Felt left out today as I realised in work I have no life

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I have no support and listening to colleagues in work today, it hit me that I have no life. They are going to parties, or away for the weekend etc

I have no support, so can't get away without the kids, or if I bring them it costs a fortune.

I just feel a bit sad as my life is about the kids. Obviously I don't regret it, but today it hit home.

I lost my "friends" when I went through a really really tough patch a few years ago. I know this is for the best, as they were not real friends, but I haven't been able to get a new life for myself as I have no support.

I know things will change, but today, I just feel a bit sad.

Does anyone else feel like this? I have great kids, so I am coping really well. I think I am realising the price I have had to pay for bringing up kids with no support.

I was abused by my family and they still haven't changed. I'm also a widow.

What about your kids' friends' parents? Sometimes they can be a source of friendship as you already have stuff in common.

Sorry you feel sad.

What tabbycat said, do you know the parents of your DCs friends? Just playground chats can lead to popping round for coffees after school and suchlike. Neighbours with similar aged children? Or other single mums around at work?
Its lovely you have such great children - that is something to be proud and thankful for - you must be doing something right!
And you are right, things will change as they get older, surely many people go through a staying-in-with-the-family phase, when we lack time/money/sleep.
Sorry you feel so low.
Chin up.

Plus don't forget some colleagues may be exaggerating these nights out/fun times, so don't feel too green with envy...it may be all show!

i do know how you feel - i go to work, deal with kids, rarely go out...

it is slowly slowly getting better ie building up thru other parents thru the kids, aranging playdates etc...

takes time.

cant even join regular evening clas as difficult to arrange that and costly babysitters... but trying to get to once a month book club as a start...

Oh god, I so identify with this. It's coming up for a year since the last time I went out in the evening.
AP is completely unreliable babysitter, so it is hard.

if you find the answer let me know :-(

As the other have said, your children's friends' parents can become very good friends. I wouldn't try to keep up with my single friends' lifestyle, I can't: Have no time, too expensive or too tired to join in. Besides, I have found that sometimes other mums are in a better position to understand what you are going through.

DS' friend is a single mum too, and we meet every forthnight to have dinner at her house or mine. It hardly costs any money and it's great to have some adult conversation while the children play.

I have another group or friends that were parents of DS' classmates, we meet with children all the time but also have the odd lunch when we all have a free morning.

Perhaps an avenue to consider?

Thanks for your replies everybody.

I used to be friends with other Mums, had quite a few so there was something to do most weekends. But I went through a really difficult patch, (post traumatic stress disorder) and they didn't make any kind of effort for me. For two years I could barely speak, never mind function. When i asked for a bit of support, (rare for me) they got offended and caused arguments.

Obviously I know they are selfish, but at the time i was just trying to do my best to create a life for me and the kids. I thought at the time, some friends are better than nothing, but even though I couldn't function, (I couldn't put more than two words together) they still continued telling me their problems.

I'm in the situation now where my kid are a bit older. They arrange to see their friends themselves. I did initially meet their Mums, and when they saw my house, they would say "is this all you have?" and "have you always lived so minimalisticlly?".

My children's freinds are just dropped off outside now.

I feel better after Friday as I took us all, and their friends to a meal yesterday.

I am also considering starting a short night class as it is only 20 mins walk away.

i think it just hit home on Friday that one day my kids will leave home, and I will have nothing. I have friends in work, but want something separate.

I think you are incredibly strong and have managed far better than I would in the same circumstances, you should be so proud of your life.

How old are your dc's? Have you considered joining a dating site (just to start meeting people you can go out with to the cinema or for a meal or a drink? You don't have to date them you can meet them and be friends)

You're right you are better off without people like that, I can't believe people would be so rude and say things like that to you when you needed support, you deserve better!

Where abouts are you?

What is the night class?

It is not so much about what they can do for you but also about what you can do for them.

I think I'm fortunate on having a good number of friends but I believe that is because I know what I can give them, and what I can ask from them. ie. There is one that has been fantastic at giving me reality checks when I need them, she is one of my best friends, yet she is not one I would go to if I needed a pat on the back. I have one friend that knows all my secrets, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with asking her to borrow me some money. I have friends that won't call me for months but I know I can call them in the middle of the night if I need a shoulder to cry on. Some make me laugh, some tell me to pull myslef together and some other are good at making cups of tea and tell me "poor you" (which always make me feel even more miserable ) .

All are different, and I'm different to all of them too: For some I may be wise, for other strong, for other a wimpy woman always needing some reassurance. So, my advice would be to try to restart the friendships or get new ones, but always focus on the fact that no matter how down you are, it is not their responsibility to make you feel better, you are the only one that can do that, even if at some points it seems is your friends doing the work.

Amazing ...hi...im in the same situation.Been a sp for 16 years ...no real social life. Lost all 'friends ' when we split up. They didnt want to know me when i was single but were v happy to come round for dinner parties when i was attached.

Go to bed alone,wake alone, its soul destroying. Love my boys to bits ,but would love a partner to snuggle up to,even once a week.

Sorry you feel sad. I know the feeling of feeling totally out of sync with your colleagues. I sometimes feel exactly the same, especially when they're arranging nights out that I simply can't go on because of my responsibilities - I'm divorecd with two DCs.

I also feel very different to my other friends as they are in happy relationships. I think finding another single mum as a friend can really help. I think you've already had some great advice about meeting up with other parents.

It must be incredibly tough being a widow and not having a very supportive family. Just remember how well you are doing. There's a great organisation called WAY (Widowed and Young). They might be worth checking out.

www.wayfoundation.org.uk/index.htm

Good luck

wow, good luck, I can empathise with losing friends... whilst not going through what you did I had a hard time as I knew from early on that my partner wasn't for me but fought to make the relationship work, even got married, but v quickly realised that was a mistake and we split. I let friends drift by the wayside in those years and it is tricky to pick up again as they move on and its tricky making new friends. Try www.spicelondon.co.uk, that's the london link but there's groups round the country. I know it means getting a babysitter but once in a blue moon just after payday might be possible? And screw people who stick their noses up at you, you don't deserve that. have you thought about an Open University course in someting that interests you? There's loads to choose from. Plus it might lead to a job change when the kids are older. xxx

Thanks for your replies. I cope really well most of the time as my kids take up most of my time. As there is just me, it makes me more determined to be a good Mum and both my kids are happy, know what they want in life and I just love parents evening

This weekend I will be taking them out separately, so am looking forward to that. So in work I can say "cinema" and "meal" and feel better lol

I am studying at home, which helps keep my mind occupied. So really it is rare that it hits me, to be honest, if it does hit me, it is the weekend. Christmas doesn't even bother me.

I am also PM another single mum, so that's something positive.

My course starts next week, so that is a positive too. I also have a list of things I want to do when I get my freedom again lol

Things will change as I know it isn't me, just my circumstances, but it won't change overnight.

I am drinking a glass of wine now, it's great how wine can help you see things differntly lol