considering becoming a lone parent through sperm donation - anyone done it?

[WeesaD]

I am a single mum of a little girl of 5. Her father is very much involved (read obsessed), a total bully to me but provides for her financially at least. I am 39 and have wanted another child ever since my first, and am now considering sperm donation as I NEVER want to go through the last 4 years of hell re custody and money battles - and then lose my daughter 40% of the time!!
I am pretty OK financially, have a roof over my head, know I can raise a child on my own as I am doing really well so far and have doen for 4 years now, and have great friends to support me.....so? any advice/ any one been where I am now?

just do it!! my sister did and dd has brought so much joy to our family thats shes considering another
xx

The only way I could do it is with one of my gay friends if he really wanted to be a parent, at least I know them in RL, and know a smidgeon of the person (and family) they are. (Also for later, when the child needs info).

A sperm bank would be too anonymous for me, what about genetic diseases and stuff...

I'd hate to have a child going down the street wondering if any passersby could be family...

Remember watching a programme and a woman who'd been born that way always wondering if she might be related to a boyfriend... (worried about eventual children).

Also read an interesting article about offspring getting together in USA from donors who'd done it regularly (i.e. lots of children).

I did have a boss who had a child by donor insemination, then her partner did too, as far as I know they are one big happy family.

Another ex boss, gay and in a relationship has a daughter, he does co-parenting.

At the end of the day, how you deal with it is the key, make sure they don't grow up feeling different. If the love and care is there, that's what it's all about.

You have to be ready to deal with people's prejudices though....

Agree with Eurostar, it's not just your feelings you have to consider but those of the child as well. Can't give details but it sometimes life isn't so great for the kid you have conceived. too many questions can't be answered.

Probably one of the most selfish things you can undertake.

Children are meant to have 2 parents, i know lots dont get 2 for one reason or another but to deliberately set out to deprive another human of one side of their identity is just utterly selfish at best and abusive at worst.

Obviously quite a few people on this thread will see it differently and may well be offended by my views but i think they are valid.

You'd be classed as a Single Mother Through Choice and there are plenty of groups and books out there for you. I got mine on Amazon, for example and read up on the Donor Conception Website about possible pitfalls and the child's expectations. It's not an easy path - pg alone (and don't imagine you'll get any sympathy if you have chosen a donor baby!), people thinking you are selfish, worries about daddy issues...but these books and other sites can give you researched documentation to help every step of the way.

However, my mistake was using an unregistered donor website. I'm due in a couple of months and don't begrudge my child anything, obviously, but the donor has been a PITA throughout. He can't make up his mind if he wants a relationship with her or not, seems to want an actual relationship with me then doesn't. Originally he was meant to be a once a month update type of uncle figure, then we (very foolishly) tried to have a relationship that lasted about 6 months. If I had my time again I would go for the anonymous route and a registered clinic. It may cost a bit but as you said you don't want the hassle of a man, and that is the point.

Oh and sod those saying it's selfish, etc. More selfish to have kids with a twunt and have negative influences than to be happily single (cash-flow, stability and love providing of course) and raise a child desperately wanted. Most posters who spout the Daily Mail piousness are embittered single mum's who's partners left them, not the same thing at all!

Happy to PM if you like :)

Oh and btw, registered clinic means your child can find out who the father is at 18 - this is the law and any man signed up to the registered sites has signed legal papers to confirm he knows this. It will probably help you to know that as unregistered sites are usually for men who don't want contact, will probably lie about their name and you don't get STD checks and cannot prove anything they tell you about genetics, etc.