Well it's taken a bit of lurking but I'm finally here..

[tiredoftherain]

Hello everyone, wanted to introduce myself, I think it takes some time to get your head round the whole idea of being a lone parent, but reality is starting to sink in a bit for me now.

H and I finally split in September after a year of horrid emotionally abusive behaviour and eventual affair on his part. There was no way round it, he'd become so contemptuous and nasty, and even with 2 small dc's (2 and 4) I know it was the right thing to do. It was a massive thing for me as nobody in my family has ever divorced. MN really helped me get to that point, I'd never heard of emotional abuse until I read threads on here and realised that it was what was happening to me also.

He dominated me, had such an arrogant and forceful personality that mine got lost. He is very ambitious and has a successful career and I've always supported him. Once I became a SAHM that was it and he started to treat me with contempt. He has no respect for anyone who doesn't earn, so even though he worked away all week while I looked after the dc's he still saw me as lazy. It was so frustrating as the burden of responsibility was massive and I never had time away from the dc's. ds1 also has some health complications that H never accepted, and I was left to deal with them on my own.

H started an emotional affair early this year, with a colleague he claimed was a good friend. They're now together, H filed against me for unreasonable behaviour a month after the separation. OW has just done the same to her XH. I can only describe them as morally bereft, I could never have imagined people could be so cruel.

I'm determined to get through this, not to be bitter and to move on with my life. I have a great family and loads of friends. It's a scary place to be in right now though, I'm nowhere near my family at the moment and have a big move to face plus dealing with the divorce.

It's really reassuring to read of others who have got through this. At the moment the stress is immense, and I've spent most of the weekend in tears, but normally I'm fine and looking forwards. I think I need to get a plan of action going and do one thing at a time. Christmas isn't helping with the stress levels either!!

I am not really in a position to welcome you to MN, I am new around here.

But I just wanted to say "yay, well done".

I was a lone parent 8 years ago, with three kids under 5.

I am now happily married to a new man and my kids are all well balanced and happy.

Getting out of an abusive relationship and a situation that doesnt make you happy is the best thing you can do.

You will be stressed, you are right. But you will also be an independent woman. The one step at a time thing is a great approach and remember to take time to stop and pat yourself on the back for every thing you achieve, no matter how small.

I remember setting my own email account eight years ago and being so excited and proud of myself. Seems tragic now but I felt it was important to celebrate all these things.

Good luck and keep us posted.

xx

thankyou bigbadmummy!! I'm new to this section, if not MN, so welcome much appreciated!

3 dc's under 5 must have been incredibly tough. I'm so pleased for you that you got your happy ending.

It's not tragic at all about the email, I was even chuffed with myself for getting all the Xmas decorations out of the loft and going out to get my own tree this year. That was traditionally an H job.

In some ways it was good practice for me that H worked away so much, I've been independent for a long time. Now at least I have the opportunity of possibly meeting someone new (in a while!) rather than enduring a life sentence with him.

You could be writing about my ex. , I'm 10 years down the line. And very happy with my lot, I moved away, bought a house, got back to work, have done a degree, I have a man in my life who loves me for being me.

thanks brightwell, that's great to hear too. I'm desperate to retrain in something so will be looking into that as soon as I move.

It's nice that you have someone who loves you for you. I don't think H has ever appreciated the qualities in me that my friends seem to see. It was always about him, his happiness and the things which were being done for him. If I didn't do all his ironing/let him go out 5 nights on the trot/took the flavour of chocolate he wanted I was always "mean." And I hated being described that way so tried harder to be kind until I became a total doormat.

Just been speaking to OW's H. He's really hurt by the whole thing. I feel for him as she had cheated on him before and it looks as though there's going to be a nasty battle over their child. At least that's one area I won't be arguing with H over - there's no way he'd want residency!

Hi TOTR, I am over here as well although I must admit I lurk more than post atm in this topic, but when I have posted everyone seems to have good advice.

I think it is a big step to see yourself as a lone parent , it is the first step in moving on in my opinion.

will probably be chatting loads over the next few months as we are more or less at the same stage, both with small DC and crappy exs

Hi tired, welcome to the topic.

I could have written your thread, my h left me in exactly the same circumstances last November!

I am now a year on, and very happy with my life, the dcs are wonderful and I now have a lovely man in my life that appreciates me, for being me.

It is still hard at times, dealing with the crappy ex and being responsible for everything that needs doing, but I have found my own independence again and will always be looking forward.

Look after yourself and let your friends and family help out, cos everyone needs a little time to themselves.

Thanks norks and passmyglass, nice to see you over here!

I'd love to think that this time this year everything will be different. I'm staying as positive as I can. I know that I can hold my head up as I've done nothing wrong in all of this.

Just as I think H couldn't behave any worse he does tend to surprise me though..

Hi TOTR, Welcome to lone parents!! Been one myself for about 18months. My ex also left after an affair. It has been hard but can honestly say I feel much better for it all being behind me now. Just taking a brak from wrapping presents. Actually looking forward to christmas this year

Hello tired. I think I used to post on your threads on the other board.

Nice to see you over here. I don't post on here much as I'm widowed rather than separated/divorced and don't have the problems that some of the other single mums have on here with their exes.

You will be fine at Christmas - lists are your friend!

thanks elastamum, and lemony, I love a good list!!

I think I'm fully sorted now for Christmas, had to tell our elderly neighbours about the situation today while dropping their card over, and she cried.. which made me cry too They were really shocked and said, "but you're such a lovely family." It's very hard to explain.

Gosh, yes one of the hardest thing is telling people who then say "but you were such a lovely couple"

I hated having to tell people and would almost avoid going out so that I could avoid the situation!!

One year later I have no problem with telling anyone.