how do ~I stop losing my temper when DD doesn't eat?

[titferbrains]

she is 15 mo and has issues and I HATE HATE HATE feeding her can't stand it because she smears crap everywhere, our floor is permanently filthy, she barely eats and I hate all the waste. I am not a lone parent but as good as during the week as no-one else does the f-ing meals. Just me and endless handwashing and wiping and cleaning and offering and cooking and cajoling and smiling.

I am so angry and fed up.

The mess thing is unfortunately part and parcel of toddlers eating. Actually the more they are allowed to practise by themselves the quicker they will learn to eat independantly. This unfortunately means mess! Can you put newspapers on the floor? A messy mat?

As far as not eating is concerned, I went through this with DD1. I would spend hours slaving over some Annabel Karmel masterpiece only to have it thrown back at me. VERY frustrating! I'm not sure what you mean when you say she has "issues"?

With my 2nd child I was far more relaxed. I made simple, quick recipes and didn't worry too much if he didn't eat much. Unless they aren't eating ANYTHING at all try to relax. They will eat when they're hungry. I am happy to share some quick recipes with you if you would like? Although I'm sure you will have tried lots of things already.

this sounds so familiar tho not with my kids. i had a gf years ago whose youngest dd was about 1 when we met and i can remember trying to feed her - was stuff in jars and it ended up everywhere - she was just so clarty! it used to wind us up loads as you wouldnt believe the mess - well i guess you would. anyway - she grew out of it after a while so dont worry - they all get better - just hang in there.

thanks for posting. I wouldn't mind if she didn't eat but was fine in the afternoon, but she often gets really hungry when I'm out shopping in the aft and then has a meltdown and I have to feed her a tube of yogurt. Or she comes and taps at my leg when I'm eating something in front of the computer. She doesn't eat savoury stuff and then will hoover half a yogurt. So it's the unreliability thing that drives me nuts, I never leave the house without at least 3 kinds of snacks... I know the messiness is part of it all but our floor is now horrible with distant memories of blueberries and tomatoes and peas... and after grovelling at her feet I only occasionally have the energy to sweep the kitchen as well.

What are your winner recipes then? DD seems to hate any puree I make, so I mostly give her abit of what I'm having and then end with yogurt or custard or fruit.

She doesn't eat toaast. She will occasionally eat french bread. Hates pancake or crumbly/mushy food - likes bits of things.
Doesn't like potatoes but will eat chips and sometimes my homemade oven chips. will eat a little rice but won't be spoonfed this. It goes on...

Does she like pasta? I used to make pasta sauces for mine and give either those tiny pasta stars or some penne/fusilli type pasta that they could pick up by themselves.

Breadsticks are a good way to distract them while you spoon food into their mouths if she's not up for having a go with a spoon herself. Little pizza's on muffins or mini pizza bases? Let her help you put things on the top? Sandwiches cut into little shapes with cookie cutters?

I had some great puree recipes but if she doesn't like purees then they're probably not much use to you. Things like chicken casseroles, lamb casseroles, salmon & broccoli, I always found a cheese sauce on things seemed to make them go down easier.

My DD was the most fussy, infuriating child when it came to feeding. She now eats pretty much anything but just had to do it in her own time I guess. I do remember sobbing on the kitchen floor many a time so you are not alone! There are some great posts in the feeding and recipes topics for ideas as well.

Amazingly, she had some of my smoked haddock chowder today! I gave her some steamed mangetout and pepper to start with while I got the soup heated up and then she eventually started eating bits of potato and showed me that she wanted some of my soup! I was able to spoon feed her a bit and then put some on the spoon and let her feed herself. Am a bit shocked! but happy that she liked it. I think I'll make her a sausage casserole with tomato for tea. or maybe lentils. Will decide later. Off to a lovely gynae apptmt this aft, I won't be in the mood to cook anything after that.

Thanks for the suggestions. I will crack on with pizza type things when on hols and I have a hot aga at my beck and call.

titferbrains I was exactly like you with ds1 and was incredibly stressed the whole time because he also refused milk so I was really worried about his growth.

Anyway, from what you say it may be be that she senses your stress at mealtimes. But it's great that she's interested in what you're eating. I would just carry on as you are doing and try to use those situations to get food into her.

she wants to copy you so have her eat when you do and what you eat.

plus additional snacks in between. of what she likes, fruit etc

if she is growing and putting on weight and height then you dont need to worry so much.

soudns like also she may be sensitive to textures - likes smooth yogurt but not slightly thicker puree. likes crunchy but not too soft and soggy like pancake.

keep ushing new textures - but also build sensory play with hands, feet like playing in cooked spaghetti, hands in bowl of dry lentils, all kinds messy play etc. sit her in bath to do messy play so it contained and you can hose her and bath down after!

