I am really struggling...

[notevenamousie]

I have never found Christmas easy, though this was better than most. Back at work since the 29th, and it's ok. But long struggles with the taxman about tax credits and not enough to pay childcare and rent each month never mind anything else at the moment (though my mum is helping but I feel really terrible about it, why have children you can't afford?!?)
Really intrusive self harm thoughts. And days of crying though no obvious reason. Wanting sleep desperately. I have severe dental pain and am waiting for oral surgery and I don't think the pain is helping with all of this.

There are good things in life. I feel so lost though. And like every day is a struggle - to even dress and go to work let alone parent and think and function and teach and....

I have a boyfriend, friends, family, but just worry that they've heard all this from me before.
Help help help.

You recognise that there are difficulties in your life, and that there are also help and people supporting you through it.

It is understandable you are worried, but if simple things like getting dressed are becoming a struggle, and even being able to notice the good things in your life you still feel very miserable, perhaps a visit to the GP may help, you may be getting a slight depression.

this is a hard time of year, it can't hurt to make contact with GP and/or to look into things that might boost your mood or make life a bit easier

would suggest concentrating on getting good quality rest and relaxation when you can, and eating as well as possible at very least - is easy to neglect self when overwhelmed and this provides such fertile ground for depression to thrive in

hi mousie!
so sorry to read all this
i can understand exactly where you're coming from with what you're saying,but i think by actually realising that you're not coping is the way forward to actually help yourself
and i can also fully understand how difficult it is to talk about these terrible feelings with those closest to you
i would def.make an appointment to visit your gp to see what can be done for you and please do not feel ashamed to take ad's they can be a real life saver and just the feeling of clarity of thought is amazing!
am imagining that you've already done this but if not i would also def visit your local CAB to see what they can do with chasing up your tax credits and also to find out if you're claiming everything else that you're entitled too
as the others have said please try to somehow take time out for yourself each day(hard i know)even if it's a quiet soak in the bath,just being on your own for a while without wearing your mummy hat really helps!
keep posting on here as well as we'll always listen

Please go to your GP as soon as possible. You sound like you are suffering from depression. It really doesn't matter whether you can justify it by having a shite life or whether everything should in theory be hunky-dory. Depression can hit anyone at anytime. Do you sleep properly? I'm not sure how many children you have or if they are very young but you could have post-natal depression. It took me about 6 months before I admitted I had it, but once I went to the GP I was better in no time. Please please do not start self harming. Try to bring yourself to tell your GP. Don't be ashamed - he'll have heard it all before. If you are alone and things get really bad just pick up the phone and ring the samaritans. Or find a support group where someone can be at the end of the phone to talk you back from a dark place at any time of day or night. There are so many groups of caring people out there to help you, you just need to be brave enough to ask. Look for help NOW while you feel able, and keep the details handy so when you are really low you know where to go in advance if you see what I mean!

I know even when you have a loving family and friends it can be hard to tell them how you feel without boring them or worrying them
so strangers can sometimes be better. I wish you well and I'm sending cyber-hugs!