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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

First christmas as a lone parent

12 replies

dontcallmepeanut · 11/12/2009 22:05

Hi, sorry thbis is my first thread here, so firstly, hi!

Anyway. This christmas is going to be my first christmas as a lone parent, and I was wondering how you guys manage? I've been invited to my brother and sister in laws (newly married) and feel dubious about accepting because I spent fathers day with them and got VERY depressed afterwards. I've also been invited to my sister, who has spent the last two christmasses as a single parent, but who I'm not as close to.

What are your hints and tips for getting through this time of year?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

totallyawesome · 11/12/2009 22:12

what would you prefer to do for Christmas? would you rather be at home? or in company? I spent my first Christmas in my own house with my child. I'd been invited to family, but just didn't feel up to socialising. I also spent the 2nd one in my own house. This time I'm being sociable.

Don't feel obliged to do anything. Stay at home and have Christmas dinner in your pjs if you want (I did!). Alternatively, it coulr be an opportunity ti get closer to your sister? or you could go to your brother and it not be a time that you get morose?

ultimately - do what you want to do for yourself.

twicebitten · 11/12/2009 22:21

Every thing gets easier as time goes by.
These things helped me
Set up your own special Christmas rituals as a family.
Organise family activities throughout the holidays so there is less time at home thinking about past Christmases.
I found it especially useful to doing things on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve
Buy or give yourself little treats throughout the Christmas period - a nice magasine, a comedy dvd, a luxury bath
I found going for walks to the parks and getting outside really helped me blow away the dark clouds
And on the positive side - you dont have to please anyone - only yourself and the kids
No big arguments/stress/atmosphere in your home

SingleMum01 · 11/12/2009 22:44

Just appreciate being with the kids, have great time doing what they want without anyone else to please and most of all enjoy yourself. Don't be sad - it will be great! I have far better Xmasses now!

norksinmywaistband · 11/12/2009 22:50

My first one as well, I am spending it with family as I have always been a hugely socialble person, especially at Christmas. I know I may have wobbly moments and want my Dc to have their extended family around them so they have as normal a day as possible and also to be able to disappear and have my moments if I need them.

You may not be as close to your sister but she knows how hard this will be for you. Being around newlyweds may not be the best. Only you can decide, but do exactly what YOU want, now you get to decide.

Original poster

dontcallmepeanut · 12/12/2009 14:34

After a long discussion with Mum (who lives away) and subsequently my sister again, I've decided to take up my sisters offer. I know it'd mean a lot to my sisters youngest daughter if we were there. As norksinmywaistband said, she's been through this. Also, relationships between me and my brother are more frayewd recently. I know I wouldn't manage Christmas well on my own, as it's always a family event, and if it was just me and my ds, I know it'd get to me sooner or later. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

elastamum · 12/12/2009 21:26

This will be my first christmas without my kids as they are going to thier dads. they will be with me christmas morning, which is my rule that they wake uo in their own home. then he is picking them up to take them to his. Iam going to my folks who are about 2 hours away to get drunk with my brothers over christmas lunch!! Am dreading not having them around but I will at least get a lie in on boxing day!!

benbon · 12/12/2009 22:16

my first as a single parent too... hoping i wont get all mopey.. so the skidleos and i are going to spend it at my parents with my aunt...

luckaly i dont have to not see the kids either as their father doesnt seem too interested in them at the mo.. heartbreaking for me but they dont seem to notice so i dont remind them...

AboardtheAxiom · 13/12/2009 13:24

My first on my own with DS too, seems there are a few of us! Dontcallmepeanut - sounds like a good choice, and as others have said,you and your sister may bond over it.

I am staying in with DS xmas day, and he will be going to his dad's at about 4/5pm and sleeping over. I have very much done what DS and I want this year and am kind of looking forward to it.

tiredoftherain · 14/12/2009 10:04

My first too, it's all very raw at the moment but I'm going to family, and actually looking forward to a day without H sulking about the place. The atmosphere was always so tense when he was around, it will be much more pleasant without him.

WobblyWenchisBEHINDYOU · 20/12/2009 21:47

My first too!! On one hand I am so pleased I can do what I want to do with DD. Got pissed off with always having to go to ExH's mum's for xmas day, my familyl were never considered, not that we are close, but still.

And at least I won't be pissed off on Xmas day coz ExH had been out all christmas Eve getting drunk with his work colleagues.

I really wanted to stay home and not socialise but will ruin it for DD. So am being brave and going to my parents, dad is an alcoholic, so only going for a couple hours in the morning, before he kicks off. And have reluctantly accepted an invite from a friend for Christmas dinner, I feel embarrased about imposing, I don't want to go but again, it's for DD.

I could easily just hide under the covers all day.

ExH is having her from boxing day for 2 nights and I am praying his girlfriend is not there, playing happy families with m y daughter in my house, he has been warned about it.

Meglet · 20/12/2009 21:52

This is my first on my own too, DS is 3yrs and DD is 15 mo. I'm doing as others have suggested and starting our own little customs and rituals, I got over excited last week when I bought their first Xmas stockings.

We are very lucky as can spend Xmas day at my dads with a few other nice relatives.

XP is spending xmas morning on his own (ha ha) and the afternoon with his new gf.

thesouthsbelle · 20/12/2009 21:57

this is first one in 9 yeae spending with I won't be spending with XH even thou we seperated 2 years ago.

I second setting your own traditions.

mine always used to be me going around tescos early doors xmas eve and leaving DS/XH in bed then pottering in doors with them. but THIS year xmas eve we're going to my nans for present giving, then coming home to make sausage rolls and ginger bread men. while getting a christmas movie on and also christmas music on the box & playing musical statues.

xmas day we'll do pressies etc at home & then come over to mum & dads on xmas day. Am a bit in some respects as we go over every sunday so will feel like the same - also a bit about when we get home and come home to an empty house but ho hum. could be worse.

I say surround yourself with lots of family & friends.

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