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Original poster

Have been invited to his place for 2nd date, would you go?

26 replies

elastamum · 03/02/2010 22:46

I have met a nice man on internet. We got on really well on first date, know about his kids and work etc. He has invited me over to his to go out for a walk followed by dinner out near his. Not sure whether to go there or try to meet on neutral territory. Any thoughts from those more experienced daters out there??

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 03/02/2010 23:01

Not sure. Someone will be a long soon for advice.
I have never meet anyone off the net, but if you do decide to go i would make sure you tell a friend exactly where you are going.

thesunshinesbrightly · 03/02/2010 23:02

To give you advice

Fruitysunshine · 03/02/2010 23:03

Stay on neutral territory still. Having had experience of internet dating a few years back, the longer it stays neutral the more you will find out how interested they are..

thesunshinesbrightly · 03/02/2010 23:07

I agree with Fruitysunshine

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/02/2010 23:18

Keep it neutral. Somewhere with lots of people about.
Meeting him on the internet you don't know anything about him really do you. only what he's told you. He could be making the whole lot up! Sorry to be so cynical but its not like you got to know him at work or met through friends etc.
He is probably fine but you just never know.
All the years I was single I had a lot of first and second dates, sooo many of them were complete nutters!

Fruitysunshine · 03/02/2010 23:21

Of course not forgetting he could just be after a shag then uses you as a booty call!

Niceguy2 · 03/02/2010 23:24

Bloke's perspective here, in case it makes any difference, It's understandable if you want to keep it neutral given its only your 2nd date.

To me its a positive more than a negative as it means he's not hiding a wife at home and probably not any long term GF's (hard to hide a woman's touch in a house along with photos).

But just in case he's expecting WAY more than you are comfortable for, neutral's fine.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 04/02/2010 09:50

agree with niceguy tbh
but it's what you feel comfortable with
flibbertyjibbet the same can be said about anybody whether met online or out in a bar

Original poster
elastamum · 04/02/2010 09:55

Thanks for all your advice. I am a bit new to all this dating stuff after a 10 year marriage and not sure how it all works! He is very up front about his personal situation and I am pretty sure he is single and straight forward. Am going to have a chat tonight and see where it goes. At least there is some excitement in my life for a change

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Niceguy2 · 04/02/2010 10:06

Enjoy the excitement elasta.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2010 10:12

Right: do not go to someone's house on a first date, at least not for the date. Always, always, meet an internet date in a public place, tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be home and agree to call in when the date ends.
Normally I would say that if you decide by the end of the date that you like him enough to fancy a shag, then go for it, however if you are just back onto the dating scene after ten years away, your radar is not going to be working all that well so you might be better off taking it slowly.
If he objects to any of these precautions or tries to pressure you to come straight to his house (or for him to come to yours) tell him to piss off - he either doesn't think much about your feelings and has low empathy, or he actually is a predator.

sparkybint · 04/02/2010 10:53

Internet-dating veteran here! Definitely do not go to his place or anywhere too near in case you end up there. Suggest neutral territory again and if he kicks up a fuss, call it off. Hindsight is a great thing, but every time a man has been too insistent with me about meeting on his turf or staying in hotels or whatever, he's always turned out to be a wrong 'un.

Original poster
elastamum · 04/02/2010 11:11

Thanks for your advice. He has suggestd a very nice resturant near his way and I dont mind driving because it puts me in control and sober. Dont propose to shag him on a 2nd date however nice he is, feel a bit old for that!! I certainly wouldnt invite him to mine until I know him better. I dont really want anyone I dont know that well to see where I live, also our house is very isolated and huge, which might make him think we have loads of dosh - we dont, We just got left by my ex in a huge old house that I cant sell and cant afford to run!

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twoteens · 04/02/2010 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niceguy2 · 04/02/2010 14:30

Caution is fine. Just remember that not all men on Internet dating sites are weirdo's. It is a real shame to treat someone with suspcion just because of the way you met them when the same applies had you met in a bar.

Original poster
elastamum · 04/02/2010 15:59

Hi niceguy, I dont think he is a wierdo at all, actually he is rather nice! I am reasonably confident I can handle most things as i travel the world alone for work. But I dont want to get myself in a cringy situation with someone I dont know or make the poor guy think I am up for it before we get to know each other!

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SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2010 21:48

Elastamum, actually your arrangements sound fine - it;s a restaurant and you;re driving there and it's your second date (sorry, missed that bit of info first time round).
He probably is perfectly all right, most people are.
But the best advice I ever heard on any kind of date was this: if someone makes you feel uncomfortable when you are with them in public and fully clothed, the last thing you should do is go somewhere private with them and remove your clothes.

IvanaPavlov · 05/02/2010 21:13

I went to my ex-BF's house for dinner on the second date and we met on a famous socialising site. He was very gentlemanly and we had dinner, watched TV and then I went home. In retrospect, perhaps I wasn't cautious enough, but thankfully, he was just a lovely guy.

My mum told me about her friend who met up with someone, had a lovely meal then went back to his just to use his toilet before going home. When she came down stairs and went into the lounge, he had a massive TV with a icky porno DVD on! She left immediately as you might imagine...

I guess a man you met on the internet is no different to any other man really. Avoid cringy situations at all cost.

Good luck and enjoy

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 05/02/2010 22:05

why dont you agree to dinner... and mutually agree with him you will go to his after if you feel comfortable enough with the situation on the night?

see how the mood/weather/feelings take you?

Original poster
elastamum · 20/02/2010 21:04

Hi All,

Well I did go and had a very civilised cup of tea at his place which he showed me round then we went out for a drink, bumped into some very normal friends of his in a pub then a meal, where we also bumped into his neighbour who was also very pleasant. All in all it was a lovely night out. Only thing is, although he is really very nice, I'm not sure that I fancy him. He is quite up front about looking for romance, but not at all pushy, Im just not sure I'm the girl for him. Do I give it another date??

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ninah · 20/02/2010 21:51

Yes why not, he sounds nice, glad you had a good time

JaynieB · 20/02/2010 21:55

I'd give him another go - he might be a 'grower'

mathanxiety · 20/02/2010 22:49

I'd give him another try. A grower is often better than someone who dazzles from the getgo.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 21/02/2010 11:46

what is it about him that you don't fancy?
or is it that you don't think you fancy him enough?
is it because he seems too good to be true?
can't remember what your previous circs or dating experience are elastamum but do you think it might be to do with trust issues or being mucked about in the past?

Original poster
elastamum · 21/02/2010 18:09

No I dont think it is about trust. More that he is very open looking for a ltr and I felt that I was likely to dissapoint him as atm the very idea of anyone moving into my space leaves me cold. I dont think i fancy him enough, although he seems really nice, almost too nice I suppose. I think i might walk all over him and i dont want to.

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