i'm already dreading her visits to her dads

[anon1968]

Hi

My husband is leaving when he gets a date to move into his new accomodation he is renting a room from a girl at work, i know there is nothing going on, its just the cheapest most convenient option at the mo until he can get some money together to furnish somewhere, however i am already dreading our little girl going to stay, both because i will be so lonely without her, which i know is selfish but can't help it, and also i am dreading it if she has a good time with this flatmate, know thats silly and that there really is no reason for there to be anything like that, an obviously it would be better if this girl was friendly not some ogre,basically i am dreading every part of these visits - has anybody got any tips on how i deal with all this and does it get easier?? I know eventually there may be someone else in hsi life but even though it is a flatmate it just seems too soon.

Know i am just jealous and its harder because i don't even want him to leave

any advice appreciated.

hi hun we all felt like that when it happened the first visit is always the worst but it does get better i promise so be brave, when she goes why dont you plan a day out on your own maybe shopping or visiting relatives just to keep your mind occupied thats what i started doing i remember the first time i spent most of my time by the window winding myself up you will be fine it takes time

hi

thanks very much for the kind words, i think at the moment its fear of the unknown, what do you do about contact with the child while they are with the dad, it seems wrong to not speak to her for so long because we have never been apart, but wrong if i do, a) because it looks like i'm checking up on them and b) it might unsettle her. Its all so confusing and hard to know what to do whats right for her. Can't seem to do anything right at the minute.

Hi anon 1968,

It is v hard when the children are away i have just started to go through it again as this is not the first time my husband has left. I always phone to say good night when they are at his, i guess it is another excuse to talk to him, as like you i didn't want him to leave, Do you get on enough to feel you can ring to speak to them while they are with him ??

I too can't get anything right at the moment and seem to end up upsetting someone !!

As he hasn't left yet it maybe worth talking to him about what will happen when he goes, and if he would mind you ringing just to say goodnight.

Don't do what i have done in the past and question them when they get home, it really is not good for you or them. Just ask if they had a nice time and listen if they want to share anything.

I hope it goes well xx

Hi Alimeg

I think it would unsettle her to ring at night at she isn't brilliant at staying out even at family or friends, i know when i said will he be ringing her at night to say goodnight he said he would ring earlier so that she didn't go to bed thinking her dad wasnt here, suppose will just have to see how it goes, maybe ring at tea time depending on what time she goes etc, he won't want me ringing him certainly, i will have to accept it is her time and see what happens.

How often do yours go to stay at their dads, he is thinking once in the week, not sure yet whether that will be overnight or not and once at the weekend.

I am worried that i will question her but gonna try my hardest not to cos i know this will upset her plan to have a chat with her after he has gone and explain to her that she can always talk to me, even about how much she misses him etc but also that i know she might not want to discuss things, just that i am always there, any advice on that, sorry to question you loads.

Hi anon 1968,

My girls stay with their dad every other weekend (makes for a very lonely and long weekend for me !!) also on a Wednesday night and if he hasn't seen them at the weekend he has them on a monday night. I know that seems like loads but he was very close to the girls and i think that he has a right to see them, it also makes the impact of him leaving better for them to see him often.

I hate it when they are with him as i just seem to roam about the house waiting for them to return.

This time around though i have my baby girl who stays with me for the time being. He doesn't seem that interested in having her over and only sees her when he is collecting or dropping the girls off.

I do feel that they have a better time when they are with him, always doing loads of fun stuff. Then they come home and i have all the boring run of the mill stuff to deal with, doesn't really seem fair !!

You sound like you are going to all the right things when D day arrives, just be there for her and listen to her, she will soon adapt to the situation, children are vrey good at adapting. Mine are fine and happy with the arrangements, although my middle girl sometimes struggles and wants us to get back together but on the whole things for the girls are good and they seem happy.

Stay strong and positive, you will get there. I have made loads of mistakes but have learnt from them.

Loads of love to you i know its hard but you will be fine xx