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ExH has girlfriend

6 replies

wirral · 03/01/2010 12:08

My Ex has a lot of contact with our daughter. Recently he has moved into his house his girlfriend. Our daughter is now refusing to see her Dad as she doesn't like girlfriend (Girlfriend has a daughter who our child also says she does not get on with).

To make her go or not? She should go, he is her Dad but he has done this very quickly with little thought for anyone other than himself.

I've suggested that he picks daughter up but doesn't take her home but daughter is adamant that this is no solution. We could knock the overnight stays on the head for a bit but again daughter won't have that.

I realise that my 10 year old daughter should not be calling the shots but I also think EXh has been incredibly insensitive.

Can't think of solution at moment - I have heavy cold and am very miserable - any one any ideas?

Thanks

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IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 03/01/2010 21:31

Think it needs some more discussion really.

To go from "a lot of contact" to no contact seems a little extreme. Can understand that she doesn't like the girlfriend but that shouldn't mean that she stops seeing her Dad.

Can they meet up outside of their home for a while and try to work things out/use this time to talk some more?

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Niceguy2 · 03/01/2010 23:27

Sounds to me like DD is trying to sabotage dad's new relationship. The question is why?

Is there a genuine concern here or is it a young girl scared of losing her dad?

If its the latter then I think Dad needs to spend some time to reassure her that he still loves her and the new GF is not a replacement mum or parent.

And if I were in your shoes, assuming dad is trying to put right his lack of sensitivity, I would support him by forcing her to go.

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GypsyMoth · 03/01/2010 23:34

I think she's more likely to be jealous of the new kid living with her dad!! Ridiculously insensitive of him!

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wirral · 04/01/2010 16:45

I agree with you all. I suspect she is trying to sabotage his relationship. She is giving me no good reason for her dislike of girlfriend.

The girlfriend has been there a while but it wasn't until she was involved in Christmas day that daughter seemed to realise that she was more than just a lodger and now appears to be very hurt.

I've suggested that he still sees daughter but brings her back to our home or goes out with him but daughter isn't fooled that this will solve the girlfriend problem so won't countenance it.

Thanks all for replying. If anything divorce has taught me that life will never be straightforward again. I am sure this will all blow over in due course.

x

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prettyfly1 · 04/01/2010 22:44

You sound really reasonable so I am sure you know this but it is important that whilst some sensitivity is needed with your daughter, it does also need to be made clear to her that both your ex and you are entitled to other relationships and involvments, and that it doesnt mean either of you love her less, just that as grown ups you are allowed lives and loves of your own.

Good luck - it cant be easy.

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Mongolia · 05/01/2010 14:49

Are you in good communication terms with your ex? can you tell him very diplomatically about your DD's stance and possibly the need for him to reassure her that everything will be fine?

I don't think, really, that you should be dealing with the problem in behalf of DD, just because it may backfire monumentally despite of your good intentions:

DS was complaining of the same, even having tantrums not wanting to go to his dad's new partner house (his dad is living there since months and months ago), DS asked me to intervene, I tried to kindly kindly explain the situation to his father expecting he could reassure DS. ExH went ballistic about this, claimed they all were a happy family and when DS was questioned about it, DS told him I made it up . So, although I try to be as supportive to DS as I can, I have learned my lesson, the problems at his dad's house have to be sorted at his dad's house.

I ask DS now to discuss the problem with his dad, as I have, understandably, not much input in anything that happens over there. And whilst DS complains of hating visiting his father, I know well, he is really not that unhappy, after all I can see him walking all smiles on his hand when his father him up from school.