Urgent advice needed re by DS and separation

[whygodwhy]

My DH is moving out this weekend, and I struggling to know how to help my DS 6 through this situation. My marriage has been very emotionally abusive and my DS has sadly seen and heard too much and is very protective of me.

The marriage has been a very sad one for a long time but I have tried and tried to keep it together but he is adamant that I am not good enough for him and basically the lowest of the low and he has been very happy to tell me this daily.

My DH is rarely at home and then under duress and consequently spends little time with DS, earlier in the year it all came to ahead with DS crying regularly and shouting at his dad "why don't you come home from the pub and be with me, why do I come second" awful to hear - DH told DS "this is what all DAddies do so you will have to get used to it". I obviously told DS that that was not the case.

If I try to bring the issue up of us parting now DS just says "don;t want to talk about it" said in a monotone with closed look on face - if I push him he gets annoyed and says - "as long has he is with me in a house we will be happy" and "I asked Daddy to come home but he wouldn;t so there no point" so grown up for a 6 year old, it really worries me. But basically he is very closed on the subject.

How should I handle this, don't want him to have lots of pent up sadness, but not sure how to handle this in the least damaging way with a 6 year old or maybe it's best left and it may be a relief for me and DS...

Help please

bump please

I was 13 when my parents separated and even now some 20+ years on I don't really know Why. Not sure it actually matters as to Why... though I am still wondering Why, so maybe being told Why is important.

I would suggest that you tell you DS what is happening at each stage. Little bits of information every now and then so he knows where he will be living, with whom, when he will see his father, that sort of thing. He may totally ignore you when you tell him these things, thus keep it very short - don't make it a discussion, just give a few facts.

Avoid making any promises you can't keep. If DS asks any questions, answer them as directly as possible keeping it as simple as possible.

Tell the school what's going on. They will have a pastoral care teacher who specialises in this stuff and may also have access to a school counsellor for him.

Hi, I just found your message and wanted to offer my support. My H is moving out next week and we have to have the dreaded chat with the kids. We are splitting because of his drink problem which he denies, so can't really say that to kids. They are 6, 3 and 1. Like you, my 6 year old is emotionally sensitive and I am very worried about the impact on him.

I went on the Relate website and got a book out from the library. Also found kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/help_child_divorce.html# really helpful. The main thing they all say is to keep saying how much mummy and daddy love them.

It's horrible, I really feel for you. I'm dreading telling them and know it's too much for them to understand. Will your H keep regular contact?