This guy is starting to do my head in! Advice needed!

[tetti]

Ok.I split with my child's father over 3 years ago.
About 2.5 years ago I started seeing this guy.He was younger than me,and it was a case of very strong,instant chemistry between us.
We didn't have much in common,but fancied the pants of eachother,so it was very much a sexual thing.
He made it clear he didn't want a relationship,nor was I ready to start one.

Anyway,these casual relationships doesn't always work in reality. i found myself developing feelings for him,did tell him so,but yet again,he made it clear he wasn't ready.
So,eventually I ended it after meeting someone who was after a more serious relationship.But I didn't expect this guy (who I ended it with),to end up quite so upset! he told me no one had ever done that to him before(dumped him,I guess),and that he couldn't get over how bad he was feeling.

Years went on,and for some reason,he never left my mind,nor did I leave his.He kept trying to contact me over the last year(I've been single for a year now),and eventually I caved in! I felt we had some unfinished business,and something obviously made him want to come back to me.
He's a very,very attractive man,and it's certainly not like he hasn't got some very attractive women throwing themselves over him,so if he just wanted a leg over,he could've easily used anyone else (was my reasoning)

But I dk what's going on now.He really gets on my nerves.He will go two weeks or so without any contact,then suddenly call me at 11 at night,asking if he can come round(answer is always no!)
Now,I have a very busy life,my child comes first,then I have work etc etc.I can decided things on the drop of a hat,everything takes planning.
And I just think he has a cheek to just ring me up,or turn up on my doorstep,expecting me to see him then and there.
If we had a relationship,cool,if he'd been bothered to keep in touch,at least the odd call or txt,cool!
But I really don't think it's on vanishing for weeks on end,then give me a bell when it suits him.
Is it me being unreasonable here?( he seems to think I am,as he's got 2 jobs,and don't have much free time to see me,but hey,even the busiest person can manage a text,right?)

I just find it hard to completely break it off with him,as the physical attraction between us is soo strong,and keeps us coming back to eachother. I can't explain it,but when I first laid my eyes him,it wasn't fire works,it was an erupting volcano!!!lol
It's like we're addicted,and we have to either take whatever we have a step up (which I can't see happening),or end it,but HOW?!?
I really don't want a casual thing where we meet up and just have sex,that doesn't feel right,and someone will eventually,again,get hurt.
Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? I'm going bonkers here!

I am sorry this is going to sound harsh: but to me it's sounds like you are a booty call. Ringing you at 11pm asking to come round!? Good for you telling him no!

Do you still have nothing in common or do you now have shared interests?

What are you currently getting out of having this guy in your life?? Sounds like you have a lot on so I would be prioritising and looking at this in a very blunt way - how does having this guy in my life benefit me, then decide if the benefits are worth keeping him in your life or not.

You are his booty call, he doesn't want a relationship he wants a shag when its not available elsewhere.

Delete his number and don't take his calls, he's really not that into you. Sorry.

at cross posts. great minds and all that!

Erm,what did I say in my post? This guy would make Taio Cruz look like a minger.He runs clubs etc,he can have any woman,literally.He could have a different bootycall every night,should he wish.
But,having said that,maybe it's wanting to have what he can't have? I'm a challenge,and I guess most women falls onto his lap,whereas I don't no more.
Rather wait for a man of more substance.
I know I sound like a divvy,but it's switching off the feelings I have for him that's hard (when he turns up on my doorstep,again!)
I do turn him away,but it messes with my head!

I don't know who Taio Cruz is but I'm assuming he's hot.

Yes it maybe gives him an ego boost after you dumped him previously, maybe it is because you already know each other, are comfortable around each other also that makes him keep coming back. Only he knows that really.

Have you talked about it? Imagine you cut communications how would you feel? If he told you he wanted to commit and become more serious how would you feel?

TBH he doesn't sound like he puts a lot of effort in (or wants to), in your OP you say he only texts when he wants to come round, sometimes no texts for 2 weeks makes me feel he is not wanting anything more than sex. Sorry I don't want to upset or offend you (worried).

No,you're not offending me

Sometimes,when stuck in the middle of it all,one doesn't see sense,even though the answer to the problem is staring on in the face!lol

One part of me is thinking "As he keeps coming back,and made such an effort to get back into my life,something must be there",on the other hand I do think "If he was really interested,he really would have made a bit more effort!"
The thing is,this man (or shall I say Boy?lol) has never had a serious relationship.
His parents split when he was young,and his mother has other children by 3 different men,and I dk how many women his father has children with!
His view on relationships are probably screwed up (whereas I had a relationship in the past spanning 12 years!)

I do think you are all right though,it's rather likely he only wants to get his leg over,and the fact that he won't get it,makes him even more determined!
No,I think I shall have to break the ties with him.
It is hard as I see him around a bit,he works locally.But,I'm too old for games.
I have been very careful not to see him when my child is around,am keeping anyman out of my private life,unless I know for certain that it's going somewhere.
Oh,why does one have to come across so many frogs before a real prince tunrs up,eh?;)

Glad you are not offended, I know most of us on here are not sensitive little flowers but when issues are regarding your personal life emotions are involved and complicate matters.

Definately sounds like he has commitment issues, think of it this way, putting energy into him (even just in your thoughts) may at some moment distract/divert you from meeting a nice guy.

I agree with Dittany it is the right thing to do ending it.

Cat String theory. Google it. It cuts both ways.

But agree with others, definitely booty call.

When you are attractive and can easily pull, sometimes its nice to have a bit of a challenge.