house i and dcs will decide - what you get in your house is your business" - then it becomes me being hostile...

last year he sent me a book on "wedding season" for mothers day - i did send it back - with note saying "this is not appropriate" but it starts off another chain of engagement - he sent back long messages "you are so cruel, it was no bad intent. i asked in the book shop what was a good present for mothers day, it was the shop assistant who said this was a really good mothers day present, are you going to go to the shop assisstant and tell her off?"

(yeh right a good mothers day present if you living with and are about to get married to the mother of your children...)

yes is all to get at me...

ignore is best policy i think.

when will it end? never i guess - til he gets a new object of attention (i live in hope...)

ah yes he too controlled the decor - hence leaving the joint flat was easy emotionally... every new item i buy is with satisfaction of knowing he would hate it!

snap - didn't mind walking away from 'his' house as it never felt like my home anyway - I too am loving decorating and buying things I love that I have chosen.

Ignore is definately best policy.

at him promising pets though! tosser.

I send my ex pics of the kids when we are on holiday, or of stuff they are doing at school and he does the same. Dont usually send pics of each other as we are the ones taking them!