Give up! She's going to get messy! And so is the floor....sorry. But it's true!
I don't think it matters how much your kid eats day to day so long as you know generally they are getting their nutrition. My little one wil gobble a load of grub one day, then the next refuse more than a mouthful at lunchtime or whatever. She might eat a load of brekkie, have a bite for lunch, then eat half her tea....then want a couple of bottles of milk. I think sometimes they have growth spurts and get more hungry. Sometimes they just are in a funny mood and don't want to eat.
Structure is good and you need to keep an eye on all the foodgroups etc but don't stress too much. And yeah, thank god for yogurts cos at least they fill them up later and you know they're full of calcium.
If the little 'un doesn't eat her lunch then pop it in the fridge for tea, or for the next day (once it's cooled down etc). No harm in that. Saves you slaving over the stove again.
Nothing wrong with sharing a bit of your dinner either.
And kids will eat if they are hungry. If you don't want to give her yogurts/sweet stuff don't buy any. Try babybell cheeses p'haps.
Any best of luck. I think we've all been there!!!

I have the same problem with my 2 year old, I prepare lovely food and she just says its 'disgusting' and won't eat it!

At her 2 year check, the HV said she will eat when she is hungry, to stop 'discussing' food with her, ie cajoling, tell her its yummy etc, as this just highlights there is a problem with food. To just sit her at the table, put the food in front of her and let her get on with it, if she doesn't eat it take it away and say nothing! Very very hard I have to say, but took her advice and it works, some days she will eat it all and other days she eats nothing! But there are no dramas, as I was getting upset about the waste and her not eating, now I just take it in my stride!

She also said if she doesn't eat her main course, to still give her pudding but only fruit or a yoghurt, nothing too nice! Also if you know she will only eat 1 chip, 2 peas and 1 fish finger, only give her that so she clears her plate, so you can praise her for clearing her plate, don't mention eating her dinner as we all have to eat and its normal, so she doesn't get praise for that, just clearing her plate?

She also said to watch their milk intake in the day as that can fill them up, only give water in between meals, juice is allowed with meals but no other times?

I don't usually listen to HV but I think she actually talked sense this time, worth a try me thinks!

Hope it works!

Oh and make sure you sit at the table with her and eat your dinner to, so she knows it normal to eat food!

I have seen you posting about your baby here and other threads.
IMO you cannot force a child to eat. To try to force a child to is just wrong imo or even worse.
I have always been very low key feeding my DD, she is 2 years 4 months atm. When I give/gave her dinner, if she doesnt want it, I remove it with no comment. If she has ate little, I say "sorry darling, if you did not eat dinner you cannot be hungry, so no pudding"
She always can have fruit, milk, water of course if she wants. DD is on the 95th percentile btw.
I saw a really upsetting supernanny episode about a 7 year old with issues around eating. You can watch it here The boy in the episode is Brandon Bixley. It may be of some help.

Just to update, and for other frustrated mums, my dd started swallowing food properly just before christmas. No reason, I just gave her a cracker while we were waiting for an appointment and when I looked up again she'd actually swallowed it, there were no spat out bits anywhere. She is 15mo. I am still in shock.

So now we are offering her masses of carbs at every meal, plus the usual peas and tomatoes and bits of finger foods. It's a bit strange as we've gone slightly backwards - we're spoon feeding her again - but she seems to manage best this way as she chews it and swallows it.

I also realised that she often wants water when she pushes food away, and that she also gets bored - so a bit of spoon feeding, a bit of finger food, a bit more spoon feeding. Someone posted about babies needing about a tablespoon of food per year old as a portion so I am trying to be much less concerned about her "finishing" what's in the bowl.

As you can tell it's turned my life around and it made christmas much more bearable! My first day on my own with her tmw so I hope things will go well again.

Thanks for your responses. MN is my support, my friend and saviour of my sanity!

Hi. I came on here because I was at the end of my tether with (as someone said earlier) creating Annabel Carmel dishes and having them bashed out of my hands and onto my clothes/face/the floor etc by a tantrumming one year old. Happened just now and I had to leave the room to thump the sofa in frustration (always feel better after that). I don't want my son to see me so angry and/or crying. Always feel pathetic for doing it in front of him once I've calmed down - he's a baby for goodness sake! Very glad to know I'm not alone.

Having read what some of the more experienced mums have said, I'm not going to make such a fuss if he doesn't eat from now on. Just keep going with the bananas and yoghurt, limit the milk a bit more so he's not full on that and not get so stressed if he hasn't eaten his fish & spinach (loves it one day, hates it the next).

Feel much better - thanks everyone! One less thing to worry about. Now just have to put the kettle on and do my tax return. Arrrrrrgh!

whilst youre tense, she wont eat.