I posted a few weeks ago about lack of money and official access with my ex DP.
Basically we have been separated for 2 years. I have a DD from a previous relationship but her dad passed away when she was a baby. My ex DP and I got together shortly afterwards and he has raised my DD as his own, she calls him dad and refers to him as her dad. When she was 3 we had a baby boy. Anyway since we separated things have been on/off between us. Not necessarily in a romantic sense but to be honest we have spilled up a couple of times, we were together for 5 years and I guess some habits were hard to break. However we were able to take the children out together and celebrate birthdays and Christmas without any hassle. Despite this, there was no proper access and I started to feel a bit put out. I never knew when he was going to turn up and it was starting to get a bit unsettled for myself and the children. There was also the issue of money as well, he pays my phone bill (£30 a month) and gives me money if I need any in an emergency to pay child care fees or buy food if I am running short one week. Again, though the inconsistency of it all was making me uneasy.
So I posted on here and the general consensus was to have it out with him which I did. However it didn't go well, as I expected it wouldn't. My ex likes to call the shots and if he feels like I am trying to be in control he gets horribly defensive which he did so today. We ended up arguing and he refused to take DD to a birthday party next week that he already said he would take her to so I lost my temper and told him not to bother seeing them at all unless we sat down and discussed proper access. His response was that he only wanted to see DS as DD wasn't 'his' child. He quickly made an excuse that it was because he only has a 2 seater van and can't take both of the children out at once (I don't drive so cannot help either) but I was so furious that I told him that if he wasn't going to see both of them then I didn't want him seeing either of them at all. I know it was an awful thing to say but I am so so angry that he would choose DS over DD just because his sperm didn't create her. He honestly seems to think that it's justifiable though, it's not is it? Am I just being irrational and reactive (it has been known!!)?
He then said he would take me to court to get access to DS and he would ring CSA in the morning to get payments sorted out.
Now I already told him if he only wanted to pay for DS then I will accept that. TBH his money (although useful!) is not as important as seeing both children regularly and consistently and I would be fine with payment for just DS. I just don't want him taking DS out and leaving DD. I can't even explain how upset and angry that made me. The thought of my DD asking why her brother gets to go out with daddy and she has to stay at home makes me want to cry.
I don't even know what the point of my post was anymore. I guess I just wanted to find out if anybody had been in this situation and if so, how did you resolve it? I know my ex hasn't got parental responsibility of my DD (the ironic thing was we were just about to start the process of him adopting her when we separated) so he can't be made to take them both out. Even if he were I don't want him taking DD out because he is being made to.
I've got myself in a right mess and I just can't see a way out.