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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Tips for a single mum with a newborn?

12 replies

jellybean86 · 01/02/2010 17:48

Im due to drop in 3 weeks and im starting to worry about how to cope with a newborn. What am i going to do?

I split with ex partner 7weeks ago and im going to find it extremelely hard to see him. Im planning on breastfeeding so when he is with her im going to be there too. Ive also no idea how much time he will spend with her?

Its so scary and im not sure i can do it :-( can someone give me a giant kick up the ass!

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ReneRusso · 01/02/2010 17:54

Not sure what the rules are for this situation. I guess you won't really know how its going to work until your baby is born. I'm wondering if you will get into the habit of expressing some milk so that your ExP can take the baby for an hour or two without you having to tag along? (and you can have a kip) Good luck.

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electra · 01/02/2010 17:54

Don't panic! Honestly, it will be ok It is so daunting having your first baby whether you have a partner to help you or not, to be honest.

But in practical terms I would recommend getting a bouncy chair - they are great for all those moments when you need to get the phone, go to the loo, etc. For a baby who cries a lot, the best thing to do is put baby in car seat and go for a drive! If it helps you get more sleep, have baby in bed with you - especially if you're breast feeding.

Good luck!

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electra · 01/02/2010 17:55

The vibrating chairs are great for tiny babies - all three of mine had one...

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MaggieTaSeFuar · 01/02/2010 17:58

it might be easier without a stupid partner making silly suggestions!! (jme!)

when you have one baby you can sleep when she is sleeping, so don't worry toooooo much.

have you got somebody who'd run errands for you?

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anastaisia · 01/02/2010 18:31

What made life easier for me was co-sleeping from the start intentionally - I never got to that ridiculously tired stage where I might fall asleep accidently with DD, breastfeeding on cue so baby rarely got upset and slings (and breastfeeding in the sling so I could carry on with nice things like seeing friends, going fo short walks, etc if I didn't feel like having a sit down and a drink). I think everyone should have a sling, but it made a real difference when I had to do things on my own that could have been shared with partner.

I had:
A pouch like this for around the house/nipping out of the car into a shop/etc.

A wrap like this for everywhere and anywhere.

A mai-tai like this for when DD was a bit bigger and wanted to get up and down more so the wrap was less practical.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.
Concentrate on getting breastfeeding going before worrying about expressing for your ex.
Maybe speak to a breastfeeding counsellor about how to protect your milk supply if and when you feel ready to express/let your ex give the baby a bottle.
Start cooking now and freeze individual portions of meals so you can get them out when you can't be bothered cooking.
Fill your house with small bottles of water/cartons of juice/healthy wrapped snacks - all over so there's always some in reach and you don't have to sit there afraid to get up and disturb the baby when they just fell asleep on you.
Get yourself some books and DVDs you've wanted to read or see - looking after a newborn is hardwork but there's a lot of sitting down.
Shop online.

Do you know where your ex plans to see the baby? Are you having him at your house or going to him?

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jellybean86 · 01/02/2010 18:39

thanks everyone

anatastia, its prob going to be a bit of both as he lives 20miles away and his mum and dad will want to be involved.

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nannyj · 01/02/2010 21:08

I bought a sling too and even though i didnt really need to use it that much it was handy on the odd occasion. Try to get the house in order as much as ou can so when the baby comes you can leave it for a bit and not worry too much. Make sure you have extra things like shampoo etc so you don't run out and cooking and freezing is a great idea. I also had a good supply of yummy foods that i liked and were easy to prepare. Lived on cereal and toast for a while.

It's actually nice not to be beholden to anyne else and i could just chill out on the sofa and didn't have to worry about anyone apart from my baby. Congratulations and the best advice is to sleep when baby sleeps. A few days i slept morning and afternoon when DD was asleep as i knew i'd be awake at night.

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Chil1234 · 09/02/2010 16:25

Since your concern seems to be what you do when your partner wants to have the baby I'd say it's entirely your call how much he sees the child, when & where.... if at all. He's not married to you so he has no legal parental rights over the child. You are entirely in charge and making all the decisions.

See how things go and trust your judgement. This is your baby and what you want takes priority.

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chubbasmum · 10/02/2010 20:58

dont panic as long as you have good friends, support from your family and a good midwife you should be aright, and besides its early days yet he might come back unless the relationship is irretrievable good luck hun you will be okay be strong (talking from experience )

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longagegap · 11/02/2010 21:19

Hi Jellybean86 , I also did it on my own and feed my son myself . Hopefully yous can sort something out and are on good terms i wasnt with my ex and he thought i should get pump just so he could take him ( yeah right he was never there and still not for him ) I also did it on my own with 1st child . Once your baby is born and you hold the baby for the 1st time you'll know what is right and you will know what to do It can be scary but its such a great time you'll never forget . My son cried all the time and it played with my head but best thing i found was to talk to other people even if it sounds silly , and sleep when baby does . All the best of luck to you and your sweet baby to come x

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sausagerolemodel · 11/02/2010 21:41

I agree with Chil. If he wants to be involved then great but for the first few months whnile you are so intensely involved and needed by this baby, it has to be entirely on your terms. Unless there are problems with them coming to you, then let them do the visiting as and when you feel able to accomodate them.

Trust your instincts. You'll be fine.

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MickyF · 28/02/2010 20:42

Hello,

My DS is now 4 weeks old my EXH left me 4 months ago out of the blue (to me). You will cope! Ask the HV or MW for extra visits and they are always good to have a cry on mine came every day for a feew days after he was born. My EXH has been round everyday and most of the time I wsh he was out of the way! My advise is to try not to worry DC will be OK if you put him down to wee/bathe/eat/hoover infact mine loves the hoover. I am feeling V upbeat today as first day of routine went very well and I managed to get in the bath with him all by myself. Just remeber that you wont have to include him or worry he is left out or worry about together time, you can induge yourself in your baby 100% and it doesnt matter if you dont wash your hair for a week!