Ex and contact order

[BeauticianNotMagician]

Hi all just wanted some advice regarding a contact order.I have one in place as took ex to court last year for an order for the children and injunction for myself.However,he keeps on breaking it.I have just got off the phone to see where im dropping them off on saturday as its his stated day in the contact order as well as sunday but no overnight and he said he wont be having them as he is down and doesnt know the next time he will feel like having them.

He was a controlling,violent,manipulative ex and i know he hates having them as he doesnt want me to be able to have any kind of social life as he knows without him i have no one else to have them.What do i do can i take him back to court?I just worry that would be a waste of time though as if they put in place another order he will just break that as well.I was thinking maybe im better to tell him to forget the order and not see them and if he doesnt like it then let him take me to court.Which would probably be too much effort on his part.

I would like my two ds's to have a relationship with their father but ds1 has asd and its breaking my heart trying to explain to him(make up excuses)as to why he isnt seeing daddy.

Beautician, I'd be reluctant to force him to take the dcs if he doesn't want to. It's very unfair, but leaving dcs in the care of a resentful man with violent tendencies scares me. Instead of going to court, why not spend the money on an occasional babysitter so you can go out without relying on him? If you can't afford it, can you swap babysitter with another mother near you?

I know it's sad for your dcs not to see him, but lowering your and their expectations seems to be the best way forward.

Should read - can you swap babysitting

You can't force him to have them and it's a mistake to try - they are TBH better off without the knobber and so are you. As NT said, forget the knobber (he might threaten to take you to court for contact but the fact that he kept letting you down will mean the judge tells him to go and stuff himself, so ignore any threats of this nature) and look at finding childcare/babysitters/babysitting circle.
Best of luck.

Thank you i think thats what i have to do now you are both right.I have tried for the ds's sake as i didnt want them to ever be able to say i stopped them seeing their dad when they get older.But enough is enough i think i have given it enough tries now.Only problem is i know that i will get hassle again when he decides he wants to see them.

"Only problem is i know that i will get hassle again when he decides he wants to see them."

I'm sure you will, but you know the type, if they feel like giving you hassle, they'll give you hassle - you can't spend your life trying to anticipate and avoid it. That's what they want!

If you want to safeguard yourself against any comeback (courts etc) you could try writing him a letter, outlining the situation as you see it (eg 'you were due to have them on XXX date but refused saying XXX) how that negatively affects the children and that you feel that a period of indirect contact, as he has suggested, is a good idea, and that if he wishes at some point to re-establish contact, a period of regular phone contact would be appropriate.

Keep a copy.

Thanks mmrred thats a good idea as i find him so difficult to speak to it would be better on paper.I just hate this whole situation its really getting me down he controlled my life when we were together and i feel like he still is.