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Original poster

Does this sound like he's married/or with someone to you?

23 replies

SingleMum01 · 26/01/2010 20:22

Been messaging a bloke on a dating site. My profile says I'm not interested in one-night stands. The bloke has asked me to meet. However, I've realised he only messages me from the dating site when he's at work. Nothing in the evening or weekend. Now it could be he hasn't a pc at home - he supposedly lives on his own and his children have left home. But he'd be the only one I know without a pc!

Anyway, we haven't met up yet but I have his mobile number, so I've just rang it - and no answer. I've messaged him and he's got the message but not replied yet.

Is it me or does that sound very suspicious. He has said he is single and the last relationship he had was a year ago and he's only been messaging me. How can I find out if he's married without asking directly and putting him completely off me if he isn't!

Advice/opnions please!

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Original poster
SingleMum01 · 26/01/2010 21:06

anyone?

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NomDePlume · 26/01/2010 21:07

I'd be a bit suspicious but then I'm a bit like that anyway.

I still know a fair few people without internet access at home. Admittedly, I know more people with it, but still.

TequilaMockinBird · 26/01/2010 21:08

Do you know his surname and roughly where he lives? 192.com will give you electoral roll information

overmydeadbody · 26/01/2010 21:08

Well if you want to meet him meet him.

There is no way you will get any other informatin otherwise.

Men don;t care what you write you are interested in on your profile. Ime they will try it on with anyone they like the look of, and pretty much go by photo alone.

NomDePlume · 26/01/2010 21:09

That said, I've been out of the dating game for 10 years so my advice is probably shite!

I would say that if you are already a bit about him then I would go with my gut and jog on before you invest anything emotional into it.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 26/01/2010 21:16

An update - he text me back 30 mins after I text him saying he was in the gym and then going for a swim but would ring me later if I wanted him to. Thought about asking his surname, but when/if we meet than via messages.

Being crapped on before I'm totally suspicious of everyone!

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TequilaMockinBird · 26/01/2010 22:00

Do you have his email address? Can you search for him on facebook using that?

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 27/01/2010 18:48

nope, don't have his email address either. All I know is his first name, his occupation and his town. He's text me today to see how things are, I'll text him in a bit and see if he replies.

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DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 27/01/2010 19:23

maybe he has a life and is busy in the real world on his evnings. gym, friends, grown kids etc.... thats a good thing.

he's text you to say he was at gym...and been in contact since. chill out and give the bloke a chance. some are lying twunts. some are turhtful. you wont know if you dont try... but you may possible scare him off if you start giving him 3rd degree.

AnAuntieNotAMum · 27/01/2010 19:32

I'd be suspicious of a guy who says, "I'm only messaging you" as that's not very likely on a dating site, you tend to chat to lots of people.

I'd also be suspicious of the only at work thing.

Call me suspicious but I did a lot of net dating a while ago and although met some lovely people I met a lot of liars and, as it has become more mainstream, I think there are more and more attached men trying it out.

Even if I got very friendly with someone, my rule was never to let them close or to my place until I'd seen theirs. It really was amazing the way a few of them lied.

MuthaHubbard · 27/01/2010 20:11

Sorry but you've only known him 5 mins, haven't even met him and rang him/text him once and because he's not replied straight away you are suspicious?

You sound a little full on rather early....sorry if that's harsh.

I quite often don't answer my mobile at home as busy or don't always text back straight away as I am actually having a life.....but I am very much single.

QueenofWhatever · 27/01/2010 20:22

Yes maybe he is a player, but it's a little bit suspicious to be questioning his motives this early on.

Wait until you meet the guy and then go with your instinct. Also, time will tell if he's straight up or not, players usually can't keep up the front over time.

Also contact some other men - the bigger your pool, the greater your chances of success (says she having completely failed at internet dating and given up).

Electoral roll, facebook? If a man did that to one of us, we might call it stalking.

aimeesmummy · 27/01/2010 20:34

Stay cool, calm and collected . Having just been cheated with (as in I was the other woman but didn't know about it) it'd be easy for me to say keep your distance but you have to trust people until you have good reason not to trust them. You can also only go as fast as the slowest person. You've not even met him yet, give him a chance. And pull a questionaire out of your handbag on the first date - you can ask seemingly innocent questions without sounding like you're doing the third degree. Perhaps ask where he works, what does he do. Then try Google, I love it!

ninah · 27/01/2010 20:40

pull a questionnaire out of your handbag? seriously?

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 27/01/2010 20:44

ok, reckon I'm going to go ahead and meet him - shitting myself just thinking about it! What's acceptable dress for a lunchtime pub drink do you reckon - jeans ok?

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aimeesmummy · 27/01/2010 21:18

No I was not being serious! Just tongue-in-cheek pointing out that too many questions on a date can sound pushy. ooops...I've just re-read my post, there was a word missing, shoud have said "...And DON'T pull a questionaire out of your handbag..." Sorry! God that all read so wrong without the all-important word "don't"

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 27/01/2010 21:28

SingleMum crumples up the questionnaire!!!!

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aimeesmummy · 27/01/2010 21:49

Single Mum here could probably do with a questionaire so as not to f* up next time!!

SolidGoldBrass · 28/01/2010 22:00

Rember that so far, you certainly don't owe him anything - but he doesn't owe you anything, either. You haven't even met the man yet, don't start stalking and spying on him. Meet him for a date (usual safety rules obviously) and see how it goes. Remember you might not even like him when you meet.

ninah · 28/01/2010 22:21

lol aimeesmum you had me worried there!

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 29/01/2010 11:18

An update, we met yesterday and got on well. I don't think he is married or living with anyone from things he said. We're meeting again next week for lunch. So I'm very proud that I actually went (1st date in years) and he wants to meet me again! Even if it ends up as no more than that I feel its given my confidence a boost.

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Niceguy2 · 29/01/2010 11:27

Hi Singlemum, sorry i just posted on the other thread before i saw this one.

Glad to see you went on the date. Hope things work out for the best.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 29/01/2010 11:31

Niceguy - I just posted on the other thread too in reply to you! Thanks for your advice, will take in on board.

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