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Please help sort out a plan for christmas

10 replies

popcorn123 · 20/12/2009 20:25

Struggling as per usual. Feeling bullied from all angles.

Ex sees dc's when it suits him usually about 2 weekend overnights/months and one weekend day. Apart from the odd time when I have something arranged with dcs I try to be accomodating - although he tells people I make it difficult to see dc's

Last christmas was out first since split. He insisted with support from both families that we should do it together. It was awful he refused to help, lay on the couch claiming to be ill etc, refused to play with dc's while I did the work.

Anyway this year I thought he would want to come round but he doesn't. He wants to have them at 12pm on xmas day until boxing day and spend the day with his family which I suppose if fine. I suspect he is going out on xmas eve hence not being bothered about them opening presents etc but that is niether here nor there.

Problem being my parents have planned to have us over for lunch and don't want to back down saying that I do all the work, sleepness night etc and he can't dictate what happens. They want to say that he can have from first thing in morning until 3pm and they are insisting that we come over at that time.

I am not sure that any of these options suit me but I know I will be nagged up from both sides.

dc's I think will be happy either way as long as theey don't get rushed with presents in the am.

Sorry this all seems so petty written down
I just feel that everyone is fighting over a piece of the dc's and trying to come up with a plan that suits before I have to face them!

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 20/12/2009 20:27

what ideally (obviously not, but you know what I mean) would YOU like to happen?

elastamum · 20/12/2009 20:30

what would YOU like to do? Christmas is a nightmare so decide what you want and tell everyone. It is my ex's turn to have the kids, but as he lives a long way away he has to come here and pick them up on Christmas morning after they have opened their presents. My rule is christmas morning is at home. After that I am prepared to be flexible.

popcorn123 · 20/12/2009 20:35

I would like to not have to do christmas morning myself - would like someone here to share in the excitement. Always feel a bit overwhelmed when I have to do birthdays etc myself. Ideally my family but could put up with ex as dc's would like it.
He wants to do present later in pm at his house - saying santa has come twice.

I would like to have christmas dinner with them - my mum suggested that we invite in-laws assuming they wouldn't come but they might and that would be too much. I would be happier if they went to ex's than that.

My ideal plan would be christmas morning together - I take them round for christmas lunch at my parents them ex has them from about 5 for overnight say (or 2 )depending on what he wants.

OP posts:
popcorn123 · 20/12/2009 20:37

i agree elastamum I am not to fussed after chrismas morning but my parents are insistant they go there (as they didn't see them last year) When we were together we alternated between families so they are used to having there turn.

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ChasingSquirrels · 20/12/2009 20:43

hum, tbh I can't see what you can do about christmas morning, you can't make ex come and share it. Could you stay over at your parents to have them to share it with?

Given what you say you would like though, could you suggest to your parents that they do lunch a bit earlier - maybe 1.30pm, and that ex then has the children from maybe 4pm?

popcorn123 · 20/12/2009 20:48

I think I will suggest that but he seems very fixed on 12.
I agree I am stuck with christmas morning - I will enjoy it just worry that I don't creat enough enthusiasm for the dc's!

all very minor problems complared to most!

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 20/12/2009 20:51

it is hard though isn't it, mine went to their dad this afternoon, and won't be back until boxing day morning.

Could you tell him that is what is happening and has already been arranged, and that you are prepared to change things a bit so it can be that bit earlier, but that you will be having xmas lunch with them so it will be mid-afternoon. Rather than suggest.

popcorn123 · 20/12/2009 20:57

Thanks Chasingsquirrals for being so sympathetic to my moaning when your dc's are away for a while.

Will give him a phone and see how I get on.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 20/12/2009 20:59

good luck, hope you sort something that YOU are happy with, as well as trying to keep others happy.

popcorn123 · 21/12/2009 21:39

Will hopefully split the day just trying to decide on a time. Hopefully will suit all!
I feel I could disappear and no one would notice as long as everyone got their share of the dc's.
Will have to get more organised next year.

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