XH not seen DS for 9 months & wants to take him on holiday...

[Kaninchen]

ExH lives overseas and wants to visit DS at Easter. I have no problem with this.

They won't have seen DS for 9 months and wants to take DS away for a week (maybe 2) to his parents, 300 miles away. Whilst I have no problem with DS visiting ex's parents (I have taken him there myself), I don't think it is best to suddenly appear in DS life, whisk him away from me, from nursery, from his friends for a week or 2. I want to suggest that ex stays somewhere near us (in a B&B) for a couple of days so that he and DS can get reacquainted before the go away together.

DS is 4 and has contact with his father on webcam/ phone several times a week.

AIBU? Overprotective? Selfish? I don't know where I stand legally since all our documents were done overseas.

Can anyone help?

(namechanged because he lurks but is fairly obvious who I am if you know me)

Thanks Mongolia.

I could take DS there and may have to but he wants to show his dad where he lives and I think his Dad should come here. But, if I have to do the 10 hr round trip to deliver DS and make sure he is ok, I will. I will definitely collect him at the end, so I know he is coming home with me.

Sorry you are surrounded by this sort of stuff

I have been trying to get ex to come here for a day or two for months. If he is still refusing, I doubt he will change his mind. I am just pissed off that he is putting his needs above DS's and is refusing to even consider what is best for his son. I think he doesn't realise how much a 4 yr old changes in 9 months.

I think you are right, they don't realise how much and how quickly they change.

I have a friend who split from his wife when his son was 2 yrs old, and although he sees him on Wednesdays and alternate weekends he was still feeding him petit suiss and other baby foods, and asking him to crawl backwards to go down the stairs at... 4.

I don't know if my ex is still "babying" DS but I have hear him complain loudly about me doing this or this other, even when those are things I did when DS was young and it was needed, and which I obviously stopped doing as DS grew older

lol Mongolia!

Strange turn of events... ex just called and begrudgingly agreed he would come here for an afternoon or night & stay in a B&B (although this adds significant cost to his trip & involve car hire and driving whilst jet-lagged blah blah blah).

He also suggested flying with DS from here to his parents (300 miles) which I think would be better for DS (shorter trip - he gets v car sick, flying is exciting etc) but I am NOT handing over DS passports and don't know if he can fly without.

Wonder if he's lurking?

BTW I used to give in to the demands of exh all the time, I was very very accommodating but it got to the point when he did something that was totally unacceptable. At that point I had to dig my feet to the ground and say NO. That was when I realised that parental responsibility is my right to disagree on things that I consider unreasonable, and that I can go back on anything I said in the past if the circumstances have changed.

Well well, that's good news! half of the problem sorted, now you only need to agree for you to pick him up (use the argument that that would save him some money) and you are all set